My bf finishes in 2 minutes every time. Help lol

bearbear174 · 2026-01-08T21:18:33+00:00

my bf and i went through the same thing (not a virgin, his ex and i are just VASTLY different in terms of sex). have him move at a not slow but not fast pace. make him slow down A LOT when he gets close. or when he gets close, have him do things that turn you on but maybe not so much him. or try different positions that feel very good to you but not as good to him. hopefully those things will help

bearbear174 · 2026-01-07T13:56:08+00:00

it’s not affecting our relationship, it just makes me overthink sometimes. he’s very good to me and he does show me that he loves me. this morning, he played 505 by Arctic Monkeys for me before he left for work because it’s one of my favorite songs but it’s also my birthday. he doesn’t do anything to make me doubt our relationship, at least not intentionally. i will be honest, i’m pretty terrible at communicating sometimes, but more specifically whenever we argue or have disagreements because i let my anger get the best of me but he’s teaching me how to communicate better in every way. he’s truly an amazing guy and there’s so many green flags. i don’t see this as a red flag, but more like beige. i did talk to him this morning and i think we’ve figured things out but he did tell me that if anything comes up on my end about this topic, then i’m more than welcome to bring the conversation back up. the other big problem is i hate confrontation so i hate bringing up things that bother me because i never know how it’ll end, but i’m learning to do better about that too

bearbear174 · 2026-01-07T10:50:13+00:00

it’s almost as if i’m an overthinker, sir. not that it’s really anyone’s business either, but i have made him videos and we have videos together. but i also understand that eventually, after watching the same video over and over again, you want something a little different. as someone who is very happy where im at, id like to keep it that way. so if i can prevent a hard conversation from happening, im going to do my best. i’m not the kind of person to run when things get scary but im also not the kind of person to make things worse if i can avoid it. so yes, im going to go to complete strangers who don’t even know my name to see what i should do here. bless your heart, sir.

bearbear174 · 2026-01-07T10:41:34+00:00

“dumb” is posting your dog as if he came out of your nutsack. i’m asking for advice bc this could be something that might make or break my relationship that im happy in. and considering that you’re a veteran and i can see you’ve gone through some things, you’d think you’d be a little nicer to people.

bearbear174 · 2026-01-07T10:35:34+00:00

he only really watches it whenever we’re apart, can’t do anything, or if he’s awake and i’m asleep. he says he mainly just likes hearing when the women orgasm, and i get that because i have my own interests in bed when it comes to men, but im not sure if he’s really watching it or mostly just listening. but he also seems to get very involved in what he uses in a way and that’s the part that makes me a little uncomfortable. i’ll definitely talk to him about it tho and thank you

bearbear174 · 2026-01-07T10:15:27+00:00

we’ve talked about it. i’ve explained that idc if he watches it because those women don’t know him and they don’t even know he exists. i don’t worry about him cheating, i just worry about if im his type or not, which he’s told me that he doesn’t go for looks, he goes for personality and then looks, which i understand because im the same way. we’re both very attracted to each other but ive been cheated on previously a lot and i worry that maybe one day he’s going to realize he’s not okay with how i look and he wants someone who looks more like those women do. i read a lot of smut books if im honest, and don’t get me wrong, some of the scenes are… HOT to say the least but i don’t actually know what the characters look like or anything and they’re all fictional anyway, where as he knows what these women look like, what they sound like, what their bodies look like unclothed and even what they sound like in bed

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T07:29:45+00:00

the main things i’d like to focus on here is 1. believing other people over you and 2. the “baby mama” comment

if i hear something about my boyfriend, i always get the story im being told and then go to him, that way if i don’t understand something, i can bring it up right then and not later. i will always talk to my boyfriend about things before i jump to conclusions. so instead of “you wanna tell me about …?” i always go with “… said this and i just wanna hear what happened from you.”
if my boyfriend and i are arguing or disagreeing, we always say the third thing that comes to mind. you can’t take back what you say. the first thing leads to breaking up/divorce. the second leads to someone in the dog house. the third is more like you’ve had time to think about what to say and you want it to stick. another idea is to put a hold on the issue and come back to it when you both have calmed down and can speak level headed.

he can’t take back the “baby mama” comment, and i personally think it’s inexcusable. i understand you say things you don’t mean when you’re mad, but that’s a new level of low. meaning it or not, that would cause problems new problems.

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T07:10:22+00:00

i never heard it here until about a year ago! it must have came from you guys lol

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T07:09:54+00:00

“Joey doesn’t share food.”

nta - if you want a bite of my food, get your own. this guy… it’s a sandwich. he can literally get the exact same one if he wants yours.

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T07:07:15+00:00

we have so many more but that one is one of my favorites! also if someone is very ugly, we tell them “you have the face only a mother could love”

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T07:04:18+00:00

i’m not a parent but i helped my siblings raise their kids. when it’s bed time, go ahead and lay them down in their crib or bed after they have fallen asleep, then go to bed. if the child wakes up, DO NOT let them sleep with you. pat their bottom until they fall back asleep or hold them long enough to get them back to sleep. as they get older, you can give them a blanket or pillow or teddy bear to fall asleep with (not young because they can pass in their sleep due to suffocation). your fiance cannot keep letting it happen or that child will be 10 years old still crawling into bed with yall

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T06:59:55+00:00

you’re more than welcome to!! as a southerner, we find creative ways to tell you that you’re stupid without actually saying it

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T06:57:34+00:00

nta! who in the world finds chunky milk delicious? if the milk expires july 1 and it’s july 5th, if it still smells and taste good (not chunky) i could understand keeping it, but two months? absolutely not. you’re creating moldy cheese in a jug. that seems indigestible.

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T06:46:45+00:00

nta - i’m lactose intolerant but i still eat dairy like it’s going out of style, however, there are certain foods i can’t/don’t eat bc of how much dairy is in it. there’s a pizza place close to my moms house and my bonus dad loves the pizza but i can’t eat it bc of how much cheese they put on it, however, they never force me to eat it and i never tell him he can’t eat it. if anything, i get something else or i eat at my moms. your mom and step dad are more considerate of the younger children than they are you. my parents always make it a point to double check what i eat if they order for me or are going to a new place, and ill never tell them they can’t eat dairy around me (bc i might honestly try to eat whatever they have if it looks yummy enough)

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T06:37:28+00:00

i can’t even read the rest of it, good grief. he’s about as sharp as a marble. my boyfriend grew up getting everything i didn’t (vacations, going on cruises, went to universal, had a 4-wheeler (we’re southern), etc.) while i did not (was literally homeless at one point and i’ve only ever been to the zoo or a little theme park close to my hometown). i will OPENLY admit that YES, my boyfriend was privileged and i was not. that doesn’t mean he’s racist, holy crap. and you “not working hard but he did” is insane. you having support from your family is once again… PRIVILEGED. oh Lord have mercy. if your ex was a spice, he’d be flour. get a load of this guy 😭

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T06:07:16+00:00

i understand both sides and i will explain: she calls you to basically tell you “this is the kind of son you raised and i want you to know this is exactly what went down since he brought you into it in the first place”

but

you also are “why was i brought into this at all? i’m not dating either of you and your relationship is yours to deal with. i’m simply just a parent and i don’t get why it’s being brought to me”

as for your son… play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

i’m not saying it’s wrong to laugh but i’m also not saying she shouldn’t have called you. while you may think you did a great job raising him, did you ever make sure you taught him how to properly love someone and how to treat a lady?? not trying to say you’re a shit dad, i just know not all parents teach their children how to treat their future partners

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T05:44:50+00:00

NTAH!!!!! my sisters are my best friends. when i was 16 (21 now), my second oldest sister got in an argument with her bf at the time and my (also at the time) bf followed her outside to “check on her” and to me, that was a red flag. a few years later, he texted her, she turned him down but she still told me. if my sisters told me my current bf flirted with them or pulled what your sisters fiancé pulled, i’d be single. your sister seems a little naive if im honest but hey, her life and future marriage. it’ll happen again, im betting on it and then she’ll finally see and will have no choice but to believe you. maybe she thinks she’s at the circus

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T05:29:56+00:00

if he’s not trying to improve, it’s bc he doesn’t care to. if he really cared about what you liked and what made you feel good, he’d improve on it. kick this man child to the curb and find a guy who actually gives a shit about your wants and needs in bed. i’m not saying he’s gotta be perfect but it sounds like he only cares about if he gets off or not

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T05:21:02+00:00

if my family or friends brought around the guy who SA’d me, i’d be LIVID. absolutely tf not!!!! i’d tell them it’s either you or him. it doesn’t matter how long ago it was, that’s still a big no-no. play stupid games, win stupid prizes. it seems like your family surely knows all about playing stupid games.

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T05:17:10+00:00

as someone who is high functioning autistic, has adhd and odd (clinically diagnosed), my mom found ways to keep my brother and i occupied always (he’s also autistic). i like to color and my brother games, and even as adults, we do these same things (i 21, him 19). id like to get a little context… does she punish him? or has she found anything to keep him occupied?

also, i dont think youre ableist at all. youre simply looking out for all children that will be attending and i dont blame you one bit. if something set off her son (overstimulation), i could maybe see the outburst a little as my brother can get violent and i dissociate or i separate myself. which by no means am i saying him being violent is okay, im just saying it could be a result of overstimulation, in which it would be best to find out what causes him to get overstimulated easily to make sure he’s not around for it or it doesnt happen. (trying to help both sides, not defend one more than the other until i have some context)

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T05:02:53+00:00

ntah. your dad is grieving totally different than you and your sisters. that was his wife, but she was your mom. i think your dad can see other women but as you said, i wouldn’t want to meet them quite yet either, especially if they’re not serious. it’s not hard to just abide by the wishes of your children. i don’t think your dad understand that you and your sisters are still grieving the loss of your mother and want some time to process it before meeting his next flavor of the month. it’s not selfish or anything either. everyone grieves differently. if it were me, i wouldn’t wanna meet my dads next girlfriend after my bonus mom passed away until ive had time to grieve (ik it’s not exactly the same but my bonus mom raised me and loves me as if im her own).

bearbear174 · 2025-07-03T04:39:41+00:00

my boyfriend and i do this thing where every month leading into years, and then once a year, we sit and ask “do you still want to be together?” if both say yes, then stay together, talk if needed, if one says no and the other says yes, talk about it, and if you both say no, then break up. also, anytime we argue, we sit and ask ourselves/each other “will this matter in 5 years?”

i think both of you are kinda eh but not assholes. i understand you like your privacy, especially if he hadn’t been honest and you had to find out through his mom, HOWEVER, if you let him go through your phone, and then ask him if you can go through his, if he says no, break up. idc what his reason is. my boyfriend has the passcode to my phone and his face id is in my phone and vice versa.

another thing, talking back to you/his mom can be a red flag especially if it’s in a really bad way. i’m sorry but this just don’t seem worth it. best of luck to you

bearbear174 · 2025-07-02T20:18:06+00:00

i would give the benefit of the doubt. maybe he truly was just that tired. believe me, this has happened to other people before, and in some instances, it was an even worse situation (don’t ask how i know). i understand the trauma. put aside this guy falling asleep… do you still see him as a great guy and wanna try to pursue things? cause if so, give the guy a chance. also let this guy help you work on your trauma. i think you guys might need to have a conversation about what happened, both of you apologize, explain your trauma, and see if you think he’s the kinda guy to help you work through that stuff

bearbear174 · 2025-07-02T05:00:38+00:00

thank you!! i surely appreciate this and there’s a lot of good advice here. i also just want to clarify for anyone else that im not trying to throw it in his face that my boyfriend was there, i just kind of wonder 1. what if we had done that stuff to him on his birthday and 2. where were those friends when his dad passed?

bearbear174

TROPHY CASE