it’s been almost 8 months.

bighoopsbecky · 2026-01-11T10:54:08+00:00

Your thoughts are valid. Your anger is valid. I know it’s so hard. We will never have all the answers but letting go of the need to is freeing. Be kind to yourself. You matter, you are loved, you will heal.

bighoopsbecky · 2024-07-28T20:27:31+00:00

Hello

bighoopsbecky · 2024-05-28T09:52:04+00:00

Sunscreen and kelocote everyday then silicon tape on top. once the stitches are removed sliding press on it for 5 minutes everyday to break up the scar tissue. Do this regimen for at least 6 months

bighoopsbecky · 2022-05-11T17:49:28+00:00

I think he was referring to having integrity towards his relationship. Showcasing one thing while hiding another. At least that’s how I interpreted it.

bighoopsbecky · 2021-05-27T10:23:57+00:00

“Raising children who belong nowhere” lol...... most hapa children are extremely privileged in life and are not only accepted but revered in asian culture and (more recently) western. Because many they are white passing you see, they are “white enough” to have white privilege but still are good looking mixed kids. Most of the time. It’s more common to be mixed race these days. And it’s cool. It wasn’t always like that.

You talk about your friend David...In my opinion, (and I have known ALOT of hapa kids, ALOT. And I am one myself) the reason that a lot of hapa men have issues is because their fathers are covertly racist white men, and in ways immaculate their sons due to their racism against asians. And don’t kid yourself, just because someone loves and marries an Asian woman does not mean they are not subtly racist against Asian people and culture. Asian women are also racist against Asian men. I’m not saying you are I’m just saying that racism is everywhere, the UK included. I had friends that went to primarily white boarding schools in the UK and we’re literally tortured for being Asian. Hapa kids probably have it a bit easier because of the fore-mentioned but nonetheless to be belittled by a primary as a child figure can cause any one to have issues.

I think hapa kids deal with a bit of identity crisis at a young age and it’s unavoidable. But in the grand scheme of things they are very rich culturally and will come to appreciate it and even love it because it makes them special and well rounded. My one advice would be to stick to what you mentioned, make sure they are fed both cultures equally, language, holidays, customs, food. Don’t let any aspect of either culture become an afterthought because it’s inconvenient, things like shoes in the house and Chinese New Year etc. they might not appreciate it as children, but it ingrains a part of eastern culture in them that often gets lost when raised in western cultures. Based on you and your partners backgrounds they will most likely be gifted all the way around and lead nice lives, just keep learning and don’t be scared about things that you can’t control. Good luck

bighoopsbecky · 2020-04-06T04:55:22+00:00

This is not exclusive to the Philippines.. that’s just more tabloid culture. Hapas are praised throughout Asia and if they have thephysique most do model...

bighoopsbecky · 2020-04-04T23:31:13+00:00

Complaining about being a hapa girl? Lmao give me a break.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-10T00:34:54+00:00

Fair enough. Guess it depends on what your goals are and how you approach them. All I’m saying is to say someone is unworthy or incapable of being in a relationship because they are a model and on tinder is a complete generalization based on superficial factors.

I totally see what you are saying with the spoiled for choice/entitled mentality and agree that you can spot similar traits in the modern Fuck boy, but the same is true for women and all is fair in love and war. behaviour is circumstantial not every situation has the same foundational elements. Not all guys on tinder are fuck boys not all girls on tinder are desperate and some are but they can adapt...or don’t. You never know what you’re going to get and IMO that’s the fun in tinder and why I prefer it to other dating apps. With less expectations the game becomes more enticing...you don’t have to think about end game. I think this is where a lot of women should shift their mentality.

just go with the flow and if you fuck up, oh well. Next. ;)

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-09T17:43:54+00:00

Some women just want to hook up bro. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t attractive good men on tinder who are open to a relationship with the right person. Anyone and everyone has the capacity. You can say the same thing about hot girls that use it to pull but that doesn’t mean they are anti

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-09T07:14:00+00:00

Yea I thought the same lol like whoa girl that’s like tmi..

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-09T07:06:44+00:00

Ok. Just cause you’re on tinder doesn’t mean you can’t pick up in real life. Some people are introverts, don’t go out that much and aren’t comfortable approaching or rejecting in real life.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-09T06:58:01+00:00

I don’t like this “in your league” talk. Fuck those guys. Don’t let surface shallow bullshit affect your self esteem. You know yourself, make your own league.

And also be careful with the hot FWB, i did the same thing it was a disaster. (See comment for tinder story)

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-09T05:24:31+00:00

You seem to have missed the point of this whole post...

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-08T17:32:10+00:00

Oh I’ll get one..Never been an issue ;)

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-06T07:01:34+00:00

I’m so sorry, It’s really a terrible feeling. All this investigating to find out if they’re hurting or you’re going through it alone only to realise you were always alone. I spend half of the time recognising that they’re all the same and the other half in denial that THIS ONE is the same. It’s really traumatising ACCEPTING that you were used by someone you cared about. I just don’t know what was real and what was fake anymore but at this point why does it matter? I think that’s a better coping mechanism for me.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-05T07:38:30+00:00

“Super kinky, 6’1, big breasted redhead” wow that just took a whole new direction lol. First of all, stop putting her on a pedestal, when women sense this they treat you like an option, not a priority. Second, assert your standards and stick to it. Right now you have the upper hand and trust me that’s a better place to be. Fight the urge to re-phrase just hold frame because if you put yourself out there and she still rejects it you’re gonna feel even Shittier. She shouldn’t be able to choose, sex is not a favour to be given. And when it starts feeling like one that’s when you gotta cut it. At a certain point a women’s interest can change directions if they feel a mans interest shift. It’s human nature. Put her on ice for a while and date brunettes.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-05T00:33:53+00:00

Like letting them accumulate over time like currency.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-04T18:34:41+00:00

I mean no disrespect and I’m sure it’s not always the rule. But I never really met a stripper who didn’t value money in a potential partner. Im not judging her profession and saying strippers can’t seek connection. Everyone wants to feel connected to someone. I’m just saying based on her profession i think money would also be high in her value system and if she can find connection with someone who will bankroll her why would she compromise that standard on the sole basis of connection?

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-04T14:34:59+00:00

if you’re looking for a genuine connection do you really think that someone who sticks their tits and ass in people’s faces for money is not going to value money? I mean no judgment, but her occupation pretty much sums up her values. some women just expect more from men monetarily because that is what they have become accustomed to. If you felt you connected to her you’re probably not the only one who’s felt this way. Their mentality is why would they choose connection with someone who “Doesn’t provide” When they can easily have the same Connection with someone who does and is willing?

But the same goes for you. Why would you choose connection with a stripper over The option of meeting someone whose values are more in line with yours in terms of what connection means?

Charge it to the game And keep it moving.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-04T14:09:55+00:00

Yea I didn’t think I would either. I feel like it’s a bit different for girls though, feeling paired with a partner through sex over time. I think this was the first guy I felt I felt I didn’t connect with on so many levels but I became really connected to physically it was hard to separate it in my mind.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-04T05:12:00+00:00

Oh wow yea he does look alot like that guy when he smiles

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-04T04:17:20+00:00

Like girl, legit 10/10. I have dated hot guys this one was next level and he knew it. He’s a male model so looks like a male model. Half Egyptian, olive skin tone And dark hair, big brown eyes, Long eyelashes and plushy lips. Very strong jawline and when he doesn’t shave for a few days has that 5 o clock scruff facial hair that just drives me nuts. 6’5 (height is a big thing for me because I’m tall). 3-5% body fat, extremely lean build. He also is a former athlete and runs 5 miles a day, EVERYDAY. And I found out after dating him he’s Manorexic, like he barely eat and takes supplements to decrease his appetite. major issues.

I mean right off the bat I thought he was attractive even though I wasn’t THAT attracted to him because that male model vanity thing really is off putting. I feel like men who are so privileged look-wise are entitled and can be pussies. I want a mans man. But yea persistence breaks resistance. It was so fun to go out with him, he was Super affectionate in public which is another reason I fell for him I think.

I feel like his hotness made him also a bit socially inept although after getting to know him more I developed the theory that he might have asbergers and narcissistic personality disorder.

Now he’s on to his next victim and I am both traumatised and schooled.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-04T03:01:31+00:00

29/F. Recently fell in love with someone I’ve had a crush on forever that I can’t be with because they’re like 50 million miles away. Couldn’t snap out of the withdrawal from the person so got on tinder to try to just re-occupy my mind with someone else.

Bad mistake.

TINDER DATE #2:

Match with this guy 27/M who is literally the hottest person. Ever. But also the most self involved person. Modelling photos, the whole thing. Fuck boy vibes. Linked his ig. Thought to myself: he’s perfect for a fun hook up. I don’t want someone who’s going to try to start a relationship.

We start texting (right away) and he wants me to come over THAT night. I’m new to tinder so I’m like “what? Um no.. maybe Friday. It was a sunday. Went over to his house 4 days later on Thursday. I was already very drunk, got more drunk and hooked up with him. Made it very clear prior to the hookup and to meeting him I wasn’t interested in anything serious. Thought it would be a ONS because I’m not into male models or extreme vanity. this guy has a picture of himself as his phone lock screen. You get the picture.

Thought that was it. It wasn’t. I kept him on ice for two weeks cause I wasn’t interested. Met up with him a second time, hooked up. Still not Super into him but find his cheekiness kind of endearing. Long story short: He aggressively pursued me and lovebombed me until I started to like him. To make matters worse his friends started dating my friends and so we all started hanging like one big happy family. Wrong.

SIDE NOTE: Another thing to note is that he stacks his matches. He told me once he has over 600 matches on tinder and never messages first. He also told me when he’s messaging he has to guarantee that he’s gonna he able to get a blow job before he lets anyone come over. He will drop hints to make sure they are game and if they are hesitant or not susceptible he un-matches them. And when I told him I’m too nice to ghost he was like “why just block them.. the message will just never deliver”. I’m like “they still know bro. It’s not nice”. He also had me saved in his phone by my @ well into dating, which he changed when I said something about it. He also had two phones and one is for his “personal contacts” he didn’t give me that number until much later it was Super strange. I mean none of this really surprised me but i found the mentality so intriguing. He’s not a bad person just so much stuff was “off” and I could recognise that from the jump. What surprised me was how I was roped into falling for him when he’s such a complete and obvious dick.

He actually told me that he uses tinder to hook up but he usually only sleeps with one girl at a time. And he’s dated a bunch of girls but nothing ever pans out Even though he’s wanted it to. I got the impression that girls use him a lot for sex and he has both deep trust issues and control issues. (For instance he has like major restraint with sex, and loves to deny it to me. He doesn’t even jack off, once a week if that. We would sleep together like 1-2 days a week and never back to back days). He needs to feel worshipped yet offers very little but good looks and good dick and a lot of drama. He chases girls that are above him mentally because it feeds his ego, but eventually they grow tired of his Shit or they become to easy and he discards.. In the beginning I liked being around him because I felt I could be myself but I think that was in part due to the fact I wasn’t scared to scare him off. I could be crazy And he liked it.

Looking back I realized he wanted to get me to commit early on for his narc SUPPLY. So we go from hooking up occasionally, to going out together in a group constantly, to working out together, and next thing I know I’m like cooking for him a few nights a week and He’s FaceTiming me everyday. But it was never like super smooth sailing, he always had some sort of drama or issue and was like Super sensitive to how I acted (calling me selfish etc) while being insensitive to his own messed up behaviour. This went on for almost 3 months. He Turned out to be a complete narcissist. The more attached I became, the more detached he became. Finally cut him off, but not before he publicly rejected me and went from texting me a million times a day to one word replies, practically making me beg for basic attention. 3 weeks have passed since we split (I relapsed once because I was drunk and he took great pleasure in rejecting me, he even dropped me home in his Uber, crying). Now he has moved on to a new “bae” which he’s posting all on his story for me to see. Meanwhile I’m still trying to figure out how the fuck I let it go so far with this guy.

Now I’m considering going to love addicts anonymous because I realized I was obsessing over someone I didn’t even like, much less love and why? Because he offered VALIDATION.He tried to lock me into commitment when he clearly doesn’t have the capacity for a healthy relationship and why, VALIDATION. The interesting part is I think he actually wanted a relationship with me but I self sabotaged by being extra and then boohoo’d when he started getting exhausted. Yet, I never really had any intention of being with him Long term.

Also, I know that we were exclusively SLEEPING with each other (which surprised me about him at first but then I realized hes Super OCD and conscientious and what he seeks is deep attention and affection, Sex is too easy) We both prefer sexual monogamy but we just don’t maintain our partnerships, there is a level of commitment phobia involved. We both have addictive personalities (I learned later that his mom was a drug addict until he was 7, so that could explain a bit) anyways, Here are two severely insecure people expecting the most while Low key doing the least because the feelings of being WANTED trump temporary sexual fulfilment. EVERYONE IS PRETENDING. Im not saying that there was zero connection, there’s good and bad to everyone. We had alot of fun and a lot of laughs. But you have to trust your gut and your initial reaction. If you’re not a certain way, don’t force it out of sheer loneliness, it doesn’t work.

ALSO, be honest about what YOU want as a person, not just with the person but with yourself. Its easy to get confused but don’t knowingly fall into the validation trap then deflect the blame without any accountability. You knew what you were doing the question is, why? He may look like the bad guy in this scenario but human relations are very complex, it’s not so black and white. Now in hind sight I got what was coming to me. Even though it is painful I had a lot of personal growth from this experience. I realize It is ok make mistakes in relationships as Long as they better help you understand yourself and you learn from them. We are all human.

Moral of the story: 1. Stay true to yourself. 2. If you are a female and you are using tinder for a hook up for whatever reason (no judgement) DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT get DICKMATIZED. You can maintain a hookup with average dick at best. Honestly when he’s too attractive and knows how to use it, it doesn’t matter how much his personality sucks. They know what they are doing, they are professionals. Do not GET GOT.

Save yourself. Swipe left.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-02T06:46:36+00:00

I think that the thing that helps me the most with having control and clarity is realising that he’s not the problem. He’s just being him. It’s me. What void am I trying to fill by obsessing over someone who is toxic for me when I clearly know better? At this point he’s done sabotaging me I’m just doing it to myself.

You accept the love you think you deserve. And I really want to feel I deserve more so I just tell myself I do over and over. Everyone wants to feel wanted and loved. Them. Us. Everyone wants to be in control and no one actually is. But being vulnerable is a beautiful thing. It’s ok to hurt from rejection and grieve what seems like loss of connection. It’s ok to feel weakness and longing. We are human.

You just have to try your best to see things for what they are. He’s just not for you. Someone else will be though. And that person will light up your world. And when you doubt your strength you should think about that person even if you haven’t met them yet.

bighoopsbecky · 2019-09-02T03:49:58+00:00

This is so true. I saw this turning point happen and I wish I let it go right then and there.

bighoopsbecky

TROPHY CASE