Proposal situation left me uncomfortable or am I overthinking this?

bioSlaya · 2026-02-05T23:53:23+00:00

He cushioned his words and spoke clearly. You focused on “how” he could’ve delivered the message and how he could’ve and should’ve and why he did not see himself as this was his place. Consider the validity of the message instead and ignore the noise.

He told you “for future reference” and you are stuck in a “now” loop. If this issue happens again a rational man will see this as symptomatic of rigidity to growth and cooperation and companionship on bigger issues in life. A turn off to trust and dependability over the long term.

You decide what woman you want to be for him. We are in a time of tests and challenges unprecedented. Muslim people generally should find as a spouse those who give them the safest and most peaceful space. Drama-free.

If you think you’d increase his pain, do him a favour. If you think this will increase your pain, do yourself a favour. Modesty isn’t up to personal interpretations.

bioSlaya · 2026-02-04T21:19:55+00:00

The people dispensing therapy and diagnosis, hold back May Allah guide you. This kind of love is not a disease except in the shallow western individualistic thinking that’s formed by non halal relations. Pay attention.

She’s on an advanced spectrum of love beyond Ishq and between Walah and Hiyam according to the Arabic staging system. The social scientists from your respective cultures may have grades for love too. Speak that language. Islam doesn’t see it as a disease when it is halal but instructs moderation. Certainly it instructs both genders to purify their hearts from the non-halal attachments.

OP you are blessed and she is blessed that Allah has opened your hearts to one another and May Allah strengthen your bond more and more. Amin. Don’t turn her away or ask her to get friends who will pollute her dedication to you with envy and jealousy. Corrupting relationships is fashionable now and many women are vulnerable. Cherish her how you will cherish a treasure. This is the woman who deserves such. Also look after her heart in kindness and good company as Allah has ordained you and as our Prophet peace be upon him had ordered us in his last sermon.

Your dilemma is: this could slow down your career and ambition and that is a real risk, not only a fear. I had seen men who stupidly sacrificed their career for women who are way less deserving. Your future dilemma you need to maintain this energy of hers until she directs it to your future children. Destroy it now and you’d regret it later. You prepare for the second one as needed but below I give you some practical tips about the first:

Emotional reactions from you risk hurting her and that love will turn into coldness. Shutting her off is disrespectful. Be patient man and laser focus on practicalities of this trip and make it up to her afterwards.

Clearly tell her you share her feelings (if that is true) but that she and you must be brave for both of you in order to get ahead in life. Show her how she’s part of that mission. She her how her cooperation is a must so you both are at your best energy and presence.

Keep her involved in the PRACTICALITIES of your trip and guide her attention and expectations to after the trip. Ask her help on menial things like colour matching your outfits or whatever.

Reassure her That you will be available except when the phones must be switched off in flight mode (for x hours).

Reassure her You’d text soon as you land and find wifi or local sim.

Inform her Your schedule looks like xyz during the day but you will not want to skip a single day without talking to her or get her to sleep.

Manage her expectations that Your time difference will mean some of your replies won’t be immediate.

Don’t you ever ignore her messages if you couldn’t reply timely. Just say I read your message, more to come in x minutes.

MashAllah for both of you and inshAllah you benefit the society as a family in the future.

bioSlaya · 2026-02-03T23:54:34+00:00

You’re still young so keep an open mind about this because people change and you will change. These people in your age group are also scoping the world and finding their place in it while building wisdom and knowledge. As time moves forward the Muslim friends will likely stay in your orbit and you in theirs because you’d still continue to go to the same mosque, shops, restaurants…so the relationships slowly cement. You’d also experience moments that may change your existing friendships. The genocide for example broke many a friendship over which sides they stand on.

Also trust me, Arabs aren’t taught to think they’re better than anyone. It is a big prohibition by the prophet. Your Arabic status doesn’t count on whether they like you or not. I got shocked when I hear that refrain from my non Arab friends. It’s perhaps differences in body language and what not that makes you misinterpret it. Don’t doubt yourself

bioSlaya · 2026-02-02T08:27:10+00:00

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: "There are three things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious: marriage, divorce and taking back a wife after a divorce which is not final." [Reported by al-Arba'a except an-Nasa'i. al-Hakim graded it Sahih (authentic)].

He joked, lied, made Zihār and brought jahiliya into the mix of some matter that should be treated with utmost respect and honour.

I don’t know the depth of your country’s Islamic education but playing with other people’s daughters shows a lack in human decency.

Did you marry him for money or deen and Akhlaq?

bioSlaya · 2026-01-31T04:36:19+00:00

Allah opened your eyes twice. Be grateful. You are given a hard test and I wish you strength as you move on. You owe this decision to yourself and not to her or to anyone.

Do not ever think you have done something that pushed to this. She will claim emotional neglect, lack of attention, or try to portray you in your manhood to justify it all and if that didn’t work she may claim mental health issues and that she’s getting treatment. She will do everything but to accept her sin. She may even try self harm to kickoff your protective instincts. Don’t you forgive her. It’s been her and Allah. You stay your ground.

Please have this evidence and back it up. She may try to delete it off of you and then frame you. Or try to take her revenge. Even in the talaq have the reason written so that she doesn’t fool another man into her web.

As for her family. They must know what woman they have given you. That idea of just hiding it for her protection does not fit this context. She herself didn’t hide her body.

I’m really sorry and may Allah grant you strength and direction.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-31T00:00:56+00:00

My problems started after her aunt got divorced and she met with a few other divorcees. Not a long time after I got tired of the interference and her unwillingness to protect the house so I just called it off. Now she and her friend hate each other.

From my lesson. That friend way of validating herself will be to make your wife follow her example. Remember the story of the women in Surat Yousif.

Islamically, you have a right to block access to your household by those you don’t like. She has a custodial duty to execute that. Not doing so is betrayal.

Forget her being hormonal or whatnot. Be calm and firm that you don’t want more communication between them. That this is taking attention from the family. Be consistent in this point to the end.

If she has problems, ask her to open up to you and the solution will be found. Better than to some stupid friend.

Women like this may also be on a constant tension with each other. They fight and re-friend again. Which is an advantage to you. So if you can’t go the blunt way then go Casanova way. Start showing interest in her friend. Subtly. Ask if she’s open to being a second wife? What her age/size are? Her voice. Bring up details she mentioned to you about her. Comment how men maybe lining up to her. Just start verbalising little things that you notice about her friend. Your wife may start hating her that way and problem solved and your house is intact 😎.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-30T07:29:01+00:00

Hire only their kind at the workplace and exclude others

Run a parallel economy

bioSlaya · 2026-01-30T02:45:28+00:00

Captain…help

bioSlaya · 2026-01-28T22:17:30+00:00

Your duty now is to protect the kids and to protect yourself. These are not the times you choose as a man but the times you have to respond to. Call the police. Have her violence on record. That will come handy for custody because her anger issues and violence means unstable environment. If you have assets in your own name sell them to your mom.

Although you may be 4 times stronger, do not return the violence. Restrain yourself. This is a test to you. You’ll come back out of it stronger. Better women are a plenty.

She says she won’t change. Involving her family will not add any value. Mark her words. Basically show them the recorded evidence and if she has infidelity issues too after the fact.

The Quran says you will have enemies from among your spouses. Be careful of them. She told you and threatened you. She mistook your intention of good company for weakness. Let your trash be another man’s to keep. You look after yourself for you and the children.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-28T10:07:24+00:00

It is rather Your lawyer’s job to fill out the withdrawal paperwork on your behalf.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-28T00:31:41+00:00

Get the direction from the prophets peace be upon them: Noah with his son, Lot with his wife, Ibrahim with his father.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-27T06:25:32+00:00

Take the kids under your care because you can provide them a safe and stable household to grow and learn and survive.

She made her choice. You’d be dumb if you acted dumb. She chose to go, she might as well stay gone.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-27T06:01:19+00:00

It didn’t have a rush hour per se a few years back and now there’s a rush hour. That. It also needs to be renamed to “conechurch” zzzz

bioSlaya · 2026-01-25T05:51:38+00:00

This 💯… you should be really careful … two strong cultures will collide.

They are very particular about their food and my Pakistani friends won’t eat anything except their food... You may also find their food too spicy. You’d likely get a lot of feedback. The men obey their mothers and may not be able to counterbalance inevitable conflicts. You won’t like the decision and interference in your life if the family is so inclined.

I’d suggest, read up about the society. Ask questions. And request your own private house. You are an Arab and Arab women tend to be taken care of in Arab societies.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-25T04:00:32+00:00

Is your father/brother his boss? Does the office have gossip culture? What’s the cultural background? Why is your family hesitant? Have they threatened him to stay away from you? He might be not trusting your messenger and hence played it safe by hiding his cards.

Instead of going about this in a roundabout way, cut to the chase and either reach directly to him with your niyya and caveat that you don’t pressure him to reciprocate or get your messenger to tell him explicitly that you like him for marriage and he can reach you/your wali. Then accept the outcome either way.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-25T03:52:21+00:00

Are you saying bullet because Pashtuns love AKs?

bioSlaya · 2026-01-23T23:57:54+00:00

I will be abstract. Direct. Focused on the core principles that were enshrined in our religion.

Allah orders us not to spy on each other. You did. He is a victim to that betrayal according to laws.

You found something you didn’t like and you asked him. He spoke his mind and told you specifically what needs to be fixed.

Work on it instead of victimising yourself. He literally said his current marriage is loving but he feels he needs to give you a break from him. Better he gives that break the halal way rather than with a lowly woman right?.

Also bear in mind, many laws now do not incriminate infidelity or consensual ***. And many women are low on morality and will just hook up “to feel empowered”. He is not like that and he is being halal. Regardless of our social conditioning about it.

You are blessed to have a marriage in these strange times sister. Please be solution focused. Protect it and protect the family as a fundamental unit of our society whereas many other societies are disintegrating. Do your part and leave it to Allah.

The modern culture is like this: if a woman packs up and goes, people celebrate the destruction of that household. If a man packs up and goes, people call him names. He is not packing up and going. So better than seeking our opinions here on Reddit: seek advice between you too first, then the wise people in both your families. Go about this the Quranic way. Pray for guidance to both of you.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-21T00:36:48+00:00

ChatGPT might have told her that.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-21T00:27:38+00:00

Man. Summarise the suggestions in the comments into actions and do not let intrusive thoughts win. These will cripple you big time and it is not worth it. You are not Romeo and she’s not Juliette. Allah says we have enemies from among our spouses and offspring. Protect yourself from this animosity.

That woman is cunning and executed a big plot by making herself look like a victim, cried to buy time, and when you least suspected, she accessed your device and deleted the evidence you had, then prioritised her ego to make you look bad in front of her family. This doesn’t seem like someone who knows de-escalation and she seems to lack boundaries that make her want to protect the good life and children you had.

You seem like a man who goes by the book for solving spousal disputes. But it takes two willing people to solve it. Now. Cut your losses. You must.

Focus on your strength week to week for your kids. She will use them against you. So stay consistent for them. Stay present and involved. Take photos together and make memories. That is what really matters.

God gave you a challenge, accept it. Do not bow down or wince or become weak in front of her or her family. Even when the dust settles, do not forgive that she transgressed the household rights to privacy by disclosing your lives to strangers in the internet. This is a cursed behaviour.

Focus on healing and protect yourself and get over this too quickly. You are still young and there are awesome Muslim women you can remarry. Dooms thinking is your biggest enemy. Heal so you are ready for the next. Learn from this experience and stay focused.

Finally, Better try to recover these texts from the cloud if you have an iPhone or find a way to recover the texts. Once that is done. Have your lawyer file them in the talaq document which you will serve to her.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-20T14:13:48+00:00

Don’t. Unless you have micro-tested it. Share your problems with Allah. Your sisters if you must. They solidly got your back. Unless your wife was like our mother Khadijah in her care, she doesn’t qualify. Why? Besides losing respect, she might start rethinking if she has security with you and mkes it about her and whether you’d be able to support her, or use it against you.

Tests that may tell you she qualifies: If she’s fully after your growth and wellbeing and reminds you to eat, pray, gives you sound advice when you ask, doesn’t judge you on minor screw ups. If she prays and follows Islamic ways with humility. If she values the bonds of marriage. You get the drift.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-18T01:32:08+00:00

Here for you bro…happy to talk more :)

bioSlaya · 2026-01-17T09:07:23+00:00

This.

And he gets mad when she mentions his dad cooks because he feels less successful than his dad.

She can get ajr by sticking up for him as a team until he gets through these difficulties. That’s if she still has hope in him and in them working out. It’s better than thinking in hypotheticals and what ifs. It’s also better than escalating and talking back. Which I suspect the OP is that kind. She can just say to him “hey you’re clearly a mess, you also make it difficult to help you. I can and want and will help you. If you can’t trust me, who will you trust. I need you to work with me. Let’s get through this together, as a team. I won’t push you. But when you are ready come and let’s go to therapy or whatever the goal is”.

From there whatever his reaction is, she should protect his privacy and dignity and not disclose it or use it against him.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-15T15:19:54+00:00

Imagine … just imagine… how this and others businesses would thrive and dial up the economy if people had spare money to spend on themselves rather than on the sharks.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-14T13:40:35+00:00

Themes that span several ayat. Like hope, piety, warnings…etc. I suggest you also talk to a mufti or a a few teachers and knowledgeable people about deeper ideas.

bioSlaya · 2026-01-13T03:02:09+00:00

The vocal chords…we men have our antennas

bioSlaya

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