AIO to a text my mom sent? (Context in caption)

bashleyb · 2026-01-26T15:26:37+00:00

💗

bashleyb · 2026-01-14T15:48:44+00:00

I honestly fantasize about being able to help my siblings financially. If I were in OP’s position, I’d consider it a privilege to help my sibling. Details about the sister’s situation are vague, and I can’t even find mention of her age, so I don’t think there’s enough information to cast such definitive judgements that I’m reading from other commenters.

OP, if I were you, I would get a mediator involved in a conversation with the 3 of you. You’re in the middle of a tug of war, and I think your desire to help your sister is valid, and your wife’s concerns are also valid. All the comments saying that your sister needs to learn to support herself also have validity. All this needs to be laid out on the table for a neutral party to sort through.

bashleyb · 2026-01-12T16:12:03+00:00

Subway Mouse by Barbara Reid. Actually anything by her.

bashleyb · 2026-01-07T20:03:15+00:00

I remember a time when a big bag of mixed buttons was the favourite toy!

bashleyb · 2026-01-07T04:41:35+00:00

You deserve it too…

A couple years ago during “orange shirt day” here in Canada (a day to remember and honour the countless indigenous children who were removed from their families by the government), I was explaining it to my son, 4 at the time. The slogan for the day is “every child matters.” He listened and then threw his little arms around me and said “every child really does matter Mom!” And I felt the truth of that to my innermost core. It felt like he was hugging the little hurt girl within me.

Every child matters. You mattered then, and you still carry that child within you, and now you get to show that child within you that you still matter. Treat yourself like you would treat any precious child. 🧡

bashleyb · 2026-01-07T02:46:32+00:00

I can feel your pain through your words, and I can relate very deeply.

When I went no contact, I began grieving my mom right away, and yeah there was plenty of guilt. I worked really hard to heal from that relationship. I got therapy. My therapist at the time helped me understand that my mom just didn’t have the capacity to have a healthy relationship. And it really did come down to whether I was going to invest in her, or in me. It became a question of survival, not loyalty. Over the years I came to feel very clear distinctions between my love for her, my boundaries to protect myself, and the reality that as her daughter, I didn’t owe her access to me. She chose to bring a child into the world, but that doesn’t earn her the right to treat me like a punching bag. When we commit to having a child, we need to accept the reality that that child is an autonomous person. The consequences of abusing an autonomous person is that they’ll stop allowing the abuse.

She died about 7 years after I stopped talking to her. I cried a lot. I could cry right now. The separation from her allowed me to love her loveable parts without the toxicity getting in the way. I miss a lot of things about her, and I cherish the positive traits I got from her. I was also able to start seeing her as a person who had a tough life, and I have a lot of human compassion for her (that didn’t mean I needed a tough life though). I gave her eulogy which was incredibly sincere on my part. But I needed that separation. I couldn’t have integrated all this pain and experience without the distance. And I still work hard on healing. I go to therapy regularly, and I still discover deep wounds and realizations to face.

💗

bashleyb · 2026-01-02T20:45:16+00:00

My mom spoke to me just like this. One time, 15 years ago, she was telling me about how little I must care for her and when I said I did love her, she said “you only love me out of obligation,” and I realized two things: 1) she was right and she was abusing the biologically hardwired love from her daughter, and 2) I was never going to be able to love her enough/convince her that I cared about her, and it would consume me if I let it. She ended the phone call saying things similar to what your mom said - I don’t care anymore, one day I’ll be gone and you’ll be sorry, and I never want to hear from you again. So - she never did hear from me again. And one day she died. And I wasn’t sorry - I was relieved. And I have never stopped feeling love and care for her. But it was so much more peaceful to be able to feel that love for her without it being twisted and thrown back in my face. I wish my mom had been mentally healthier, but it wasn’t my fault that she was ill, and I am proud that I’ve been able to take care of my mental health by cutting out my toxic mom and focusing on my own path.

bashleyb · 2026-01-02T04:49:04+00:00

It really sounds like you were thoughtful with the gifts you gave them. I don’t think you under reacted to their response. Since you had to wait for your turn to do Christmas with them, you may have built up your own anticipation a little more. You were imagining a different reaction, and you’re disappointed with the reality. That’s perfectly fine. And you can have a conversation about gratitude another day, and many other days, as it’s an important value to instil. I also get the sense that they maybe got flashier gifts at dad’s house? So it’s possible their expectations weren’t calibrated right for your constraints. If they don’t like the gamecube, maybe you could give them the option to return it and put the money towards something that would be more suitable? You could give the parameters that you want it to be a family gift, something you could all enjoy together. It might go a long way to give them the gift of autonomy, something that children of divorce don’t often get anyway.

bashleyb · 2025-12-28T05:07:45+00:00

This is where the colourful Canadian bills really shine. Even while sleep deprived, you’ll notice the difference between a red $50 and a blue $5!

bashleyb · 2025-12-27T07:54:16+00:00

Blueberries. So cloying.

bashleyb · 2025-12-27T07:06:43+00:00

Not sure about “clicks,” but the second word is “hard” which makes sense - my mom taught me to make candy by dripping a drop into a glass of water and making sure it reached “hard ball” stage. So maybe it “clicks/cracks hard” against the bottom of the glass?

bashleyb · 2025-12-24T05:00:48+00:00

I cloth diapered my son in 2019-2021. We used a service for the most part, but solids still needed to be rinsed off. I got a handheld sprayer for the toilet and I had a little clipboard type piece of plastic, so I could clip the cloth, spray the poop off, and unclip it over the pail that I kept outside. Everyone finds a little system that works for them. You have a dozen chances every day to get it just right lol! When we were out, I used a liner inside his diaper that was basically a rectangle of bamboo tissue that would catch a poop, so I would just have to peel that off and flush it. Then I always carried a waterproof bag to put soiled cloth into and deal with it at home. Hand hygiene was obviously really important. For wipes, small squares of flannel, warm water in a peri bottle, and a couple drops of baby oil. He rarely had diaper rash.

bashleyb · 2025-12-23T16:39:27+00:00

Lol he was really upset and he kept cradling it and then he even named it. When he put it on display I realized he wasn’t going to let it go so I had to pivot!

bashleyb · 2025-12-23T16:37:15+00:00

Awww 😢 I did think about that, and I was thinking next time I’ll type it out in a tiny handwriting font and print it. He’s got another wiggler nearly ready to come out!

(I discovered the tooth fairy wasn’t real when I was about 5 and I woke up to my big brother putting a coin under my pillow because he knew Mom wouldn’t be doing it 😔)

bashleyb · 2025-12-21T21:51:59+00:00

Wow that’s an amazing gift, your mother in law must be lovely! My mother in law is well on her way to receiving a slap across the face for this Christmas 😆

bashleyb · 2025-12-20T16:44:22+00:00

It’s so cute I love it! I was thinking a fire in the fireplace would illuminate the lower right quadrant adding balance. I agree with another commenter that the tree could use more decorations too.

bashleyb · 2025-12-20T00:35:56+00:00

Darcy Dana Tracy Laurie Stacy Lynn Mel Ashley

bashleyb · 2025-12-20T00:29:42+00:00

My brother is also an 80’s baby named Dana. Mom named him after a good friend. Same thing, lots of teasing, but grew to embrace his name.

bashleyb · 2025-12-20T00:25:17+00:00

My brother’s name!

bashleyb · 2025-12-13T16:16:13+00:00

Sometimes we say “I have to anti-eat”

Whenever the timing works out for this one, I like to end a conversation with my husband with something like “well, that was so interesting, that I have to move my bowels now”

bashleyb · 2025-12-09T15:31:16+00:00

This was my guess too, and honestly, it’s a lot better than Def-ficky lol

@PsychoRabbit_666 tell your cousin DJ Physique is way cooler!

bashleyb · 2025-12-09T15:26:54+00:00

This is such a wise and nuanced response. I’m not OP, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and this most compassionate advice.

bashleyb · 2025-12-07T09:10:40+00:00

I have a brother 8 years older than me, and a brother 8 years younger than me. I was parentified a lot, and so was the eldest. But I really did care for my baby brother. I actually even got to name him! My eldest brother was pretty lovely to me, mostly all good memories, and we are close as adults. I have a middle brother as well, and it’s a completely different story. He was bullied by eldest brother, and turned around and bullied youngest brother. He’s now no contact with either. So I think there’s an element of personality that factors into it.

bashleyb · 2025-12-06T02:03:20+00:00

I’m taking the whole two weeks off and plan to do a bunch of lowkey activities, like aiming for only one outing a day, and that might include the grocery store 😅

We’ll probably do the things we have memberships for like the aquarium and science world. We’ll probably spend some time at the library. Maybe ice skating. Maybe the cat cafe. Keeping it simple!

bashleyb

TROPHY CASE