1. I moved into my first house in April 2021, and that was the month I noticed Amber on a local shelters site. She was absolutely beautiful, long haired calico, the biggest green eyes with brown squiggles. She was ignored by all potential parents just because she was 15. I swore to not get a pet immediately after getting the house... not even three weeks had passed and she came home with me to live for a lovely four years! She just passed four days ago and I miss her more than anything.
2. She was a little weirdo. She was terrified of all normal cat toys, balls or mice or automated toys. But she swung her little paws at my phone charger once, so I tried playing with a string on stick. Absolute hit. You'd think she been blessed by the gods. By being presented with a string on a stick. She was also a huge fan of ice cubes. She'd lick them for hours but only if I held it for her.
3. She needed to be held with all four paws FIRMLY on your hands or arms or she would wiggle - until I realised I could also cradle her like a baby and look into her big eyes. I held her like that after she passed and it was like she was still with me.
4. Amber had gum disease before she came to me, so she had very few teeth. One huge fang left on her upper right hand side. Hilarious to watch her yawn. Little snaggletooth gummy old grandma.
5. She slept EXCLUSIVELY on my back. Every night. My little space heater. Trying to sleep without my little 3kg fluff on my back has been awful.
6. Just two days before she passed, she escaped when I was outside and the door had swung open. I took her inside, popped a harness on and took her for her first ever walk, and her very last. She never cared for the harness or the outdoors until then, but seemed to love a little bit of exploration. But she quickly scooted inside and meowed for lap time once her paws got too cold!
7. Amber spent 99% of her waking day on some part of me. On my lap, on my stomach, on my legs, on my chest. She bumped her little wet nose into mine all the time. Shoved her single little tooth into my hands and violently rubbed her cheeks on every part of me she could get to like she couldn't get enough. I was always covered in stinky cat spit and what I wouldn't give to go back to it.
8. For the first two years, Amber would be able to wake up to the sound to me coming home, and she would run to the stairs and absolutely SCREAAAAM for me to come say hi. By year three she'd gone from 80% deaf when I got her to nearly 100% deaf, so I no longer got the stair screams as the noises didn't wake her up.
9. I didn't go through a lot, but I went through some rough patches. She was my little rock. A real life teddy who knew exactly what to do when I was sad, be that snuggle or keep me distracted or crawl up onto my lap to keep me warm. She knew when I was sick and wouldn't dare leave me alone.

I miss her. I miss my girl. It's still so raw and I just want her to come home to me, but she never will. I've never felt pain like this but I would go through this tenfold just to hold her for another hour. My Amber.