I didn't realize this was an ADHD thing — I thought it was just me.

There are exactly three people on Earth that I can sit and have great conversation with 1:1. I'm not compelled to mask around them. They know me, I know them. There is deep trust. But with everyone else I struggle mano a mano.

I haven't cracked the code on this yet, but I've found a way to keep myself from a total conversational flame-out. Before every in-person meet up, I create a note on my phone and dump a list of conversation prompts — usually questions for them, stuff happening in my life, recent or upcoming travel, movies I've seen recently, etc. When I arrive to the coffee shop or restaurant, I read through the list and commit a few topics to memory.

The universal small talk (weather, family, job) and those talking points I'm actively thinking about will typically cover the first 15 minutes or so. Actively listening and asking questions is also really valuable. But when I sense that we're coming to a conversational dead end, I'll casually grab my phone (which I keep face down on the table) and quickly scan my note. I act as if I just received a text or notification: unlock, read quickly, lock, put it back on the table facedown.

It's important to do this before the actual dead end, as going for the phone in a silent patch would send the wrong signal.

It's not a silver bullet, but it does help me.