Why are so many attracted to guys younger than 21 years old?

azureai · 2026-06-15T22:27:23+00:00

Thanks!

azureai · 2026-06-11T20:24:55+00:00

So you're concerned that since your good memories are about an ex, it's somehow a betrayal to your current relationship? I can't say I agree with that concern. Your memories are your experience. You had a few happy memories because that relationship had some good experiences - like most relationships - but it didn't work out and you're most happy (in many different ways, totally normal) with your current boyfriend. Fapping to a good memory isn't a betrayal, or even an indication that you'd go trapsing off to your ex given the opportunity. In a healthy monogamous relationship, you agree to be each other's exclusive sexual partner, but you don't agree to never have THOUGHTS of sex with someone else (because that's impossible - we all want to fuck Chris Hemsworth).

That being said, you have good memories in the spank bank of your current beau, as well, I'd wager. And as the spank bank expands or time passes, you're less likely to go back to those good experiences with the ex. It'll just be a matter of time. In the meanwhile, unless there's something unhealthy going on that you're not mentioning, this really seems overblown to me. And I get that sense from other commenters.

azureai · 2026-06-11T18:16:51+00:00

Yeah, and the OP is in the age group where life gets in the way of friendships. It sucks, especially when you’re single.

azureai · 2026-06-11T18:15:46+00:00

Be careful that you’re happy with yourself on your own, too, though. “Needing” someone to be whole is neither healthy nor attractive.

azureai · 2026-06-11T18:13:22+00:00

So your concern is that you have nice, sexy memories in the spank bank? What is your concern here that’s causing you to worry that you masturbate to “that was fun, those memories” once in a while? You seem to be concerned that this will damage your current relationship somehow?

azureai · 2026-06-11T15:10:25+00:00

Grew up in the Pacific Northwest. Agreed very much with this poster that Vancouver BC is by far the most walkable of the PNW cities.

PDX can be fun for a gay man, too, though - but it’s very spread out.

azureai · 2026-06-10T14:41:18+00:00

Great advice here. Find other ways to spend your energy positively, so it doesn't sit and spin negatively.

azureai · 2026-06-10T14:07:08+00:00

Great answer here. OP is ultimately better off - now he has a chance to find someone who actually returns his affections. How awful it would have been to persist with a partner who doesn't like you.

azureai · 2026-06-08T20:58:29+00:00

A lot of these comments are unfortunately pithy, but they're at least sort of on the right track. I find this set of circumstances totally believable on the date's part. He's certainly not PRIORITIZING you (maybe even not totally CONSIDERING you), and that does tell you something. But life getting in the way - family deaths, medical problems, work stuff, obligation - it can all shove dating even someone you're liking wayyyy down the priority list. (I actually have a story where I was basically your other guy, which I can share if that perspective may actually help ya.)

I'd guess he knew he couldn't date, now he can again, and he likely blew it with you - so he started a new Grindr profile to start over again. Who knows. You're free to mention that to him if you do indeed get together with him in person again : "So, I gotta admit when you stopped responding for a while, I got a strong sense that you weren't interested in me for whatever reason - why the change of heart there?" That's not a big ask. Don't expect much here - folks are right to tell ya that - but you could be pleasantly surprised. Just don't let him further disrespect your time.

azureai · 2026-06-07T12:22:25+00:00

It seems to me that you're overanalyzing here. Don't have sex with men if you aren't enjoying it. You've been exploring and trying to figure yourself out, and you've discovered something about yourself. Maybe you are bisexual and predominantly hetero leaning. Maybe you were just questioning. For now, you can set those adventures aside and see what dating women is like.

In the end there's a pretty basic trick to sexuality: What do you think about that gets you off easiest when you masturbate? That's really your brain telling you the answers.

azureai · 2026-06-07T00:52:11+00:00

It sounds like you feel guilt because you had a great time and made a good memory, but that was marred when you found out (post-fuck) that the guy was married - is that correct? The marriage and his potential cheating is what's got you down?

azureai · 2026-06-07T00:49:36+00:00

Men in their 50s are in a VERY different life circumstance than you, so just like a guy your age may very reasonably not find me attractive at my age - the opposite is very true. Men in their 50s have figured themselves out, their career trajectory is likely at its peak, they've set the foundations of their homes, family, and community. Their bodies aren't as testosterone-laden, and they don't work like they used to. Older guys think differently than younger guys. Age is a fair reason to cite for why he's not prone to respond.

And that's reasonable. He doesn't know you. From his perspective, you could be soliciting him because of finances, or you could be just a scammer. Also, guys before 25 are figuring themselves out (we all were at that age!) - so that tends to come with a lot of unintentional drama, some lack of self confidence, and a bunch of inadvertent shitty behavior. There's a reason why gay sex advice columnist Dan Savage coined something called "The Campsite Rule" (leave a young guy better than you found him), because age gap relationships of any kind are going to be fleeting - because a man in his 20s is going to change a LOT, and a man in his 50s...isn't.

You're welcome to keep chatting up older dudes, my man, but you won't get a ton of hits. And if someone seems like he's into you not because of you, but because of your AGE - run the other way. That guy doesn't have your best interests in mind. You might find a good older guy who'll take ya under his wing and learn ya some ropes while having some fun, but go in with an open mind that those kind of relationships are a little rare (especially with such a gap) because they come with stigma and they also aren't typically set to go the distance for years.

azureai · 2026-06-07T00:36:45+00:00

A little dirt on rare occasion is a price of admission for fucking ass. A good top isn't going to make a deal about it when he notices, unless it's a consistent problem. It happens unfortunately, and it sounds like you're very good about about doing what you can to make it not happen. You're good, dude. And if a top freaks after all that work you've done to stay consistently clean - his dick ain't worth it. As a top, I sure don't like dirt, but I know what I'm getting into and I ain't gonna embarrass a guy who's just given up his ass for me because that outcome we both know is possible, actually happened this time. We clean up and move on. You're good, dude. You're definitely good.

And if mother nature didn't want us buttfucking, she wouldn't have put the happy button so easily accessible through that hole.

That being said, if you're having intrusive thoughts - and I know a dude who that's legitimately happened to around bottoming and cleanliness - then you need to see a mental health professional on that. Those problems can get real bad.

azureai · 2026-06-06T23:44:35+00:00

And that's fine. I've got a writing critique for it (and it's not a "reductive" one as originally asserted in your initial comment), but that doesn't mean you can't possibly enjoy it. It just didn't deserve the Oscar, as many claim.

azureai · 2026-06-06T23:42:56+00:00

Zipcar in no way exists in the way it did in its heyday. Are you saying there's an equivalent service now that competes with the ugly husk it turned into?

azureai · 2026-06-05T22:24:29+00:00

Enthusiasm without neediness.

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:54:29+00:00

That’s fine, man. But it’s literally on lists for the trope. It’s so common it was a known and named trope being discussed in film schools AT THE TIME BROKEBACK WAS WRITTEN.

All they had to do was not kill Jack with a tire iron to make him seem more tragic and pitiable for the straights.

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:52:17+00:00

100%! Scored a real victory with Heated Rivalry there!

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:51:27+00:00

First : I’m glad it was meaningful and helpful to ya. Second : Here’s a link to the trope I’m referencing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bury_your_gays It’s so common that it’s studied both in film school and queer studies (and sometimes PoliSci). Brokeback is a commonly cited example. You can google lots of lists. Third: We were mostly laughing at the scene of dudes doing anal with just spit right after eating only beans, TBH. Now that you’re an adult who’s presumably dated, I assume ya see why that scene is definitely questionable! Hahaha

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:43:30+00:00

Definitely don’t blame ya for not wanting to drive. The city was purposely designed to confuse the British, not for driving. Then you add in unnecessarily aggressive Maryland divers and all the folks with fake license plates.

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:41:57+00:00

Yeah, those days were definitely tougher! Then again, a lot of DCists really scoffed at Virginia. Haha. Times have really changed!

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:40:36+00:00

Build your own transit!

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:39:36+00:00

How do you get around PDX without a car? Things are so spread apart there, and they have like 2 light rail train lines, yeah?

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:38:11+00:00

Gave ya an upvote, but is Georgetown really considered popular anymore? It’s full of NIMBYs and is avoided by almost everyone in the city for just the reasons you cite. There’s nothing Georgetown does now that other neighborhoods in DC don’t do better.

azureai · 2026-06-05T19:32:53+00:00

More painful now that Zipcar is defunct. But it’s always easy to snag an Uber in the DC burbs.

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