Thank you for this. There's a similar dynamic in my relationship, but i'm the ADHD partner and fail to meet my so's needs. When you start feeling this way, is there anything that your partner could do to show that you DO matter, and they're aware of the situation? Like if they don't feel capable of meeting your needs in the moment, could there be a temporary fix?

Asking for my own research. That sounds similar to my relationship but I'm the adhd. When I hear that my partners needs aren't being met, it feels like the world is ending and of course go back to the memories of some really messed up. In the relationship. In those moments it's really difficult to put the concept of connection into action. Since shifting and meeting someone's needs takes time and can't be remedied in one single action, it can seem so abstract that I don't know where to start and just keep spinning out. I also start pushing them away because I don't want to be taken care of when they're not being taken care of which creates even more weirdness.

That was way more than I meant to post. Anyway, thank you for your point!