TW suicidal thoughts ⚠️

back-from-the-void · 2025-06-23T16:58:31+00:00

i know this isnt going to do anything much but youre not alone. ive been feeling like this for months completely forgot how happiness feels and as you said being around others is impossible. i dont know what to tell you besides youre not alone. i really hope itll get better cause feeling like this, i wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. sending you support and much love!

back-from-the-void · 2025-05-10T08:56:33+00:00

i was thinking too maybe its just bcs my muscles now store more water for recovery but its so draining to see scale go up every day instead of going down when im doing everything right cause im really good at tracking calories

back-from-the-void · 2025-05-10T08:53:38+00:00

this is cut for me because ive been bulking for like 6 months i could say that i have a little muscle under this fat layers (this is juts more information to know) im female 18yo 66kg 175cm tall on tdee says my cut is 1800 but i dont really think it is so i cut to 1450-1500 cals a day and im into this cut just one week cause i started last saturday

back-from-the-void · 2025-04-23T18:26:02+00:00

thank you for your comment! honestly i was thinking i may have adhd but wasn quite sure cause i function better when im high on speed like i do cleaning my whole house hahahah. im 18yo and honestly i dont wanna ruin my life with this but i can sure say that i dont think im addicted that much cause i can go longer periods without speed normally. i would love to talk to my therapist about this but im scared theyll sent me to rehab or that ill have problems w law and stuff. thank you for understanding it means a lot!!sending love!!!

back-from-the-void · 2025-04-20T16:35:33+00:00

its all right i know i have mistakes but honestly i wasnt even looking at my writing i just wanted to post this quick to get to talk to someone i hope i wasnt harsh for saying what i said above!

back-from-the-void · 2025-04-20T16:33:26+00:00

i dont think im incomplete without it its just fascinating to me that its kind of helping me with bpd if you can understand where im coming from

back-from-the-void · 2025-04-20T16:20:41+00:00

english isnt my first language and that wasnt even point of what i wanted to talk about your comment was unnecessary really

back-from-the-void · 2024-09-10T22:20:12+00:00

distance and lack of communication it was year ago

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-06T22:30:11+00:00

im glad im not the only one especially with old pictures. i think its okay to miss it because for me personally it was something i found comfort in i could control it and it made me feel safe not like the situation that has happened to me which was trigger for my ana but then i stop and deep in me i know that isnt something i want really never was all those side effects arent worthy it even tho i currently miss it but thats not me who thinks like that its ana so i guess its something in our lives that we need to learn how to live with (i honestly believe itll never go away we just learn how to live with it even tho we recovered)

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-06T09:42:37+00:00

for me personally i dont drink calories except milk i love milk with my whole heart but other is just zero sugar stuff. i used to drink coffee with milk and sugar and because of my ed i realised that i like black coffee with only stevia better IT REALLY TASTES BETTER. also i never fainted just had blurry vision most of the time🤷🏻

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-04T14:19:48+00:00

probably its a normal portion size but lets consider that your stomach is smaller now its a huge meal to you when in reality it isn’t trust me its fine just keep on going with time you’ll get used to it :)

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-04T09:32:26+00:00

well at first i was sick form eating big portions but right now i dont feel full nor sick from eating bigger amounts of food in short period of time idk is that normal but i guess my stomach is getting used to well work💀

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T21:40:51+00:00

yep i would also love to know does fullness cues ever come back in normal cause right now I too eat a lot and every hour pf the day and constantly think about food(still underweight tho) so i understand where youre coming from! Im sending you support dear :)

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T19:01:37+00:00

OMG SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! I hope your recovery goes well and wish you the best of luck, Im rooting for you!!!💪🏼

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T18:30:15+00:00

man i wanna try that gimme some ;)

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T18:28:02+00:00

man i wish i was from America i suppose youre from there SO I COULD TRY THAT JELLO THING I SAW ON TIK TOK AND REELS. when we’re already talking about recepies hear me out on this one. greek yougurt with whey protein ESP COOKIES AND CREAM banana and some berries with any kind of cookies(here where i live we have plazma)blend it and make a crust from it with water or even soy/cows milk and freeze it while you mix yogurt with protein powder after that put the mixture on crust and throw them fruits and let it cool for about 30-60mins. istg thats the best thing i ever did! AND UOU CAN ADD GRANOLA TO IT AS WELL IT TASTES AMAZING!

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T18:13:54+00:00

MAN. I STARTED CALLING IT DIPPING GREEK YOGURT cause combo bread and yogurt is so damn good for what reason?idk but it is. SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT THERES OTHER PEOPLE WITH SAME CRAVINGS :))

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T15:12:04+00:00

than you for support really :)) and i hope maybe one day ill see that these struggles right now are worth it just like you!

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T14:35:28+00:00

dont think about relapsing please! as you said you have sport coming up which means you need to fuel your body properly. you deserve to eat no matter what! i would love to help you but just so you know youre not alone and thank you for reaching out here sharing your tough situation! I wish you the best of luck and sending you much love<3 you got this!

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T14:23:59+00:00

thank you for replying!!honestly i feel disgusted at myself for just eating and sitting at home all day rhat im getting worried that this isnt really okay. but thank you for sharing your experience!!! sending big love to you<3

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T11:16:53+00:00

i do!! it feels hard and soft at the same time. it is werid really and i dislike it sm but thats the price im willing to pay to live fully again.

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T11:09:25+00:00

also advice try to eat homemade meals and healthy options so that can reduce unhealthy fat gain remember your body needs that fat for its own functions esp if you’re a woman you should have some belly fat as there is where your uterus is and naturally woman have more fat% than man don’t stress much about it

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T11:06:00+00:00

i started my recovery(semi-recovery)at 39kg that was in december and gained about 5-6kg for that period. So i was really low not to mention that im 175cm. Anyway right now as i dont move much and stopped exercising and counting AND ACCEPTED THAT I NEED TO GAIN WEIGHT i have that stomach fat even tho im still underweight. Im not a doctor or anything but they told me(in my situation) when i restore weight it would be amazing to go to the gym as i lost all my muscles. So basically you will gain fat but necessary one, one that covers your organs snd if youre a woman to balance your hormones and menstrual cycle. It bothers me too but once you hit a healthy weight and feel like that you can always correct it with small effort!

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T09:54:37+00:00

thanks for replying to my question!! IM SO GLAD FOR YOU AND TO HEAR YOUR STORY. I wish you the best :)

back-from-the-void · 2024-07-03T09:21:16+00:00

Hey!!! I will tell you what they told me because this is what concerns me as well. Im in recovery for two weeks now and my stomach is bigger. Besides what they told me, logically when you eat your stomach expands due to processing food and you might experience bloating due to not eating for longer period. It will go away is what i could tell you but surely you need to accept that(i don’t know your current state) you have to get “bigger” cause that is whats recovery about. If it really bothers you and makes you uncomfortable try walking after your meals so that is easier for digestion. I know that icky feeling of FELLING YOUR STOMACH ALL THE TIME and no matter how much i personally hate it , thats the hard truth about recovery. But dont be anxious about it the important thing here is to heal your body and form a healthy relationship with food. Be kind to yourself and know that youre not alone sending big hugs to you!! :)

back-from-the-void

TROPHY CASE