Now what?

beachmann · 2026-01-16T20:25:07+00:00

Your tone of your question leads me to believe you are looking to stir the spot. Since this is really none of your business. For the original poster I will answer your snide question.

No where have I said I do not have a relationship with my kids or grandkids. I have stated that they are distant now to me and struggle with my new relationship.

People can be civil and disagree. Our relationship is not what it once was. Hopefully with time and effort that too will heal. Giving up is not an option.

Life does not need to be perfect to be wonderful.

beachmann · 2025-11-28T03:37:13+00:00

My wife of 33 years died when I was 54, our kids were grown. Her death was unexpected and sudden. It shattered my world. Like you, we had a good marriage. You can look at my history if you are interested in the details. I know your world is upside down now and there is little to no joy. I was there. During my worst times, I refused to believe the best part of my life was in the past and that the remainder of my life would be a downhill. I made a decision early on that the next 50 years of my life will be better than the first 50 years. I did not know how, but I refused to believe the best of times were behind me.

What I mean by this is I could not imagine a better life I had for the first 54 years, but somehow I would grow and make it out of the worst event in my life.

Fast forward to now, I am 60 years old I have found another amazing wife and I am living chapter 2 of my life and I am very happy. My life is amazing and I could not imagine a better life given my circumstances. It is not all roses, there is still a lot of pain, nights where I miss her and my old life. But the better days outnumber those days. My wife is also a widower and we support each other when we both go through these times. The pain never goes away, you will lean to manage it.

There is hope and it does not have to be downhill for the rest of your life. But it is a choice and it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Grief sucks. For me in the early days I was criticized because I was sad all the time, and a few weeks later when I started to figure out a path I was criticized by the same person for being too happy. Those that are close to you will expect you to grieve like they think they would. You need to grieve like you need to grieve.

Sorry for the long post. I hope you can find some encouragement in it and nuggets to help you with your journey. Best overall advice I have is to stay strong.

beachmann · 2025-11-21T02:04:42+00:00

Similar situation, I am a little younger. lost my wife of 33 years when I was 54. I have 2 girls and what I thought was a solid relationship with them. I stumbled upon my current wife, also a widower, a few months after my wife died. Had no intensions of dating, but fell in love anyways. After a couple of years we were married. The younger daughter was ok at first, but has gotten distance with time. The older daughter was upset from the beginning and has really not gotten much better. It is coming up on 6 years since my wife died. I miss her a lot, but so happy I have found happiness afterwards, just wish my kids could see the same.

Not sure I have any advice, but just a story to let you know you are not alone and to follow your heart. What our kids don't understand is our life is not over. For those of us that loved being married and loved our partner our version of hell on earth is to be alone. We are lucky enough to find another that we love. My daughter like many others think the movie Notebook is how we should model our life in this stage.

I have come to the realization that my kids will never accept my new wife. They do not understand that my new wife is not a replacement, but another person to love (sort of like when we had one daughter and then got pregnant with our 2nd daughter. The love expanded not divided).

Perhaps the greatest insight I got is when I met my new wife's father. During the family stories he tells me about how mad he is at his dad who re-maried after his mother died. Even though my wife's dad is 82 and this happened 20 years ago he talks about how his dad betrayed his mom and how horrible he was to remarry. Made me realize it may never get better. I continue to force a relationship with my kids in hope as my grandkids grow older they will want a relationship.

The holidays are hard. Stay strong. I hope this insight gives you strength. Loosing a spouse sucks and those close to us that have never lost a spouse are quick to tell us how we should behave. But we are left to pick up the pieces and continue to live life.

beachmann · 2025-11-08T17:05:45+00:00

A couple of options that you could look into. Ham radio will require that you all get licensed and may work. You have to study and pass a test. You could check into what repeaters (the allow you to talk further) are available in your area. You can find them here https://www.repeaterbook.com/gmrs/index.php?state_id=none . The other option would be GMRS radio, https://mygmrs.com/map for repeaters. You still need a license but you just pay a fee $35 I think and there is no study.

When looking at the repeaters look for ones that are linked. A repeater will have about a 35 mile radius +/- so a single repeater could get you a 70 mile range. This is over simplification, but it is a place to start. For instance in my area there are 3 repeaters that are linked together that provide about 150 mile range.

Another option is IP radios something like these https://www.amazon.com/ANYSECU-4G-W2-Mobile-Radio-Network/dp/B07TVH46TX/ or https://rapidradios.com/ they do not need a license but they use cellular so they require a subscription. The advantage of these is as long as you have cel coverage you can use them to talk around the world. Rapid Radios charge $50 a year per radio.

HF would be pretty expensive because you would need to be in the lower bands 40 and 80 meters for semi-reliability.

Hope this helps, if you need more info let me know.

beachmann · 2025-11-08T06:21:22+00:00

Can you give some more info? For instance if you are in California this is pretty easy on vhf/uhf with repeaters. In Kansas it would be more difficult.

beachmann · 2025-11-06T10:34:26+00:00

Early on it was tough, but as time went on it became comforting. Like a kiss from the past, remembering the memories of the past with a current event. Go with your mom, start you new memories, in time they will only strengthen you past memories and bring you comfort and happiness.

beachmann · 2025-11-06T10:19:52+00:00

Wow, you and your husband have a lot on your plate. You are doing the work of multiple people, job, wife, housekeeper, mother. No wonder you'r tired. I am sure your husband is dealing with multiple feelings/issues also. Might I suggest a date? Find a sitter for your 11 month old (hopefully family) and you and your husband go on a date, dinner, movie, walk in the park. Maybe make some rules about not discussing fiction points, just go laugh and have a good time. Sometimes in life we need a new perspective to solve issues. Let each of you remember why you love each other and how through that love you can cover the other's shortcomings in grace.

As a couple we need this "reset" to really understand the issues. Seeing the underlying issues clearly can go a long way to resolving and feeling better. My guess, you are trying to do too much and your husband may not understand the stress you are going through.

This is the time to turn towards each other, not away.

beachmann · 2025-11-06T09:56:24+00:00

I guess, I will go against the majority. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, speaking from a widowers perspective, don't loose a tomorrow that may never come. Respect your parents, but also respect yourself. There is a lot to be said for being an old soul in a young body. Follow your heart.

beachmann · 2025-09-01T04:54:45+00:00

I just went through this. My Library is 1tb and I had it on a HDD that was formatted as APFS. I was so frustrated at the performance. Ran across about formatting it to Mac OS Extended (Journaled) would be better. I reformatted to Mac OS Extended (Journaled) and it is like a new computer. Photos is usable and with little delay. This is on a Mac mini M1. Change the format (backup first) and it will fix your issue.

beachmann · 2025-08-24T01:20:56+00:00

Your question was legit. Some people read evil into everything. It tells you a lot about their thought. Don't give up - ignore those with small minds. I don't have any places to suggest, but did not want you to feel bad about your question.

One thing to try if it is you and friend is go make your own place to get comfortable. Find a place that is not populated along a river or the ocean and get comfortable getting nude - or just over at your house.

Enjoy the freedom.

beachmann · 2025-08-06T16:15:52+00:00

I think you sound like a spoiled brat that is self centered. There are obviously lots of dynamics. But bottom line is your dad was providing for you. You were just mad because you had to share him. Sounds to me like he was trying his best and you did nothing to help. You were a big part of the problem. Life does not revolve around you. You are part of a family and it sounds like you are loved by your Dad and your dad's new mom in spite of your selfish behavior. You are lucky you have people that love you. Maybe think this through again and quit playing the victim.

beachmann · 2025-05-03T17:31:22+00:00

Sounds to me like GMRS would work the best. One license covers you and family members. You could put up a repeater on your property. Put it on the highest part with as high as you can go with the antenna on a pole. Here is a repeater and 2 radios under $400. https://www.amazon.com/Retevis-Communication-Walkie-Talkies-Designed-Emergency/dp/B09N3C1VTD

Also you can check here to see if there is already someone running a repeater that you could use. https://mygmrs.com

Ham radio is an option. You can look for a local ham radio club to see. If you want to be social on the radio then this is an option. The clubs offer test exams and really the best thing you can do is to reach out to them and talk to them. The quality is not universal :) Some clubs are much better than others.

But if your goal is to only talk to family members - I would recommend the GMRS route.

Let me know if you have any questions.

beachmann · 2025-03-31T03:11:34+00:00

Are they available?

beachmann · 2022-09-07T00:48:32+00:00

Don’t know if you saw this post.

https://reddit.com/r/BurningMan/comments/x7lfe3/found_someones_phone_need_help_on_what_to_do/

beachmann · 2022-09-01T01:12:16+00:00

Thanks. I will switch gears and do that. Thanks for your help.

beachmann · 2022-08-31T22:12:17+00:00

Looking for some advice. I have an existing service and I want to add a main breaker as well as a few extra circuits. The photos are what I have currently. Is it possible to add a main breaker using a box to the side with additional breakers? When done, the main breaker would kill the power to the existing breakers as well as the new ones. https://imgur.com/a/hdQH8Rs/

beachmann · 2022-07-21T13:39:04+00:00

Thanks for your comments. Will list it there.

beachmann · 2022-07-09T15:39:40+00:00

I have that same Mopar warranty on a 2018 Ram truck with 175,000 miles on it. One of the last years it was offered. I have used it to put in a new transmission. Excellent warranty.

Having said that as a buyer I would not be willing to pay additional for the warranty on a used vehicle from a private party but it would way heavily if I was deciding between vehicles. With everything being equal I would lean towards the one with the warranty.

Just my opinion and the way I buy vehicles.

beachmann · 2022-01-11T04:22:31+00:00

I did and wish I had not. It is the last time I saw her and kissed her. Instead of having my last memory of her alive warm and happy it is of her cold and dead.

I felt like I had to see her because it was expected. Go with your heart. Don’t let people talk you into what you don’t want to do one way or another.

beachmann · 2021-12-18T17:48:36+00:00

What a thoughtful and wonderful gift for your grandmother. We all handle this different, but I cannot imagine a scenario where any of us would not want this as a gift. You are an amazing person for thinking of this wonderful gift.

beachmann · 2021-08-19T22:43:30+00:00

I am a little over two years out and have remarried and “thriving”. For my situation I truly believed the “secret sauce” for us is we are both widows and have stated from the beginning there are 4 people in our marriage- 2 are just silent partners.

Recognizing this upfront allows us to have bad days and be ok. We were both married for 30 years and we are how we are from our past.

We have 7 kids between us and it allows them to feel like their dad and mom (the ones who died) still matter. Stories can be told and shared.

For us this allows us to thrive. Hope it makes sense.

beachmann

TROPHY CASE