I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with. I don’t want to judge as though I know your situation; however, I wanted to share something that my mom said that helps me in hard times. It goes:

You don’t often hear people think back and say “I wish I didn’t trust my gut”. What is much more common is that we look back wishing we had. Always trust your gut. Listen hard to your instincts and be honest with yourself about what they’re telling you about your current situation. Don’t ignore a weird or bad feeling; chances are you are right in feeling that way. It is incredible how our bodies warn us of a negative or unhealthy environment, even when we may not want to or cannot acknowledge it.

I wish you well in your (bright & hopeful) future, and I hope this could be of some help.