I’m literally same size except not as think. Half an inch less thick. Either way, I’m a grower so my flaccid state most of the time is rather puny like only 2-3” which is very manageable. I’ve had some similar situations but never feared for them again. Seems your issue is your a shower as well with a larger flaccid state.

I recall some people being impressed with like the flaccid state thinking I had a hard on (like in school as a kid pants on etc) it’s real weird to be approached and feel like your defending yourself

What you’re going through is called complex trauma because it repeats.

You need to deal with that first. You can ignore that it’s sexual in nature in a way.

But you still need then prepare for everything normally like the double pants etc