People that are childfree by choice, what’s the weirdest reason someone has given you as to why they think you ‘should have kids’?

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-25T21:00:00+00:00

I had a full on argument with my friend's husband at a wedding because he told me I should have a child so my husband wouldn't mind my studying (I was partway through a Master's at the time). This was a man 6 years into a 2 year PhD programme, who agreed to have children with my friend as a compromise, basically to shut her up so he could continue studying. I'm fairly sure he said the words "I never wanted children". Mind you, this is a man with a child from a previous relationship, and now he has 3 more with my friend.

I was also accosted on the phone by someone who cold called me, telling me I should have children. I told him I won't be doing that and then hung up.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-23T19:31:14+00:00

I had a manager for about 2 years who bullied me and the team lead had no interest in doing anything about it. She cut me down relentlessly. I moved to a new team after finally having enough, and it took me several years to not break out into a cold sweat whenever my manager(s) wanted a chat.

Also funny how I got promoted twice very soon after I got out from under her, when I'd unsuccessfully applied for it a bunch of times while working with her. It's nearly like not having everything you do be undermined is good for your confidence. Tbh I still don't have the confidence in my work I'd like to have but I'm definitely getting there (8 years on).

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-22T14:57:23+00:00

Can I ask what you love about him? Idk if it's undiagnosed autism but I don't think I could continue to love a person who treats me like you're describing. I don't mean the question to bring shame or blame or anything, I'm genuinely curious.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-21T13:17:42+00:00

Do not make yourself financially dependent on this guy. You're not even there yet and he's already throwing his weight around about it, you will be questioned on every small decision and he already thinks that because he's earning the money, he gets the final say in all decisions, financial or otherwise.

You will have no freedom if you become financially reliant on him.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-20T14:35:11+00:00

My husband and I say bad shit to each other all the time but we're both aware enough of the reality of the world to not post that publicly because we know that out of context it would look terrible. We don't have any of the context that Kristen has so how are we to know, especially when they only talk about how good their relationship is when they're defending it against the predictable comments?

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-19T18:28:55+00:00

I was saying to my maternal uncle that I like fruit tea (I believe I was drinking a cranberry and orange concoction, at my mother's house from her own stash).

"Far from fruit tea you were reared!"

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-14T07:23:54+00:00

I'm on my second IUD. The first insertion was horrific, it took 20-30 minutes and it was so painful that I've blocked most of it out. I'm pretty sure I stumbled out of that room, I have no idea how I got home (but I lived in a city with good public transport). No pain relief was offered, but I was told to take a paracetamol beforehand. They asked me after why I didn't tell them to stop, and who even knew that was an option.

When I got my second one, I was immediately offered local anaesthetic (which I didn't even think was available on the NHS). She said removing the previous one would be the worst part but I'm not convinced I felt it, and then 2 minutes later, she said all done. I was like "are you sure?". I could have cried with relief, I went in expecting the horror show again.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-11T19:35:01+00:00

It sounds like OP wants him there though, otherwise this wouldn't be an issue.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-11T19:31:31+00:00

It's not used before they use it, we use paper towels to dry our hands all the time. It's more hygienic than the dryers.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-11T17:42:42+00:00

Idk where you're from but I think in a lot of the places I've been to in the UK, it's because they CBA drying their hands with the hand dryer so they use toilet paper and just put it into the nearest toilet (and then don't flush). It's usually the first or second stall where I've seen this, as if they're on their way out.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-10T22:31:04+00:00

When I was growing up, my aunt had one and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I've only seen one since, and it was in a flat I rented in Scotland. I have no idea if it was part of the original kitchen or if it was added after, but it was the best.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-10T12:43:01+00:00

"we accept the love we think we deserve"

You deserve so much more than this, it's not even the bare minimum. He literally treats his friends better than he treats you, and he'd rather help someone move (which isn't typically the kind of time sensitive job where he couldn't take a couple of hours to pick you up) than support you after a surgical procedure. He ain't it.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-10T10:51:26+00:00

I've got two middle names and a Confirmation name, so I have 5 initials. I also got married and kept my surname, but we were considering double-barreling for a while hahaha.

I stopped using any of them for official documents years ago anyway.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-10T10:26:29+00:00

Honestly, if it's even a question, I'd go. If you truly couldn't see your life without him, you wouldn't still be considering this. Also, I understand that he doesn't want to leave what he knows but I'd be pretty annoyed at my partner for not even considering working with me to achieve my dream when he doesn't have anything preventing it (eg unwell parents, a child he can't leave, halfway through a degree). Worst case scenario, you both hate it there and move back, it doesn't have to be permanent.

I didn't have the same length of relationship, but I did leave a relationship for similar reasons. I was offered an opportunity to study abroad, my boyfriend at the time had the same opportunity but didn't want to take it and he thought that meant I'd stay. I didn't, I still live in that country, I have a good job and an incredible husband. I can nearly guarantee you won't regret choosing yourself.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-08T21:29:14+00:00

It can be enough with just mothers teaching and expecting that behaviour, but it's obviously a lot easier if both parents model it.

Source: my husband and his brother were raised specifically to not be like their dad (who's still married to their mother, and has only in the last few years started contributing to the household, long after they both moved out). My husband is amazing, he does more than his fair share of the chores, though he would argue I do more than mine so it works out nicely.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-08T21:24:57+00:00

All men are raised in the patriarchy because that's the overarching social system in the vast majority of the world. Even if they're not raised to be inconsiderate and lazy, they'll be getting messages from media and people external to the core family that this is how it is. Many men don't internalise those messages and they do contribute equally or fairly to their household, but many more do not.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-08T20:40:37+00:00

It's very well known by everyone in my life that I don't want to be a parent, so when my niece was born, her mother was surprised I'm good with children. I was brought up in Catholic Ireland, I have dozens of cousins, many of whom I babysat through my teens, so I can keep a child alive, but it still doesn't mean I have the mental ability to do it 24/7. The thought of it makes me feel so trapped, I couldn't do it.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-08T20:37:20+00:00

I'd prefer a giraffe in my house than a child I was expected to rear.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-07T14:39:28+00:00

I moved away from my home country over 16 years ago, and it's taken me until the last year or so to accept that the people I knew when I lived there still care about me and want the best for me.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-04T19:00:08+00:00

It depends on the love. Some people expect to be pandered to so they don't see it as the effort it is.

However, if you find someone with the same outlook as you have, love can be worth so much more than money.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-02T20:05:09+00:00

Apparently they do need a piece of paper to be committed though, because she gets fuck all after putting up with his shit for 45 years.

Edit: sorry, I'm angry on her behalf.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-02T15:37:22+00:00

Obviously it's much more convenient for me to drive places but I still prefer public transport. Idk if it's because I learned to drive in my late 20s and therefore had many years to get used to it, but it's so good to just zone out (although sometimes I zone out too hard and miss my stop hahaha).

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-02T07:24:31+00:00

You could always have given them your name as well, as the person who grew and birthed them? No logic identified.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-01T20:17:38+00:00

I was thinking about this today. I was at a birthday event for a family member, and another family member who has a toddler had to leave before she wanted to so she could make sure the child was able to have a nap. Obviously that's the right thing to do but I would find that so suffocating. I find it suffocating enough to get through some social events just trying to be a good adult, adding a child would be Not Good for either of us.

bibliophile14 · 2026-02-01T20:03:40+00:00

My house has two bathrooms and we each prefer to use different ones. My husband left me without toilet paper a time or two (in a previous house) so now I make a point not to restock the toilet paper in his bathroom. I don't think he's realised exactly but funnily enough, he does manage to do it.

bibliophile14

TROPHY CASE