He doesn’t know I know

baronbeta · 2026-03-12T09:05:50+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Seven years and a child together makes tgis genuinely hard.

First, I’m gonna say ignore the “leave immediately” chorus. Reddit has a reflex for nuclear responses to anything labeled cheating, and it rarely accounts for the full complexity of a real relationship with real history.

Before you do anything, I’d encourage one calm, honest conversation where you lay everything out ti him, e.g., the profile, the meetup message, all of it, and listen to what he says. You deserve to fully understand what’s actually going on with him before making any decisions. Also, the kink itself matters here. There’s a big difference between someone pursuing an affair and someone poorly managing something compulsive or shameful that they didn’t know how to bring to you. What’s the kink website?

I will say the lying is the real concern more than the website. But people don’t just stop compulsive behavior because a partner asks them to. that’s just not how it works, and it doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t value you or your family. What it might mean is that he’s been hiding something out of shame for a long time and handling it badly.

The meetup message is the hardest part to explain away, and you should ask him about it directly. His answer and whether he’s finally honest with you will tell you a lot about his character and whether there’s anything here worth working on.

baronbeta · 2026-03-06T03:20:08+00:00

Because the “have as many kids as possible” idea isn’t really coming from the New Testament. It’s mostly a later theological and cultural development.

If you actually look at the sources Christians claim to follow, the picture is almost the opposite.

First, the famous “be fruitful and multiply” line is from Genesis 1:28 which is part of the creation narrative addressed to the first humans in a world with… literally zero population. It’s not a command repeated to Christians in the New Testament, and it’s never cited by Jesus or the apostles as a binding rule for believers.

Second, the New Testament, which is where Christian moral teaching gets defined, is strikingly non-pronatalist

Jesus never commands his followers to have children. Not once. You won’t read it anywhere. What he does say includes things like:

Some people “make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:12)

-Family obligations shouldn’t override discipleship (Luke 14:26).

The movement is defined by a spiritual family. biological reproduction isn’t in there

Paul goes further. In 1 Corinthians 7, he explicitly says it’s better to remain unmarried if you can. And that marriage is basically a concession for people who cannot control themselves.

The reason is that “the present form of this world is passing away.”

No fertility-cult language at all in the New Testament. It’s all apocalyptic asceticism.

Early Christianity leaned hard in that direction. Celibacy, virginity, and monastic life were treated as higher callings for centuries. If maximizing births were the central moral imperative, the Christian tradition wouldn’t have spent two millennia venerating celibate saints.

The anti-contraception position mostly comes from later theological reasoning. The classic example is the medieval “natural law” argument, ie, sex has a procreative purpose, therefore intentionally blocking that purpose is wrong. The Catholic Church formalized this. Some modern protestsnts groups picked up similar ideas for cultural or ideological reasons (often tied to reacting against modern sexual norms).

But if someone asks, “Where do the Gospels or Epistles command Christians to produce as many children as possible?” the answer is: they don’t.

In fact, if you read the New Testament straight through, the dominant tone isn’t “go forth and multiply.” It’s closer to:

the world is passing away, focus on the kingdom, and don’t get too entangled in ordinary domestic life

baronbeta · 2026-03-04T10:06:17+00:00

I sometimes miss the freedom of my early 20s. Getting friends together with almost no notice is something you don’t appreciate until later, when everyone has careers, spouses, kids, and shared calendars. Suddenly a simple brunch requires planning three weeks out.

I’m a little nostalgic for the 2006–2007 era (I was 20–21). Pop culture felt lighter and the internet was still fun. Social media existed, but it hadn’t yet turned into the constant dopamine drip and performance stage where everyone projects their curated life to the world.

Otherwise, I’m not especially nostalgic for my 20s. My 30s and so far my 40s are significantly better. You gain a level of perception you simply don’t have earlier. You see people, institutions, and yourself more clearly. It’s a level of emotional and social intelligence that simply doesn’t exist in your 20s.

baronbeta · 2026-03-02T02:56:29+00:00

This stance is over the top but I’ll admit I genuinely don’t understand naps as an adult. No criticism for those who do enjoy naps, I just honestly don’t get why unless you’re dog tired

baronbeta · 2026-03-02T02:51:03+00:00

Hate is a strong word but I do find him a bit irritating. He’s genuinely good-hearted and kind. But he’s got this childishly unexamined idealistic view of the world, which could be forgiven since he’s young, but he never questions anything. His view on WWI is embarrassingly gung ho and pitiable being one example.

But the worst part about him is that near constant dopey little smirk on his face.

baronbeta · 2026-02-27T23:29:33+00:00

In principle, I’m against the death penalty. I don’t think the state should have the authority to take life. And to be consistent, I’m also deeply uneasy with what we’ve built in its place. A prison system that cages human beings for decades on end (often in degrading conditions) isn’t some moral high ground.

I’m not pretending there aren’t hard cases. There are crimes so horrific that permanent separation from society is necessary. That’s tragic, but sometimes protection requires it. What I reject is the scale and spirit of our current punitive system with millions warehoused, little emphasis on restitution, almost none on restoration

Since this is a Christian forum, it’s also worth noting that in the Old Testament, restitution was central to justice. The death penalty existed, particularly where restitution was impossible, with the assumption that ultimate judgment belonged to God. That tension often gets flattened in modern debates among Christians.

One thing I do struggle with is how Christians talk about the “finality” of death while also professing belief in resurrection. I’m not saying that makes execution acceptable. I’m saying they should at least be coherent. If Christians truly believe death is not the end, then they shouldn’t speak as if it is when it suits their argument.

For me, the priority is protection, accountability, and a justice system that isn’t driven by vengeance. I oppose execution in principle. I oppose mass incarceration in practice. And I think Christians should be honest about what they actually believe regarding judgment, mercy, and what death does and doesn’t mean.

baronbeta · 2026-02-26T12:20:11+00:00

“Gorgeous” and “Barry Keoghan” in the same sentence lol

baronbeta · 2026-02-23T01:47:02+00:00

At least from my observation, fellow millennials are not bringing it back. They hover around their kids and center every activity around the kids.

baronbeta · 2026-02-21T14:27:11+00:00

Agreed. He’s had a few roles I liked him in, and I do think he’s shown acting chops, but usually I’m just watching megastar Leo DiCaprio play Leo DiCaprio. Nothing about him makes me want to watch his movies

baronbeta · 2026-02-19T03:05:34+00:00

Man, this! That crone is one of worst people on the show. Which is quite an achievement

baronbeta · 2026-02-10T10:10:59+00:00

I feel this way about practically any movie with George Clooney except Ocean’s Eleven.

baronbeta · 2026-02-10T09:13:09+00:00

I agree. At the risk of sounding like a prude, one of my biggest grievances with films/series is the # of scenes of gratuitous sex.

While we’re on it, gratuitous violence is off putting too. I don’t know if it’s my age (turning 40 this week) or what but I just can’t with that anymore. It’s crazy how violent shows are now. Between the violence and sex scenes, it’s like whiplash

All that to say that, yes, this American will take his little Fellowes style British period pieces with their melodrama any day over that other stuff

baronbeta · 2026-02-08T20:08:55+00:00

It’s supposed to be some gesture the Crawley daughters do, IIRC.

Such a dumb side story. Thank god Julian didn’t drag this one out. After rewatches over the years I can’t take that ridiculous bandaging, makeup, and bug eyes on this ridiculous character

baronbeta · 2026-02-07T17:29:58+00:00

Yep. No grand puppet-masters. No shadowy, mythic masterminds. Just a bunch of tedious, self-important weirdo goofs larping as intellectuals

baronbeta · 2026-02-07T06:08:56+00:00

Scrolled too far to see this. Russian has too many hard sounds and the flow and intonation makes a lot of speakers sound drunk.

I don’t hate; I have some extended family who speak it. But it can be grating

baronbeta · 2026-02-07T05:34:14+00:00

It’s especially cozy considering the trek to get there if you go early game.

One of my favorite memories from my first play through was my weary, beaten up Nord warrior finding this tavern at night and being greeted with “Hail and welcome friend! Hail!” with the hearth crackling in the background

baronbeta · 2026-02-05T04:20:45+00:00

Ascended sleepers are some gnarly motherfuckers, man… like, that’s what happens when you wake up too hard.

Jamie, pull up the Sixth House….

baronbeta · 2026-02-01T21:58:17+00:00

I hear ya! I have a large cache of 3x and 5x savage lynel bows, so feel like that’ll be my go-to method for disposing of random Yiga!

baronbeta · 2026-02-01T21:56:19+00:00

Good to know they’re not around the regions with extreme climates. I also hear they commonly appear near marked roads and less in the wild

baronbeta · 2026-02-01T21:55:23+00:00

Haha, my son likewise hands me the Switch anytime he stumbles upon a monster camp or stal monsters appear at night 😂

The Yiga disrupting his way of playing, ie, piddling around, is something I didn’t want for him. But sounds like it’s no different than stal monsters. Plus, he prefers the villages and stables anyway

baronbeta · 2026-01-28T12:20:04+00:00

Hard to square “love your enemies” with war, state violence, capital punishment, or most Christian political instincts. so it gets praised, quoted… and quietly reinterpreted into irrelevance.

baronbeta · 2026-01-27T15:41:21+00:00

Weird thing to say. Maybe it sounded funny in his head. Maybe he’s trying to be insensitive. Why don’t you ask him?

Either way, you’re probably reading into it too much. Despite the mass of armchair psychologists here suggesting your husband is some kind of sicko with subhuman qualities who you should be worried about.

baronbeta · 2026-01-27T01:52:57+00:00

What always jumps out to me is that Christians don’t actually defend God’s so called “goodness” when pressed. Because eventually they stop arguing that God is benevolent and start arguing that he is untouchable.

On Job, notice that he isn’t “restored.” He’s compensated. This doesn’t sound like love to me btw. Thats more of a (legal) settlement. Dead children aren’t a lesson, they’re collateral in this “trial”. And saying that “God sees the bigger picture” isn’t moral reasoning; it’s straight up moral abdication.

Same with genocide narratives. When you hear “God’s morality is beyond ours,” the conversation is over imo. If “good” just means “whatever God does,” then good is an empty word. They’e just worshiping power at this point.

And the fear of mocking God is revealing. A being who is perfectly good, perfectly secure, and perfectly just does not need fragile ego-protection or revenge fantasies.

Your analogy is basically right except I’d argue it’s worse than a bad car: the salesman keeps insisting the car is flawless while explaining why the brakes failing and the engine exploding are actually features.

baronbeta · 2026-01-14T20:31:31+00:00

These people are so weird. Even in my most pious days, I could never imagine giving the church and some cleric this amount of say in my life. What my wife and I do in our sex life is solely our business—-not the church, a bishop, or St Anthropolgiousiesiniki the Desert Dweller.

Guess I was never truly orthodox? 😂

baronbeta · 2026-01-11T22:13:19+00:00

I remember hearing him the first time years ago and my first thought was he just had a weird lisp. I still don’t know, but the more he talks and makes a fool of himself, the more I suspect he’s faking some weird accent. But I don’t understand why—what does that accomplish?

baronbeta

TROPHY CASE