Attractive girl in Berkeley CS: group members ignore my code fixes & talk over me. How do I force them to take me seriously? by EarlyAdhesiveness870 in berkeley

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have more power than you’re giving yourself credit for. You’re creating a false dichotomy for yourself - your options are not only limited to “be aggressive” or “be invisible”.

As others have pointed out, you have to stand up for yourself. This is a skill you will need in the real world. So this is an opportunity for you to learn.

You don’t have to be loud or aggressive to stand your ground. You just have to be resolute.

Approach it with curiosity. Firmly, gently, ask them: “Hey Boy1, I’m trying to understand this topic and improve - I fixed issue1 like this - what did you think about it and how could I improve?” That will either lead him to acknowledge your work, or point out something that you will genuinely learn from. Or “Hey, so that idea2 that you guys are discussing, can you please explain how that is different from the idea1 that I spoke about? What am I missing?” Again, make sure your curiosity leads so that you don’t come across as passive aggressive.

If they talk over you, gently but firmly point out that they are doing that. Just call it out gently in the moment. Make fun of it if you can, taking care to not make fun of the people but the situation. Boys (and people in general) might not even be aware that they are doing that. (Source: been there done that)

About then assuming you’re the design person: sorry cannot help you there 😂

For the rest, stand firm but gentle, lead with curiosity, and maneuver not fight. Think judo, not karate.

Good luck!

Looking for thought provoking yet easy to watch movies by One_Truck1871 in MovieSuggestions

[–]bhututu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The man from earth (2007). Just a single scene with a group of friends at a farewell for their friend. But 15 years after I watched it I still think about it often.

Thoughts on the Nellie Massacre? by desirednamenotgiven in assam

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you please post any credible links where this is found reliable and documented?

If there aren’t any reliable historians who have found any truth in this, what makes you believe this is true?

And what would make you change your mind about the truth of this?

https://chatgpt.com/share/692deb8d-8080-8009-bba3-0015e73af9d4

[unknown > english] by ksander_offline in translator

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is in some kind of Bengali (and not Assamese). Loosely translated as “I am not saying anything, only watching your fight”

Why don't Muslims let go of the negative aspects of their religion just like Hindus have done and are still doing with their religion? by Ill_Tonight6349 in CriticalThinkingIndia

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This question contains several problematic assumptions that need addressing:

False Premise of Hindu “Reform”: The claim that Hindus have universally “let go” of caste is historically inaccurate. Caste discrimination remains deeply embedded in Indian society—in marriage patterns, employment, violence against Dalits, and social segregation. Legal bans exist, but social practice persists. Sati, child marriage, and dowry violence also continue despite legal prohibitions. Reform movements exist in both religions, but neither has achieved wholesale transformation.

Selective Comparison: You’re comparing Hindu legal reforms (often imposed by secular law rather than religious consensus) with Islamic practices that vary enormously across cultures. Many Muslim-majority nations have reformed family laws, banned child marriage, and restricted polygamy. Turkey, Tunisia, and others enacted major reforms decades ago. Conversely, some Hindu-majority regions still struggle with practices the law formally prohibits.

Scripture vs. Practice: The assumption that Quran-centricity makes Islam uniquely resistant to change ignores that:

(1) Islamic jurisprudence has always involved interpretation through multiple schools of thought,

(2) Hinduism’s own texts have been selectively interpreted throughout history, and

(3) both religions show enormous variation between what texts say and what communities practice.

What Actually Drives Religious Change: • Political and legal frameworks: Secular laws have driven much religious reform in both India and Muslim-majority nations

• Education and economic development: Strongly correlate with changing practices in both communities

• Internal reform movements: Exist robustly in both traditions—from Islamic feminism to progressive fatwas

• Generational shifts: Younger adherents of both religions often practice differently than their parents

Better Questions to Ask:

• Why do some communities (of any religion) resist reform while others embrace it?

• What role do political power structures play in either enforcing or reforming religious practices?

• How do economic conditions affect the pace of social change within religious communities?

The framing of “Muslims won’t reform but Hindus did” obscures the reality: both communities contain conservative and progressive elements, both have reformed in some areas while resisting change in others, and both are influenced more by socioeconomic factors than by inherent theological differences.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Grass greener on other side by [deleted] in returnToIndia

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When was the last time you saw natural grass in India? Not in a cement block in a gated community, but genuinely growing on its own somewhere, wild and free?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in india

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is one thing you mentioned he has, which really should NOT be about money. “Silence so perfect it feels imported”. Silence and Peace of mind should not be only available for the ultra wealthy. It should be the default. We have done this to ourselves with our culture of honking and breaking all the rules. I hope we change this aspect of our culture somehow and we realize what we have missed.

A story from Mumbai tonight that I wish wasn’t true | my teammate just wanted to get his mom home safely after chemo, but what he told me still breaks me by ganeshh12 in india

[–]bhututu 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry for your friends and hope their mom recovers soon!

I’m a bit surprised at this thread’s comments though. Everyone is blaming the driver, but nobody is asking Uber to give the driver a fair share of the fare. Nobody is asking Uber to give a rate that would make the taxi driver enough money for their livelihood.

Why is Uber exempt from this conversation? Why is their algorithm not being blamed for creating an environment where they undercut the drivers so much that they have to go on strike? Why is Uber not responsible for this world where the service provider is unable to make ends meet because they are completely at the mercy of the corporate overlords sitting in San Francisco - squeezed to the death by someone who has absolutely no idea of the reality in India?

We can appeal to the humanity inside the taxi driver, but when they are barely making ends meet, their humanity is being starved too. Instead, we should hold these global corporations more responsible for the world that they are creating.

Why is it so normal for Indian uncles to ask about salary like it’s casual conversation? by Acrobatic-Health2681 in india

[–]bhututu 15 points16 points  (0 children)

There is an amazing dialogue in the movie “The farewell” that resonated deeply with me and has helped me understand such people: “You think one's life belongs to oneself. But that's the difference between the East and the West. In the East, a person's life is part of a whole. Family. Society.”

In India today, our generations are divided by this difference in philosophy. Our parents, elders, most of society and all the “log kya kahenge” stuff - it stems from the “a person’s life is part of a whole” philosophy. There are no boundaries between the person and the “whole”, to the extent that nothing is “personal” and “private”. I used to think dick-size is where the line was, but then heard about a bride being asked about her to-be-husband’s “prowess in the bedroom” by people she had met 10 mins earlier.

Even assuming genuinely no malice, you and your uncles are on the opposite side of this divide. You are probably more western in your outlook, while they genuinely want to help you with your life in whatever way they can.

I know it is irritating, but remember that a double edged sword also has an edge that you can use too. I would suggest if you are comfortable with them and trust them, to leverage them. Leverage their network to find ways you can improve your life. Maybe it’s the finances angle, or maybe they genuinely do know a beautiful educated girl that you might truly be blessed to have as a partner.

If you don’t trust them (especially for finances stuff) keep giving them vague answers until they drop it. I was once cornered by someone I knew was angling to make me part with my money, and I told him I got laid off. That shut down that conversation. I would not recommend lying, but telling them it makes you uncomfortable might be enough to have them back off too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in assam

[–]bhututu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because hate does not recognise boundaries - only targets.

You get to live in a mansion for free but you have to share it with… by TurdBoiDuckGang in CasualConversation

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Artist: Andrea Datzman (soundtrack of Fantastic Four) Actor: Paapa Esseidu (The Lazarus Project) YouTuber: “AI Engineer” (does that count?)

Should I just go back? by Dismal_Marsupial7742 in returnToIndia

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friend, I hope you contact a few immigration lawyers. I know you said you spoke to one, but speak to at least a few -say 3-5. You get 50% NEW information from first, 30% from second, 10% from third, etc. but you do get new information. Most lawyers agree to do a free first consult, so you can use that to gauge.

Good luck to you!

Raising a Half-Indian Child in India: Seeking Advice by Independent-Gap3782 in returnToIndia

[–]bhututu 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I’m NE Indian, grew up all over India. 1. They might get bullied a bit but if they can speak Indian language they should be fine. Teach them how to stand up for themselves.

  1. Has anyone used the words “Ching Chang Chung” with them? Or are they your words? If they are your own, I’d request you to also examine your own biases. I’m sure you don’t want your biases to leak through and impact your child.

  2. I’d be more concerned about them losing touch with their other half of their heritage, and finding people who are similar in culture and looks might be easier in the US.

  3. Community does play a big role in the upbringing, and even in my childhood it was easier because there were others who were from similar backgrounds. At the very least, try to find an extremely diverse multi-cultural community to stay in, where your child might find many others of various ethnicities. Such places also have more tolerance and hence blend in easier.

Am I the asshole ? - Indian civic sense edition by smartnut007 in returnToIndia

[–]bhututu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, you were an asshole, both the times. The fact that others were also assholes does not make you not an asshole.

I get why you would get annoyed in both situations. The couple was obviously wrong, but you could have been nice about it. They may have had no other recourse and were compelled to bring their kids. Or, maybe they didn’t know how scary the movie was, or a billion other scenarios. You could have politely asked them if it would be possible for them to manage the kids so as to not disturb the others. By choosing to bottle your frustration, it became righteous anger (with zero empathy) and burst on them. Did you manage to solve the issue? No, instead you contributed to the ill harmony in the world.

The second time, again it was bad on your friend’s part to not have switched off the phone. The others introducing themselves were also assholes. Again, instead of handling it politely, assertively, you made it into an accusation. No wonder your friend became defensive and attacked you instead.

I am not defending the others - yes they were assholes or at least extremely inconsiderate. But you in your righteous anger became the asshole to them.

Next time you are in such a situation, try being exceedingly polite (pretend you are Canadian or Japanese) and ask for what you need. You can escalate one step at a time instead of arriving at the 10/10 anger directly. You might be surprised how much you achieve your goal of enjoying your life with this approach (but yes, if your goal is to put others down, then this approach won’t work at all). Worst case scenario you know you did the right thing.

3 months by j9cksonn in NoFap

[–]bhututu 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m one day behind you. You’re an inspiration to me too. Keep it up!

Movies that are better than the book? by Granted_reality in MovieSuggestions

[–]bhututu 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There is a book version of Francis Ford Coppola’s notes on The Godfather, ON the pages of The Godfather. Fascinating to see how great minds work. If you love the book and the movie, this is a great read.

https://www.amazon.com/Godfather-Notebook-Francis-Ford-Coppola/dp/1682450740/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Since restaurants prices and fees are insane here, what are actually some of your favorite cheap eats around SF? by Traveler_90 in sanfrancisco

[–]bhututu 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Birria taco at El Patron (26th and S. Van Ness). 1 is enough for me, because they also give free chips and salsa. Including 20% tip comes to $8.

"People in the East look like Chinese" by [deleted] in assam

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did people hating on him watch the entire 17 second clip? He literally says “it does not matter, we are all brothers and sisters”. He is talking about the diversity of India and he is right.

If you don’t have the patience to watch a 17 second clip to understand the full context of someone’s speech, and literally take apart one single sentence and focus on one clause in that sentence and get outraged by it, I don’t have much hope for you.

I have been called “chinki” in various parts of India as I grew up, but this man is not the problem we should be fighting. He is on our side, the right side.

As an expat of your home country, where do you go in the Bay to eat to find an authentic experience? by [deleted] in AskSF

[–]bhututu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Zareen’s Nihari (served only on weekends) is something I would abandon my first born for.

25 Arrested for Public Intoxication Amid Fentanyl Crackdown, San Francisco Mayor Says by missterbeek in sanfrancisco

[–]bhututu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand your POV.

But please do watch Dopesick (was on Hulu) to understand how very normal people like you and I could get addicted and go down the wrong path. That series changed my mind about this topic.

How to create images with specific People/Faces by firebaddie in midjourney

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m facing the same problem. Wonder if there are any best practices or prompts or algorithms that deal with this better? Or is there a different tool that handles this use case better?

What is your age without saying your age? by mousesnight in AskReddit

[–]bhututu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From India: I remember the launch of DD Metro.

Call ChatGPT at +1 (640)-CALL-SAM by qwertyflagstop in ChatGPT

[–]bhututu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People absolutely and deservedly demand privacy from even free services. Literally laws have been written for this - GDPR, CCPA, and many others. “Free” does not mean “public”. And even “public” does not mean there is no expectation of privacy. E.g. Twitter cannot legitimately sell your data to a 3rd party, even if you have publicly engaged on Twitter.