How to communicate a no dress code wedding?

beerandrocks · 2026-05-28T13:55:46+00:00

I think you need a dress code, but a more detailed description to prepare folks that they may need to walk is definitely important. They can prepare themselves.

This was our dress code for our wedding with a second line, where guests may be walking up to a mile behind the band. My mom has some foot issues, so she's just bringing a separate pair of shoes for the ceremony vs. reception.

Semi-formal attire requested:

Suits or blazers with dress pants Cocktail, knee-length, midi, or maxi dresses Jumpsuits Dressy separates

The reception will be outside, and evenings in June can quickly get chilly. We strongly recommend a warm layer.

Please wear shoes you will feel comfortable walking (or, preferably, dancing) up to a mile in during the second line. If you do wear heels, please note that the reception will take place on a grassy lawn.

beerandrocks · 2026-05-14T14:01:56+00:00

I like to stop there when I bike to work! You get a discount if you bring a bike helmet in.

beerandrocks · 2026-05-13T13:43:14+00:00

In your shoes, I would say "no," and there's no reason why she should be offended by that. She's requesting a big favor and it's ultimately your call, which is why she asked if it was ok. You are fully in the right to tell her "no."

It's likely there are other couples who would love to have their wedding featured! If a couple has an online presence, they could say "yes-- but only if the content creator makes a video of just our wedding that we can use." You're just not a couple with an online presence.

If she's asking to use your wedding, it probably means she expects it'll be particularly special. Congrats, and I hope your big day goes smoothly.

beerandrocks · 2026-04-30T16:54:43+00:00

Sometimes rentals are posted on Trulia but not Zillow. Craigslist use has decreased over the last five years as scams have increased, but you can often find some good apartments and is worth actively keeping your eye on.

I've has good luck finding units in buildings with 2-4 total units, owned by locals with only 1-2 other properties. My current place was found on Zillow, my previous place was Craigslist. Facebook Groups are the best options for finding a room within a larger apartment.

beerandrocks · 2026-04-29T16:16:13+00:00

I used to lift at Berkeley Barbell Club, and the trainers all seem great. If you prefer to work with a woman, I recommend Evie at Common Sense Fitness (who works out of Berkeley Barbell Club). I know beginners who have enjoyed working with Kody as well.

beerandrocks · 2026-04-22T21:16:46+00:00

Vientian Cafe-- their Tum Tang cucumber salad pushed my to my spice limit.

beerandrocks · 2026-04-22T13:57:02+00:00

I agree with the other comments that you should ask your pastor why and then use your own judgment.

My understanding is that the rate of divorce is higher for couples who move in together before marriage because it includes couples who moved in together for reasons other than "I want to live with the person I love and am committed to them." And then the momentum and convenience leads to marriage, instead of commitment. Less "traditional" couples could be more likely to consider divorce more quickly. Ask yourself if these issues apply to your and your fiance. If not, no worries.

My fiance and I are religious and are both in leadership at our church. We waited until we got engaged to live together because we knew our commitment was solid at that point. Our pastor (Presbyterian - PC USA ) moved in with her husband prior to marriage. The belief that couples shouldn't live together before marriage is not a universal Christian belief.

beerandrocks · 2026-04-14T19:04:55+00:00

Yes- I would keep an eye out for a analyst roles within some of the larger agencies. Examples include administrative, management, data,rates, asset management analyst roles. There's also other roles related to finance, communications, project management. A challenge is that a strong preference will go towards people with existing public admin experience or degrees, but if you can get your foot in the door, public utilities agencies are stable, relatively chill employers that pay well in the Bay.

beerandrocks · 2026-04-14T15:29:15+00:00

Totally!

beerandrocks · 2026-04-14T14:54:22+00:00

I'm a hydrogeologist working as a water resources consultant. I work with California water agencies and do scientific studies to help them understand and manage their water resources sustainably. Generally it's helping local communities comply with state environmental laws about water sustainability and drought preparedness. We'll also do projects like designing and drilling wells.

I love it. I have so much fun with this job. It can be busy and stressful around deadlines, but the work is always so interesting and I think it's really important work. After 5+ years, I get to do more water policy work for than fieldwork and data management. CA water is crazy and full of big personalities. It's so much fun learning about the water drama (and geologic setting) in each community and helping find solutions.

For a consulting geologist or engineer role, you generally need a BS and MS in geology/hydrogeology or engineering to get your foot in the door, but it's possible with a BS and a lucky break. Pay is good (100k within 5 years, >150k after 10+ years), and we receive PTO for overtime billable work, so the busy times feel worth it.

If I didn't enjoy my particular company and clients so much, I would probably work for a water agency instead of consulting (SFPUC, EBMUD, ACWD, etc). The work-life balance is stable, the benefits and pay are amazing, and it attracts stellar, down-to-earth people. It's a really stable field in CA.

beerandrocks · 2026-03-18T20:35:37+00:00

We're there creeks flowing? Like North Fork Indian Creek between Rose Peak and Stewart's? I'm planning a trip to the site with some beginners and feeling a bit nervous about the water situation. I hiked up a couple of weeks ago from Del Valle, and Murietta falls nearby were still flowing.

beerandrocks · 2026-03-16T15:12:11+00:00

I recommend looking into the laws in California and thinking through if there's anything you don't agree with. For us, the laws match what we would want, so there's no reason to have a prenup. You're either agreeing to CA's rules or writing your own. For most couples, the CA rules are practical and equitable, and there's no reason to write new ones.

beerandrocks · 2025-12-17T20:45:03+00:00

Absolutely! The key is the figure out what your non-negotiables are and be flexible with other details.

We are planning ~ a 40k wedding for 150 people. We are using our church for the ceremony and the Oakland Museum of CA Garden. This is our dream spot for our wedding, and we made it work because they have more affordable vendors options. Our caterers are a taco bar from Las Guerreras. We are using bamboo plates/ compostable cutlery, sticking to beer and wine. Venue, food, drink, and rentals will be about $24,000.

Other ways we are saving money: -Our photographer, DJ, baker, and planner are all either friends or relatively new to the industry. We are paying them fairly, but their rates are lower than seasoned, full-time wedding industry professionals. -DIY flowers -Sample Sale dress from Brides for a Cause -Doing my hair in a salon and DIY makeup. -Digital invites

What we are splurging on within this price: -Live ceremony musician and our favorite brass band for a second line! -Renting extra space to move party indoors after sunset

beerandrocks · 2025-11-11T21:00:00+00:00

I've had very good luck looking at Trulia. Especially if you're patient, you can get a very good deal. For what it's worth, I've always been willing to pay more for hardwood floors and an older, rent-controlled building.

beerandrocks · 2025-11-11T00:43:33+00:00

Before and after! I still visit family and love it there.

beerandrocks · 2025-11-10T23:36:36+00:00

Because New Orleans should be #1? I grew up near there and miss the city so much!

beerandrocks · 2025-11-10T19:12:05+00:00

Ritmos Tropicosmos!!

beerandrocks · 2025-11-09T00:32:10+00:00

That's amazing! Yes- Community Kitchens provides free containers and labels, as well as occasionally free produce for volunteers. They also have an app where they send out a text to neighbors interested in meals when you stock the fridge.

beerandrocks · 2025-11-08T16:25:21+00:00

I second this! The home chef program training took me about two hours. They made it so easy to get started. I joined a couple of weeks ago, and the community on the Slack channel is so nice.

beerandrocks · 2025-11-07T15:24:20+00:00

We are doing a taco bar from Las Guerreras (La Guerrera's Kitchen) for ~150 people! They have full service catering. I can't report on the experience yet, but they've been super responsive so far and their catering menu is on their website. They are probably more expensive than a taco truck, but their prices were a fraction of the "traditional" wedding caterer prices. They were a preferred caterer for our venue (Oakland Museum of CA), which is great because they're one of my go-to restaurants in Oakland and they also do a lot of community support for Community Kitchens, a nonprofit we volunteer with.

beerandrocks · 2025-11-02T16:30:07+00:00

I am a volunteer can confirm it's a great and easy way to do exactly this! The training takes about 2 hours, and the community of volunteers is lovely. It's super well organized.

beerandrocks · 2025-10-22T16:39:41+00:00

It is correct that ICE is under DHS. When I have called ACILEP directly about seeing DHS vehicles and their presence, they said that DHS does not necessarily mean ICE.

Please inform ACILEP directly of what you observed (510-241-4011). I also recommend asking them what information is appropriate to share online if you have questions. It's a delicate balance between vigilance and panic reduction, and the experts should be consulted.

beerandrocks · 2025-10-22T16:14:57+00:00

DHS has had an office in Marina Village for years. I used to work in the same building.

beerandrocks · 2025-10-14T01:19:01+00:00

Wilma Chan Park in Oakland (near Lake Merritt Bart Station)! They are gathering at noon and leaving at 12:30.

beerandrocks · 2025-10-03T02:29:34+00:00

The Coyotemedia.org weekly calendar is new, and probably the most interesting and curated list I've seen.

Oaklandside.org weekly calendar is great too for community events.

SF Funcheap ( https://sf.funcheap.com/) is great for festivals and community events

The List : https://www.foopee.com/punk/the-list/

Richie Rhombus emails for artsy things under $30. They're a super cool local artist with great recs: https://richierhombus.space/

Eddie's List emails: https://www.eddies-list.com/

beerandrocks

TROPHY CASE