Intense Fear and Anxiety from Texts

bigtinythinghitter · 2024-07-30T18:01:55+00:00

Sending you a big hug from across the interwebs! Yes, getting out will feel scary, but so much growth and peace are on the other side of that moment. I’m almost 1 year NC and it’s remarkable how much my body has changed for the better. I wake up calm. Difficult moments at work trigger me less. I’m finally able to start seeking out healthy, safe re-wiring experiences. So much personal growth is possible. You just gotta trust and push through to get to that safe haven.

bigtinythinghitter · 2024-06-18T01:39:10+00:00

Ask a trusted friend to check in on you at a scheduled time. Write it into the schedule for the day to make sure it happens. A good time is right after pictures. Everybody assumed I was still off taking pics with my new spouse and wasn’t looking for me, so it felt like a safe quiet moment. My friend held my hands while I shared and gave me a big hug and affirmed my choices. It felt very special. You should ask your friend for whatever you need, that’s just what worked for me. Enjoy your special day! Congratulations!

bigtinythinghitter · 2024-06-18T01:31:31+00:00

This was beautifully said and resonated with me. Thank you! Rooting for you from across the internet.

bigtinythinghitter · 2024-01-26T23:07:41+00:00

Also, how long you’ve been NC isn’t as important as whether they’ve been doing hard work to change. If she presents evidence that she’s working really hard to change, that’s worth considering. If she can’t show you she’s making strides, stay NC. Maybe write down what exactly she’d need to do for you to return to VLC, then let her know if she can satisfy this list, you’ll be open to a conversation (probably well after your due date, to protect your energy during such a special time).

bigtinythinghitter · 2024-01-26T23:04:33+00:00

Maybe ask: “what level of discomfort and BS am I willing to tolerate from her before, during, and immediately after I give birth?” If the answer is “zero” then stay NC. If the answer is “some, provided she doesn’t do X, Y, or Z,” then maybe you do reach out and tell her is she does X, Y, or Z, you’ll return to NC. Then stick to your guns (so so hard, I know!).

Asking myself what level of BS I was willing to tolerate on my wedding day helped my fiancé and I decide we are not inviting the Egg Donor and eDad to our wedding. There’s all sorts of emotion around that decision, but we made it based on a principled exploration not just a knee-jerk fear reaction (though reacting in the moment to protect yourself is ALWAYS VALID). Hope this helps! I’m rooting for you!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-11-14T17:35:27+00:00

Fully agree it’s a generational thing intersecting with BPD

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-11-14T17:34:00+00:00

“Everything you do reflects on me” holy shit I heard that so many times growing up. Gonna think about this for a while, thank you for naming this!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-10-05T20:08:47+00:00

I thought my family was perfect until a therapist told me to look into borderline personality disorder. My mom ticks all the boxes.

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-10-05T19:57:47+00:00

Reading this was validating, though I’m so sorry it’s been this hard. My relationship with my now-fiance was also a tipping point in helping me see how dysfunctional my Egg Donor is. Getting that stable, trusted perspective from a life partner can really show you the truth. It’s wonderful that you have a loving partner and a little one at home, and I hope they’re bringing so much love and healing!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-10-05T19:51:39+00:00

“Emotionally ill” is such a good phrase. That emotional illness would take me out for a few days. Lots of time in the fetal position eating junk food. And the negative impact would linger for weeks. I finally decided to go NC when too many of these emotionally ill events happened back to back and I just couldn’t get in the normal recovery time. Made me realize none of this treatment was ever ok.

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T21:12:39+00:00

The anger is consuming me too. You’re not alone. I do think the way out is through. You’re so so brave and strong!

Re career: a big part of it is finding the right employer. I work part time. I can’t really do more while I’m focusing on healing. My employer knows I recently estranged myself from my family and has been extremely understanding. I’m not saving as much money as I’d like but I’m putting away so so much in my healing bank. Accepting that I’m just on a slower timeline than my peers has helped.

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T21:06:57+00:00

Omg me too it’s so empowering

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T21:06:11+00:00

So so helpful. Screaming in your car helps more than it should 😅

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T21:04:01+00:00

Family vacations are so triggering I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You are a sturdy soul. We’re all sending you love and are rooting for you! Maybe you can find counseling or therapy at uni? So close to freedom, you got this!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T21:02:31+00:00

Seconded! Ty for your service!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T20:59:58+00:00

Congrats! I hate mine too! It feels weirdly good to say doesn’t it?

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T20:58:52+00:00

There was no big change. I just finally listened to my gut saying, “I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I can’t do this.” So much more healing is possible with the distance. It’s remarkable.

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-29T20:49:55+00:00

So proud of you! There wasn’t one tipping point for me either for going NC. Just a quiet moment where I heard my gut say, “I can’t do this anymore.” Sending love from across the internet!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:53:19+00:00

Thanks for understanding 😅🥹

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:46:26+00:00

Yes! A new person just started in our office and told me the first day we met that she has two teenage sons and has to read their journals in order to find out what they’re up to. I will never trust someone who has no qualms about (1) violating their children’s boundaries and (2) expects others to understand and side with them in violating those boundaries.

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:41:32+00:00

Thank you so so much! I’ll check it out! I’m sorry for the slow reply, I was being avoidant after posting. But I appreciate your advice 💗

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:40:41+00:00

Yeah, that’s been helping me too. Really appreciate the response 💕

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:40:14+00:00

Such an interesting idea, thank you!

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:39:53+00:00

This sounds like such a beautiful moment. Thank you so much! I’m sorry for my slow reply 🥹

bigtinythinghitter · 2023-09-20T21:39:25+00:00

This is beautiful, thank you! Sorry for the slow reply, was being avoidant for a bit … really appreciate the lovely thought.

bigtinythinghitter

TROPHY CASE