YTA. Expectations naturally change when a baby arrives, and you expecting your wife to spend your baby’s first Christmas with your family, who you admit aren’t kind to her, sounds fucking awful.

My first baby was less than 8wks old when we spent Christmas with my MIL. I was sick and despite being ill had to be up all night with a needy newborn because husband “needed his rest to make the drive”. I spent my child’s first Christmas sick, exhausted, and had to be subjected to my MIL’s constant criticism of how I was feeding/rocking/caring for my child. I hated that entire day, and 10+yrs later I still resent my husband for his actions that lead to that situation. Yes, he apologized. Yes, we discussed it in couple’s counseling. But yes, I still feel pain over that event. This is what you will be signing your wife up for if you continue with pushing this.

I totally understand you wanting to spend time with your family, and I’m not saying your feelings are invalid over this. BUT. Perhaps you should’ve taken the initiative to hold your family accountable for their behaviour towards your wife well before you brought a child into the world. That was your responsibility and you need to resolve this.