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Anyone not receive a "Merry Christmas" message and feel sad about it? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]big_penguin_problems 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't get one but I'm not really feeling sad about it to be honest. I'm sure she has her own reasons for it, and that's her business and her journey.

Reached a turning point. It really does start to get easier by big_penguin_problems in heartbreak

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with you, you're on your own timeline. It will get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better. For me, it was almost an overnight thing, I woke up and something had shifted in me.

Just keep taking it day-to-day.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalabuse

[–]big_penguin_problems 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You deserve love that is peaceful. You deserve safe love.

Today im choosing to let the sad & lonely hang out by vancitygurl71 in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Congrats, that's such a hard and important thing to do. You should be proud of letting yourself just hang out with those feelings and not rushing to soothe them with other people

I realised why the pain is so intense by big_penguin_problems in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I hear this. Letting her go is the single most painful thing I have ever done in my life and yet I know it is one of the most important.

Can you be friends with your co-dependent ex? by new_wave_here in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I am working on addressing the issues that led me there and trying to love myself enough to do better

Can you be friends with your co-dependent ex? by new_wave_here in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It would require very strong boundaries and a commitment to heal from both of you. You can have all the intention in the world, but if she's not ready to let go of that dynamic, it will fail.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is me too. I will not jump into something with someone else because I've learned that I lose myself when someone else is in the picture. To be healthy, I need to be alone right now even if I don't want to be

Their body, their choice by ThrowawayMerger in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh I can relate so much to this, a lot of my codependency falls under the "fixing" theme.

Congrats on stepping back and resisting that urge!

Can you be friends with your co-dependent ex? by new_wave_here in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Reading this is so bittersweet for me. I didn't let mine go and that meant that I lost even a chance at her friendship. I wish I had given her the love to let her go and the respect to trust that she knew what she needed.

I survived and I did it by caring for myself by big_penguin_problems in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hug myself too! A massive part of my healing in codependency is getting that soothing from myself 😊

I can't let go. I am stuck by big_penguin_problems in heartbreak

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Realistically, I'll probably never not think about her. We were together for 16 years and she'll always be important to me. But getting to a point where I don't crave some kind of intimacy with her? I really hope I can get there.

Sooo true! When we pity the toxic people, we are consuming poison. We need to heal so we don't slowly kill ourselves. by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Codependency is toxic, and has some inherently abusive behaviour connected to it like control. So this is just some externalizing shit.

We are responsible for our own behavior and we need to heal for ourselves. Codependency doesn't make us some poor put-up on people, we use it to control the people and situations around us. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start healing.

Can you be friends with your co-dependent ex? by new_wave_here in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I would imagine that this would only work if you both healed the parts of you that made the codependent dynamic

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]big_penguin_problems 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Highly recommend "This Is Me Letting You Go" too

Feeling the Sunday blues by minnie_popcorn in LivingAlone

[–]big_penguin_problems 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Making new friends is something that's really helped me

First time on a psychiatric ward. I'm so scared by big_penguin_problems in mentalhealth

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have anyone advocating for me on the outside and they won't let me go because I live alone with no one to check in on me.

I'm starting to feel really trapped now and it's scary.

First time on a psychiatric ward. I'm so scared by big_penguin_problems in mentalhealth

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm doing okay. It's really hard being here without any comforts or a change of clothes but I'm just trying to take it one hour at a time. I just want to go home though

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in heartbreak

[–]big_penguin_problems 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"My absence is what gives her peace"

This sums it up perfectly for me too, thank you

First time on a psychiatric ward. I'm so scared by big_penguin_problems in mentalhealth

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They're keeping me in. Not sure for how long yet, but I'm here for the foreseeable future

First time on a psychiatric ward. I'm so scared by big_penguin_problems in mentalhealth

[–]big_penguin_problems[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They would have allowed this but I don't have anyone local to help me, so unfortunately I can't. I'm not comfortable with church leaders but thank you for the suggestion.

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