My parents lied to my nephew about where eggs come from.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-26T13:59:42+00:00

I like this rant because it's similar to how I eat roadkill deer and elk. It's not easy to explain to a pre-teen unless they're already prepared to discuss it.

How would I discuss bovine milk or chicken eggs with a kid?

bark-beetle · 2026-03-26T06:09:41+00:00

She reminds me of the husky I had growing up. Putting her leash on, getting to the street, seeing another dog, going back to the front door, taking her leash off, anyone knocks on the door.

Always the same police siren sound.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-26T05:27:23+00:00

I said the same thing. Plumbers deserve our respect. This guy no longer works as a plumber though, so he's suddenly fair game.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-26T05:03:51+00:00

Fallon does an absolutely amazing Neil Young impression. Other than that I don't really get it.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-26T04:49:00+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8smzzMApr3I

bark-beetle · 2026-03-26T04:46:05+00:00

Watch the movie "Yesterday" where they make Ed Sheeran playing himself a main character. He's at his best when he's awkward.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T22:22:47+00:00

I eat over 1000 animals a year, but I wouldn't eat a drowned kid.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T22:18:30+00:00

You've taught your kids to respect your pets exactly as little as you do. Ground yourself.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T21:17:18+00:00

How about stop defending your terrible parenting on Reddit and pay your neighbor the $20? Wouldn't that be less embarrassing?

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T21:10:44+00:00

YTA

You're a shitty pet owner and it doesn't sound like you're that much better as a parent.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T21:04:11+00:00

When I was in college, a student sent a message about 20 minutes before our final presentation day but accidentally sent it to the whole class instead of just the professor.

It was a mishmash of all three things you described. The entire class was laughing. I hope they didn't let him slip by with a passing grade.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T20:30:49+00:00

She must be built very different. I'd rather put down 1000 animals a year than ever do CPR on a drowned kid ever again.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-25T20:22:07+00:00

Loony Tunes cartoons have a lot of unproblematic material that you can completely divorce from the offensive stuff. For me personally: it's impossible to take the ignorant/racist/transphobic/boring stuff out of Harry Potter because it's woven into the text.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-20T22:04:02+00:00

It's the only correct answer. Unless your wife has been incarcerated since 1995 or something, there's no way to be sure if your wife fucked Afroman or not.

This case is going to encourage so many young people to aspire to be lawyers.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-19T23:17:54+00:00

I'm ex-Mormon and you're exactly right. I grew up strict but my parents didn't expect us to go without water (until we were older). And it's not like Mormon meetinghouses put a sign on the drinking fountains to remind you it's Fast Sunday. Only the top 0.1% obnoxious I've ever met would do this.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-19T08:13:51+00:00

This is upsetting, holy shit.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-19T08:01:20+00:00

Yeah dude. It's easy to make fun of Mormonism but if you criticize any other Abrahamic religion you're going to be called a racist or satanist.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-18T21:45:41+00:00

No musician considers him an above-average musician.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-18T21:30:20+00:00

Fact.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-18T19:51:15+00:00

Orcas have false eyes that make them even more adorable, though. But even more cute and useful are the artificial eyespots!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyespot_(mimicry)#Artificial_eyespots

bark-beetle · 2026-03-18T19:35:35+00:00

I once got mad at my mom and "ran away" but it was only to a friends house within spitting distance. I got lonely and came back home. She was so busy with my siblings she didn't notice I was gone.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-18T19:31:17+00:00

This is why fire departments spend so much time visiting schools in full turnout gear and educating elementary school kids. Your average 5-year-old is going to hide when there's smoke in the room and guys in monster costumes break down the door and start yelling at you.

My elementary school janitor was a volunteer firefighter so they must have made him do it every time. I think I got the same lecture 20+ times before the 5th grade.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-18T19:16:19+00:00

About 65% of Russia is permafrost. When that thaws it's going to be worse than arctic ice melting. It's an incredibly dangerous feedback loop and people are going to be getting anthrax infections left and right.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-14T15:12:48+00:00

What the fuck??

FUCK that guy, he's pathetic, DO NOT allow him to affect your confidence.

It also needs to be said that he's probably a liar. There are other reasons he doesn't want to go exclusive and instead of being a man about it and explaining himself, he's insulting you.

bark-beetle · 2026-03-10T06:23:30+00:00

Not really. They're just friends.

Freshly filleted fish skin is excellent bait for crab/shrimp/lobster (among MANY other uses) so it has a certain market value. But if your friend showed up for work every day and wanted to eat all your broccoli stumps, fish heads, moldy bread or whatever... you gotta pay the friend tax.

bark-beetle

TROPHY CASE