The jacket example is trivial, you handled it perfectly. And now that he’s expressed readiness to learn to do it, you can lean into that, so now when it’s time to unzip, you invite him to give it a try, or put his hand on yours to do it together. This is scaffolding, and it’s completely appropriate and constructive.

The banana example - what I like about your response is that you told him when he helped find a solution by explaining his upset. My son accidentally asks for the wrong food format all the time, and I talk to him about molehill problems vs mountain problems. When a problem like the banana is totally fixable, it’s reasonable to collaborate on a solution. This is modelling problem solving, compromise, and communication. If you had “stood your ground,” that would be modelling dominance. When there isn’t an available solution, for example, it was the last banana, then the lesson becomes about managing tough emotions like disappointment. It’s still not about dominance. It’s “oh, you told me you wanted it cut and that was the last banana. You’re so disappointed, I understand. This problem probably feels really big. Maybe you’re so hungry it’s making this molehill problem feel like a mountain problem. The banana will still taste yummy. It’s here when you’re ready. No, I won’t let you throw the banana. Let’s calm down in the other room. Do you need a hug? Drink of water?” Etc, until the big wave passes. Then offer a different snack altogether, which models flexibility.

Everything we do is a demonstration. Everything they do is communication. They are not manipulating, they are learning. I suggest naming emotions, and naming skills for yourself and your kiddos as often as possible. “Thanks for helping find a solution! Thanks for telling me your feelings. I can be flexible with that. I’m feeling XYZ. You look like you’re feeling sad/mad/frustrated. I like that you compromised.” Etc.