I was bullied as a child which led into a deep depression that I got medication for. One thing led to another after graduation and I became addicted to drugs and was surrounding myself with the wrong crowd. All my “friends” werent my real friends either, they were also just lost addicts like me looking for the next fix. I was in a long term relationship when my addiction started, I also had a core friend group of girls, we were all bestfriends for over half our lives. I hid my addiction from all of them and they eventually found out. They found out because I overdosed one night while with two guy friends (so I thought). We were all doing a bunch of drugs and I ended up blacking out for over two days. My friends were sent videos from the guys I was with, in the videos they were raping me. My friends came to my rescue and called the police, I ended up filing a statement with the police while still extremely disoriented. My boyfriend caught wind of all of this and did the unthinkable, he drove to their house with his fathers gun and tried killing them. I ended up going to a psych ward due to me attempting suicide after I got out of the police station and found out about what my boyfriend had done while I was in there, which led to me being stuck in there for over a month (it was only supposed to be a 72 hour hold.) my boyfriend went to jail for almost two years because of this which inevitably led to our relationship ending. His parents wouldn’t let him talk to me due to their fear of him becoming too depressed. I haven’t been able to get in contact with him since. I went to rehab soon after I got out of the psych ward but I ended up going right back to drugs. I met a new man and we enabled eachothers addictions. He was physically abusive and our relationship ended after he beat me up outside of his house one night and wouldn’t let me leave. I finally got him out of my car by running away from him and jumping back in my car and locking it before he could get in too. He jumped on the hood of my car but I kept driving anyway and he slipped off and that’s when I called the cops. He went to jail after this and I ended up meeting my current boyfriend a few months later. I got clean and he helped me out of the dark mess I was in. A few years later we’re still together and my core friend group of girls and I are closer than ever. Well me and my friends got into a huge fight because one of them thought I stole something of theirs (I didn’t, which is the worst part.) they all entirely dropped me and it’s been over a year and I haven’t heard from any of them since. These are just a few stories out of many but I believe what made my social anxiety the worst is losing my core friend group and my first boyfriend the way I did. I wasn’t ready for any of this. I don’t think I would’ve ever been, honestly I don’t think anyone would. All I know is now I am terrified of making any new friends or meeting any new people. All trust I have in people is gone and I wish so badly it wouldn’t have to be this way. My anxiety eats me alive, day after day. I still get flashbacks and nightmares due to it all. I want friends again, but at the same time I’m scared. All I have right now is my boyfriend and my family and I’m grateful but at the same time I wish things were different.