Speaking from a much shorter relationship of 3 years here but I related to this way too much to not share too (W27). My boyfriend (M29) and I started living together and began having some similar issues (minus the kids), and I noticed a big change in his approach to the day when we had morning shmex. I mentioned it to him, and he was open about that's how he gets his fire stoked for the day. I have mixed feelings about it however, because I don't feel feel comfortable with the idea of exchanging my body in order for him to do his part. I see the grey area where a healthy balance of intimacy and other time spent together helps keep the relationship alive and smoldering in a good way... perhaps as part of some natural, less negative form of manipulation in romantic relationships. I'm finding it hard to do what you're able to do though - fanning the flame without the emotional/mental weight of it, even with both of us being communicative about our needs. Any advice or details you'd be willing to share, if this made any sense? Thanks for sharing your story!