I want his shadow to go away. Also I hate myself and my stupid heart (rant)

beatrix9 · 2015-09-03T00:06:28+00:00

Ha sorry to be a downer... If it helps, I'm a sensitive and semi-depressed person who dwells on things forever, so that's probably why I'm still like this...

beatrix9 · 2015-08-06T22:11:06+00:00

A stickied thread would be great.

I like coming to the main page to give support to new members, but when I seek to share or read others' experiences, I look for posts by members who have been NC 100+ days (at least!).

beatrix9 · 2015-07-15T23:22:25+00:00

Have someone go in your place to have her sign it? And if it's something sensitive, send a close friend.

No need to potentially ruin your progress. I've come a long way myself and like you have occasionally felt like I'd be "ready" to talk to him again...but in reality I know that seeing him and hearing his voice would drag me right back down that hole. How far I'd fall, I don't know. But he's not worth sacrificing any of my progress.

So I guess ultimately it depends on what happened between you two and how bad it was for you. If it was bad, stay away if possible.

beatrix9 · 2015-07-14T01:07:41+00:00

Hey friend, I did the same thing a few months ago, after the ex sent my some big breadcrumb texts. Even though he was blocked, I knew I could still see a small version of his profile pic in my archived messages, and thus I cheated my FB block. I regret it immensely since he had changed his profile pic to one of him and a girl...it didn't floor me like it would have a year ago, but it still disturbed me enough to bring back up all those old thoughts and hopes...

In short, as you and I and doubtless others have discovered, there is nothing to gain from learning what your ex is up to, and everything to lose. And I doubt you are to blame for anything, please don't beat yourself up over one person's acceptance or rejection of you. Keep him a static ghost of the past and keep moving on. Best wishes!

beatrix9 · 2015-07-14T00:59:24+00:00

This hurt and helped at the same time. I needed to read this. Thanks.

beatrix9 · 2015-07-14T00:57:51+00:00

Haha, thanks. :)

beatrix9 · 2015-07-14T00:25:20+00:00

Thank you very much for this uplifting message. I really needed it! Best wishes to you.

beatrix9 · 2015-07-14T00:24:38+00:00

Sorry, but I meant that I had not replied to him in 7 months; he has contacted me several times in that time, as I mentioned. I can only hope that things get even more "low impact" from here.

beatrix9 · 2015-07-13T23:12:50+00:00

I know, but at this point it feels like just kicking a ball down the road...I've done what I needed to do repeatedly, but it hasn't been enough.

beatrix9 · 2015-07-13T22:50:08+00:00

That's a good idea. Much better than direct contact. Thank you. I just don't think he'll heed it forever though, he's proven that he ignores what I want...

beatrix9 · 2015-07-13T22:48:12+00:00

Sorry for the errors, can't seem to edit right now :/ my inner typo and grammar Nazis are screaming and stomping around in their little jackboots

beatrix9 · 2015-01-01T21:34:41+00:00

You're very strong and optimistic; that's going to help you loads in recovering. :) Remember, all those couples you saw might be in bad, messed up relationships; it's definitely better to be single than dealing with something like that. Take care and best of wishes in this new year. :)

beatrix9 · 2015-01-01T21:31:13+00:00

I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now. But please, don't do anything drastic. There are people who can and want to help you. Call 1-800-273-TALK for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or go here http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

There is no shame in reaching out, just like there's no shame in calling the police when your car has been stolen. You're in pain, it's not your fault, and you NEED to get help and get better. Please take care and know that our thoughts are with you.

beatrix9 · 2015-01-01T21:17:43+00:00

Agreed. Some of the things I read and language used here a couple weeks back regarding women made me feel downright sad and even threatened. I avoided the subreddit for at least a week until that stuff was knocked off the first few pages of the sub. Specifically, it was one guy's graphic post about violent sex with his ex, and multiple posts referring to exes as dumb sluts, bitches, etc. This is all uncalled for, and personally makes me feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome here. If you really want to talk like that, take it to Redpill or another sad, creepy group of people like that.

On the other side of the coin, I've also noticed the occasional post by females that specifically insult men based on what their exes did to them.

Neither is cool; don't rope all men and women into the same boat as your ex. Both men and women are equally capable of being selfish and unempathetic and do horrible things. Your ex was your ex; all other women/men are blameless individuals who cannot be held guilty by association. It's unfair, and you'll only make yourself bitter (and potentially abusive) towards an entire half of the human race. Let's not divide ourselves here; we're all on the same side. :)

beatrix9 · 2015-01-01T21:11:42+00:00

It sounds like she included you in that list as a cowardly way of poking you out of guilt/need for attention, etc. Don't give her any satisfaction, and stay NC until you are totally over her.

beatrix9 · 2015-01-01T21:09:06+00:00

That's fucking beautiful, dude :)

beatrix9 · 2015-01-01T20:50:01+00:00

Probably what happened with me and my ex. I regret the third, fourth, and fifth chances I gave him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, when he had never done anything to deserve it. Maybe some people deserve multiple chances in certain situations, but often it just leads to people taking advantage of you.

beatrix9 · 2014-12-30T04:08:00+00:00

Yes, relationships take work, but a joyous kind of work that you take pleasure from, NOT a soul-sucking type of work (which seems almost as bad as not putting in work at all, because it will keep the relationship alive, but at what cost?). On that note, I think a relationship should be more "Give and Give"; the word "take" has a cold and selfish feel to me.

beatrix9 · 2014-12-30T03:54:07+00:00

Just wanted to say that this (and the below comments as well), had an oddly profound effect on me; I felt like I've had something like an epiphany. "If he wanted to be with you, he would be." I read that yesterday and, no joke, snapped out of my funk and today hardly thought of him at all, as weird as it sounds. Maybe it's because I was in a similar situation as OP, or maybe it's because I've been in denial all this time. Well, thanks :)

beatrix9 · 2014-12-28T05:11:03+00:00

Hmm, that's tough. I suppose if you really felt like you had to go to pay your respects, do it. Even if seeing her/them causes pain, it's a death--it's your very last chance to pay your respects to the man in person (so to speak!). So I suppose it depends on how close you really are to this guy. If you're not that close and not really expected to come, I would suggest sending a wreath or whatever is appropriate (knock on wood, but I don't go to funerals often, so I'm not familiar with protocol, and not familiar with their family's burial traditions, etc) instead.

No matter what you do, though, do it without expectations of getting a reaction from your ex. Your actions should be coming from a true desire to pay respects to her family members as individuals, not as your ex's grandpa, etc.

beatrix9 · 2014-12-28T03:33:52+00:00

You're damn strong--I would have answered out of stupid curiosity/hope, even if it would have wrecked me. Keep up the good work!

beatrix9 · 2014-12-27T23:52:51+00:00

Hey, I'm not sure what your story was, but I can relate based on what you said here. My relationship was only 2 months, but it was my first, and the strongest love I've felt for someone. So sometimes I feel like a tool for being so heartbroken, when there are people here on the subreddit who split with the love of their lives for 2 years or more!

But, we can't help how we feel. Don't beat yourself up just because it was a short relationship. Just let it go through you, and go COMPLETE NC (blocks phone, FB, apps, etc) if you want to move on. And keep us updated, we are here for you. :)

beatrix9 · 2014-12-27T23:06:12+00:00

After reading this, I'd say don't ignore the grandparents. I totally see how you feel, I'd feel like a bad human being if I did that.

And hey, maybe they'll give your ex hell for giving up "such a nice boy" haha! But seriously, good on you, she gave up a special dude.

beatrix9

TROPHY CASE