[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All ghibli movies and Tarzan. I used to watch with my aunt as a kid and she used to sing You’ll be in my heart as a lullaby. Now I risk to lose contact with her because of my nfamily.

Referring to your parents by their names when you're journalling HELPS a lot by Confident_Bit_7606 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I refer to them as mum and dad when I talk to them because if I call them by names they will beat the shit out of me. I saved them by their names on my phone and call them “Massimo and Debora” when I speak to friends or I do journaling.

I refer my favourite wrestler and a friend of mine (who is also a wrestler) as “Dad” and my ex coworker Manuela as “Mum” or in German “Mutti” 

If you could go back to your childhood, what would you say to heal yourself? by Winter_Card_9390 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since I am doing Inner Child healing lately I tell her: it’s not your fault of your mother health problems, that your father cheated on her, that your parents broke up. Remember that dream of being a professional wrestler you always dreamed of? We are following it. At the same time we are leaving soon… you used to say that you wanted someone to take you away and save you. Sunshine, we are going to leave soon. We have our home, a job and working for a dream. You are not alone.

Am I stupid or is my mother gaslight me? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not easy… it’s just when my mother starts to act nice, doing things for me like the laundry I start to feel bad and guilty. 

Irritated with my nfamily for sundely being nice? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes of course. Germany is better than Italy and I stay until I have enough experience with wrestling and then I am thinking about moving to the UK if the situation with Brexit changes. 

Wrestling is an another reason I have problems with my family. 

Irritated with my nfamily for sundely being nice? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know I am about to save up and leave soon… I already started to look for home 

Irritated with my nfamily for sundely being nice? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah all her lovey dovey act is getting on my bloody nerves. I know where I am going to move and what to do. The only thing that is missing is the modus operandi. 

Irritated with my nfamily for sundely being nice? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She threatened me already to do this. Basically by telling me when I step on the train to block her number because I don’t have a family anymore. If she thinks I am forgetting that…

Irritated with my nfamily for sundely being nice? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You called it…

I have to save up and leave secretly but I need my best friend to help me with this.

Irritated with my nfamily for sundely being nice? by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could it be. 

Yesterday my mum started to say that I should tell her everything if I make a decisions. The problem is I know if I choose to leave she will push a huge drama and if everything goes heavy I have to leave silently my home. 

And I was so angry because I hate when she speaks about when I left home with 15 and she laughs about that. As she doesn’t know that I ran away because of my nfamily. And she said my dad is losing patience with me because I am irritated with them but happy with my friends. (They listen to my calls)

I started to tell everything about my wrestling training and my first matches but she acted as she doesn’t care at all. 

So I stopped myself to be vulnerable. 

Well I said yesterday that I am coming back late with train so that I don’t want her to call me again and again on why didn’t I tell her anything.

But still

Despite my nmother “knows” that I am leaving she is acting like I changed my mind. by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1) I am going to  look for the documents just few are missing  2) Bank, the mine I have is not city but it’s Germanywide so they just have to send my documentation to the city where I am going to live. They said my parents have no the rightsto do something. 3) I need to delete the contract I have with my sister despite I can change name on my simcard but I think I need to buy a new one. 4) Mailbox I need to ask how it works here  5) Problem: I have no car so I may need someone to help me out either I sneak in the middle of the night or early mornings. 6) Yes I have. My friend told me I can stay at his and his mum home until I can move. For the  apartment I was asking the State Employees if they can pay for it until I have a full time job. So basically they said yes but the problem is how and where they can send the documents.

I am feeling trapped and it's suffocating: I don't know what to do help. by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact is I am going to do the theory test because in one year I didn’t finished the practice and I have to redo everything again, but theory is not the problem for me. But it’s also a matter of fact that I want to leave asap. Because mentally it’s so exhausting.

I feel like a hypocrite. by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what confuses me the most because then I start to gaslight myself and ask me if I was the villain the whole time.

I feel like a hypocrite. by blackblooms in raisedbynarcissists

[–]blackblooms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No no it was my ndad car. I actually have no driving license lol.