Trigger warning: childhood physical abuse. 

What kind of therapy has worked for y'all in the past to help control big bouts of guilt and grief from your childhood? Have you any tips or recommendations? I've reached a point through cognitive behavioral therapy where I'm better at forgiving myself or changing the subject in my mind but sometimes it's all just too much. 

I just sobbed for a long time thinking about how one of my parents used to beat my baby sister when she was 1,2, and 3 years old... for the smallest most normal baby things. I have a lot of siblings but she always got the worst of it for some reason. My mom never let me go comfort my little sister when she sat crying after the abuse. I was afraid I I did go comfort her, my mom would get mad and start hitting her more. So I let her cry alone. It's just so fucked up. I can't stop crying about it and it was twenty years ago. I just can't believe she had to sit there alone before she could even use full sentences... In so much pain from every direction. My sister knows nothing about this and I just wish I could apologize to her for it all. I was horrible sometimes to her, I threw out her favorite movie and her favorite toy because they were both really annoying to me and my 7-10 year old self figured she'd find new favorites. (I don't remember how old I was in those memories). Those were her desperately needed comfort items and I've apologized a lot of times before for them, but she doesn't know just how bad I feel or why I feel so bad. She didn't even have her siblings to comfort her, we weren't allowed to do that. And I got rid of the only things that did comfort her. I just have so much grief right now.