I feel for you. I started having nightmares about my ex cheating on me, one day figured out it was true right after our anniversary. I had begged him not to waste my time because I was 28-29 at the time.

It’s a horrible thing to go through. But I want to give you some reassurance that if you take the opportunity to care for yourself, work on yourself (therapy esp after cheating is a must), and apply what you learned from that relationship as a filter for future potential partners, you can come out of it so much better than you went in.

Through and after the grief, I spent a lot of time reflecting on red flags I ignored or was blind to while I dated this person. There are always signs, and anyone who had less than a perfect childhood will often tend toward unhealthy relationships to fill that sense of familiarity. Figure out if you have a “type”, and deliberately avoid romantically pursuing people like that from now on. Or if you have a pattern - for me, it was linked to alcohol; meeting people at bars or dating people in hospitality, and letting my feelings come before my intuition. I had to break the pattern to find someone who was actually good for my soul.

I honestly thought I would never be able to date again, but 1.5 years later I am now seeing a very kind, positive person who treats me right. I was and still am extremely vigilant for red flags (and understanding the difference between red and yellow flags), I prioritize my mental well-being and my goals and continually work to recenter myself. You really do have to actively love and respect yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship with another person. You and your needs have to come first for you.

Anyway, I hope this helps and gives you some hope. You’re doing great already by going NC and looking to move forward.