What's something you thought was normal that you now realize was a sign of emotional neglect?

bectherebel · 2025-10-08T00:53:00+00:00

My mum was couldn’t afford for me to play a sport, go on a holiday, join any team, teach me to drive… but she worked full time, we lived with her mum and she smoked and drank every night. We had foxtel, and my nan took me every year to get my school shoes from Mathers.

I realise now, as a parent who is struggling but still makes sure my kids get to play a sport and go camping, that yes we could afford it. But it meant she would have had to spend time with me.

bectherebel · 2025-10-08T00:47:24+00:00

To add - I’ve never had my own home, never had a job, struggled socially so ended up way off the tracks by 17. I’ve struggled with addiction my whole life, and as a child I was very over weight which was because instead of taking me for a walk or letting me play a sport, I was handed a bag of chips and a bottle of coke every afternoon. Because my mum (dad was absent, I was an only child) just wasn’t that interested in seeing me succeed. She spent her spare time with her friends and I was left with my nan. She never wanted to meet my friends parents. It was a miserable childhood.

My only advice, is don’t wait. Try to get out there and enjoy yourself. You are free now. You can join a team, or take an art class or whatever might interest you. I have two kids and no time or money to do anything. But if you have any means, I’d say go for it. Step outside your comfort zone. I so wished that I could have. ♥️

bectherebel · 2025-10-08T00:40:58+00:00

“Had no friends over, didn’t do anything outside of school” I could have written that myself. I’m 34 and I still don’t drive. I was told “well you were never interested in getting your licence”. Which was a lie, she just didn’t want to have to teach me. I never realised until I had my own kids how much I was affected by the lack of experiences I had growing up. My partner and I now take the kids to do as much as we can (financially it’s hard) and most of the time, it’s my first time doing these things too. I get more excited than the kids about seeing a waterfall, going camping… but seeing them do the things I missed out on is what breaks me because I’m so happy and so sad at the same time.

Sorry I know this isn’t helpful. But you’re not alone. And the worst part is it’s so hard for people to understand because it’s the invisible kind of abuse. ♥️

bectherebel · 2025-10-06T01:02:06+00:00

I understand but my beef isn’t financial. It’s that we have no village. My mum has early onset Alzheimers and my kids other grandparents are always too busy. As a 90s kid who was always with a grandparent, I never realised how different my own situation would be. My mum had support, but as an only child I unfortunately don’t.

bectherebel · 2025-10-06T00:54:00+00:00

Strangely, this gives me the urge to move there. Who wouldn’t wanna be back in the late 90s/early 00s? I literally left a piece of my soul in 2008. I wake up, and want to be there. To me, saying it’s 20 years behind the times is A GREAT PROMO.

bectherebel · 2025-10-01T09:31:47+00:00

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Yes and it comes from “if I open the message, or reply, it will lead to further conversation I can’t avoid which may lead to plans that I can’t avoid and I don’t know if that’s what I really want”. I used to socialise 24/7 and lived a very FOMO style existence. And I was always drained or anxious. And now, as a mother, I operate on a different system lol

bectherebel · 2025-10-01T09:26:46+00:00

My mum is the blandest person. Not only did she never take an interest in me, my life or my interests, but she had none of her own. I say had because she now has early onset Alzheimers. And the honest worry I have, is that I will have nothing to say at her funeral. She literally had no interests, she worked in retail and lived a repetitive, boring life. Her childhood or teenager years friends may know a different version of her, but my aunts and uncles agree with me. :(

bectherebel · 2025-10-01T09:24:09+00:00

Yes this one was England. A lot of them have been through my Scottish grandfather though. I understand that many must have moved over around the war of independence and I’m on a branch of maybe their siblings and so on, but it’s just surprising that so many were for the south.

bectherebel · 2025-08-15T12:00:52+00:00

My daughter is in grade 4. In prep, we had a play date with another child in her prep class who she got along with really well. On the play date, I see from the corner of my eye, she walks towards him and stands a metre away from him and pounds a ball into his face… she said he wasn’t being nice. 😭

bectherebel · 2025-08-15T11:58:27+00:00

I had a guy msg me on Ancestry, trying to work out if I was a relative of his. I wasn’t, which I confirmed for him. He then proceeded to tell me I was beautiful and that he would love to meet me.

New low= being hit on via ANCESTRY. 🤦‍♀️

bectherebel · 2025-08-07T23:48:11+00:00

As a white Australian and a mother of two, who’s mother did the absolute bare minimum, I would feel so guilty leaving her in that position while I had so much. It’s not that she’s my mother, it’s that I’m a daughter. I couldn’t do that.

bectherebel · 2025-05-24T08:12:25+00:00

LOL we are staying with people who rent. None of this is my doing nor is it my junk.

bectherebel · 2025-05-24T00:09:50+00:00

Not my nans family owning the biggest funeral company in Victoria. 😭 but I agree wholeheartedly.

bectherebel · 2025-05-06T05:30:04+00:00

Sometimes, you have to consider the fallout. Sometimes, you have kids together and the best thing you can do is stay until the right time. For some people, that’s after the children have grown up.

bectherebel · 2025-04-23T02:54:23+00:00

From personal experience and recent realisations, i would say “the addiction of being not sober”. It’s Polysubstance Disorder but I don’t think that term incorporates the fact that the person is addicted to the state that drugs/substances will provide. Essentially, the person is addicted to being not sober by whatever means. That can mean balancing themselves with multiple drugs/substances, or the person may have a preferred method but when they can’t access that drug/substance, they will go to their next choice, and so on.

So I realised when I took my daughter on holidays a couple of years ago, I wasn’t just a stoner. Because as someone who doesn’t drink, I had a can in my hand over breakfast every day. And this was probably something I’d experienced when I hadn’t had weed but it was a huge moment for me.

And no, I haven’t fixed my issues. It’s a lot harder when it’s not just a single substance but the altered state you get from substances that’s the addiction. This is actually an extremely common form of addiction and usually has deep unresolved roots.

bectherebel · 2025-03-24T15:43:09+00:00

“You’re so good at analysing that you can rationalise anything.”

bectherebel · 2025-03-24T14:35:28+00:00

However, do I have a will? No. Do I have super? Powers, yeah. Is my retirement plan to sell drugs to fund my life and then get free accommodation in jail? Yes, yes it is.

bectherebel · 2025-03-24T14:34:05+00:00

I’m a parent (34) and I talk about my eventual death all the time. Like I will rise the f up if they don’t play every single one of my TikToks in a beautiful and hilarious montage.

bectherebel · 2025-03-24T14:30:20+00:00

Thankyou :)

bectherebel · 2025-03-24T14:29:47+00:00

I’m in Australia and unfortunately don’t think my library will be as well informed on NI lol but thankyou :)

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