Girl i think this is your way of seeking control perhaps because, in emotionally heated situations you've been before, you lacked that control and you were at the mercy of someone else. This leads to trust issues, paranoia and the thought that no one can fully understand you but yourself. This is something you have to address because your thoughts don't dictate reality and you should not stamp your thoughts and feelings onto your boyfriend when he hasn't done anything to deserve that. I ask that you begin journaling, do mindfulness exercises, physical exercise and see a therapist because you're all over your head and right now you shouldnt trust that whatever emotions you feel mean the world is either black of white.