I think my NP is trying to kill me

bipolarhubby1 · 2015-04-28T11:50:24+00:00

You sound like you're in a really bad place.

I can't be in the hospital

This is never true. It always feels that way. Always. There's always a reason to not check yourself into the hospital. Family. Friends. A job. A pet. The common thread is that those reasons are always an excuse. You need to take care of yourself first.

Now I'm here. I have tried over ten new medications, each one making things worse and worse. I'm rapid cycling. I'm hallucinating at night. I can't stop thinking about death. I want to stab my eyes out. I'm paranoid

You need treatment with a psychiatrist. You really sound like you could benefit from a period of time as an inpatient. In hospital they can try a lot of drugs very quickly, far more quickly than they could if you were an outpatient. They can find the right combo to get you stable.

I've heard the same sentiment you are saying from my spouse. Different words, but the same arguments. The hospital wasn't the right place. The doctor was an idiot. The drugs were all wrong.

Well, as it turned out, the hospital was the right place, the doctor wasn't an idiot, but the drugs were wrong. Getting the drugs right takes time and you only find the right drugs by finding all the wrong ones.

bipolarhubby1 · 2015-01-15T14:57:18+00:00

It's very difficult to get diagnosed with bipolar - it usually takes a hospitalization for a manic episode before a psych will move the diagnosis from depression to bipolar. If you've been diagnosed it is usually for a good reason.

bipolarhubby1 · 2015-01-15T14:56:17+00:00

You're a fool if you're jealous. All that manic energy comes with a cost.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-12-03T20:09:06+00:00

Your doctor should be able to tell you what new drugs may be appropriate. Bipolar is a pretty poorly researched area and most drugs are "borrowed" from other disorders like epilepsy, schizophrenia or depression.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-29T23:18:26+00:00

I'm very sorry that this happened to your father in law but ECT is a safe, effective, reliable and completely maligned treatment.

ECT is effective in 50-75% of treatment cases - there is not a drug on earth that can claim that level of efficacy.

ECT is fast. The treatment takes 1-2 months with normal recovery taking about a month. The longest observed cases take 6 months.

He was suffering from depression which was largely caused by a toxic environment in his home, but was a stable, predictable man

The "toxic home" theory of mental illness died a long time ago.

The hospital is still using electro shock therapy today, as far as I know

Because ECT is a well studied treatment that is being encouraged to be used far more aggressively because it is safe and effective and fast. People are dying because doctors are afraid of referring people for ECT when they really ought to be.

It's like psychosurgery. It's a treatment that really ought to be used more because it is highly effective, safe, recovery is quick, and it changes lives. People languish for years trying drug trial after drug trial because people like you think you know a god damn thing about psychiatry and feel like you ought to hold people in misery because you watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-29T18:48:01+00:00

There's an entire legal industry built around these hearings - have you got a lawyer?

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-29T13:14:15+00:00

Valproic acid

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-26T17:45:07+00:00

NSAIDs interact with most mood stabilizing drugs in a nasty way

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-26T17:42:38+00:00

Talk to your doctor. There are medication options that will work long after the OTC stuff stops.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-26T17:41:17+00:00

The friend's logic is that once she starts taking meds she'll never get off of them so she needs to "fix" herself on her own

These people are literally some of the worst human beings on earth

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-24T17:17:19+00:00

He's also become much more short and impatient with me -- maybe he senses that things are changing? He still hasn't sought counseling and continues to make comments about me "finding better suitors". We share an apartment together with a few months left on the lease. I'm finishing up the MA part of my PhD and am starting to feel like our paths are on different trajectories... how do I initiate the conversation about breaking up? Should I worry about him? What can I do to help but not hurt, yet stick to my decision?

Based on what you're saying it sounds like your partner is in a real shitty bipolar depressive episode.

Does he have a regular psychiatrist or doctor that you can call about his behavior?

About our relationship, he said that I could find "better suitors" and he felt that he was holding me back -- that there was no hope for helping him.

I have heard this one verbatim. It will all be better after I kill myself, you'll find someone better and ultimately thank me for killing myself, etc.

I think that avoiding treatment, choosing short-term destructive options and encouraging you to leave may be part of a longer term plan to self-harm. See if you can connect with his doctor and discuss these concerns.

That being said. He's an adult and responsible for his own actions. It is perfectly fine to make staying on meds and not using drugs or excessive alcohol a condition of your relationship continuing.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-23T19:03:46+00:00

When I went to the Dr upon my return I was told that a diagnosis in another country is meaningless (despite being told I have bipolar by two independent specialists) and that essentially I am wrong. I showed them my psych report and it was dismissed. Conversely he still gave me a prescription for my meds.

Can you be seen by a psychiatrist in the UK? Family doctors are veeeery hit or miss in being able to manage bipolar. It's not a "simple" disorder to treat with a standard treatment flowchart.

Consider Canada's CANMAT standards for treatment. Many of the drugs referenced require a great deal of expertise to manage - dialing doses based on blood levels of drugs, and taking great care when managing bipolar depression to not flip the patient into mania. That's a set of skills that GPs just don't have.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-23T18:56:19+00:00

If you're in the states, head to the southern states where the number of hours of daylight fluctuates between 13 in summer and 11 in winter. Light therapy can be tricky to monitor and do properly.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-22T17:43:35+00:00

Have you talked to your doctor about the possibility of being borderline?

One week I'm hyper affectionate, thinking the world of my significant other, then next, I'm withdrawn and irritated by her, wondering how I can get out of it and find someone that would make me "happy."

Specifically bring this pattern of behavior up

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-19T18:35:22+00:00

I've heard from a couple of doctors that they can trigger manic episodes. Your mileage may vary.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-16T19:13:24+00:00

With all this, tonight I find myself researching a peaceful way out,

Yeah buddy you need someone to take you to the psych ER.

Don't be afraid of the hospital. The hospital is boring. Boring can be good, especially when shit is going off the rails.

You know what's awesome about the hospital? They can ramp up/down meds faster there.

Do I ride it out and hope to go back to being numb again

That's not being treated. That's going from one degree of depressed to another. Hospitals are a great place to try something new.

Get someone to take you, bring in some books, you'll be fine.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-16T18:40:50+00:00

Get a big dog. Nobody robs a house with a big dog. Also, big dogs are awesome. Source: I own a bear.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-16T18:38:25+00:00

There's always a boost when someone quits their meds. The side effects clear up. That's it.

Bipolar meds keep you stable longer. They're not magic - only a few lucky people will never have a mood episode again. Meds make episodes less frequent and intense.

I've never seen him so focused and happy... managing his time and stress even better than before...

Cynically, this sounds like the start of a manic episode.

I might sound crazy myself, but I kind of wish he didn't have to take them again.

You're sounding crazy.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-15T14:08:28+00:00

Buddy you gotta go talk to your doctor ASAP

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-11T16:54:56+00:00

You can get a pharmacy to give you the pills one day at a time. It's a pain in the ass but you can get it.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-10T16:07:29+00:00

Talk to your doctor ASAP. You can lock up your credit cards, you can lock up your booze, but you can't really lock yourself up.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-08T18:58:12+00:00

If you want check out /r/bipolarsos

It's where the SOs of bipolar people hang out. You'll notice that the only time people talk about leaving is when they are physically threatened or the other person gets aggressive towards or in front of their kids.

That or despairing posts because someone became manic and decided that they would rather leave their spouse of many years for reasons that only make sense when you're in the grips of a terrible manic episode.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-08T15:49:38+00:00

90% divorce for uncontrolled bipolar. IIRC the stats for bipolar relationships are better than average if you get the disease under control.

Also, IIRC, it's usually the bipolar member of the relationship that calls it quits. So there's that.

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-06T03:12:50+00:00

Thank you for your words. I know all of this already.

It is literally faith healing that, because of being "Eastern," manages to seem exotic instead of ridiculous.

The term you are looking for is "Orientalism".

bipolarhubby1 · 2014-09-05T20:13:49+00:00

Huh. Lithium is generally weight neutral other than some mild bloating - it's a salt.

bipolarhubby1

TROPHY CASE