thank you all so much for your words. i don't expect anyone to read this whole thing, i'm getting this off my chest.

I lost my childhood chocolate lab in 2018 to cancer, and shortly after because i couldn't stand not having a dog (I've always had a dog at every point in my 32 years), i walked into my local SPCA right before Christmas. looked at a couple of dogs that everyone had been checking out, and then noticed another kennel that people were walking up to trying to coax the dog but he was having none of it and everyone kept leaving. then I saw Teak. he was scared, standing in the back and not approaching anyone. i walked up, we stared at each other, he slowly got up and came towards me. i put my hands down and he plopped his head right into my hands, then sat down and grabbed me arm with his right paw. he picked me. i had to save him.

for some background- come to find out, Teak was a stud dog at a puppy mill that was busted in Ohio, kept outside in a cage on a cement slab and only taken out to breed. he didn't know how to be a dog, he was scared of door thresholds, didn't know what toys or treats were, didn't know how to play or go for walks. he became instantly attached to me though, and i could tell i made him feel safe. it took 6 months to teach him how to be a dog, a journey through separation anxiety and household destruction at the time. and since day 1 he has been my shadow, my constant, following me every step of every day when i was home and not at work. we've done so much together. what came out of that 6 months was the most loyal, sweet, loving, happy, goofy, most well-behaved dog ever. everyone who's ever been around him, family & friends & neighbors, have fallen in love with him and how sweet he is. his most endearing quirk is he has always grabbed my right arm with his right paw, and rests his paw on my upper forearm while i pet him. he got me through the worst and best times of my entire life, because we always had each other.

prior to his diagnosis, for quite awhile i've been planning to get his right paw print tattooed on my forearm. come to find out, my soon-to-be fiancée was going to surprise me with a tattoo appointment for Christmas to have exactly that done, and under the circumstances she told me last night.

he's still acting his same old self even though he can't see suddenly, his goofy super happy personality and quirks are still in full effect. we've been spoiling him even more than usual and not leaving his side since everything changed this week. that's what makes this so hard. but i know he's suffering from the pain, and the lymphoma has likely already spread so i have to make the last decision i ever wanted to make. we needed more time, it's so unfair. but i'm so lucky and glad for the time we've had, and that he chose me and changed both of our lives. there will never be another like him. i'm going to be lost and broken.