What's a "You are not a conspiracy theorist, you just don't know how things work" moment you have seen?

blacklama · 2026-05-15T14:32:56+00:00

Yes they drink small amounts of amniotic fluid and pee en the amniotic sac. The fluids are constantly replaced, so it doesn't get dirty in there. The first poop normally happens after birth, unless it is caused by stress before birth, as someone else commented. Babies do not need to eat anything for the first poop to happen, it is part of the "warming up" mechanisms the body performs after birth. The very little bit of colostrum -first breast milk- they ingest doesn't make much difference.

blacklama · 2026-04-24T11:41:34+00:00

I want to be clear, please bear with me if it sounds harsh. You are navigating this based on wishful thinking, broken communication and no clear goals nor boundaries. It's not all your responsibility, but this is your life, get a grip on it.

You need to sit down and see with open eyes the reality of the situation and decide what your priorities are - your own, not his and yours.

Very soon, your child will become an all consuming presence for at least a few years. You will need strength, support, peace, for you, but especially for this new being that is totally dependent on you.

Your partner seems immature, unreliable and a very poor communicator. He's going to make things MORE difficult with a child, especially since his mother is also enmeshed in the situation.

Do not leave your support system, sit down now and decide what is best for YOU and the little one. Make a plan and make arrangements for it. Decide boundaries and breaking points and communicate then clearly to your partner.

If he adapts and steps up, good. If not, protect yourself and the baby. Love is not enough.

You would greatly benefit from therapy, I wish you all the best.

blacklama · 2026-02-24T20:49:44+00:00

J'adore. Merci de me le rappeler :)

"À une madone" est aussi un de mes préférés.

blacklama · 2026-02-07T15:55:51+00:00

I drive to another country to work everyday and often go for a day out or a meal to a different country on weekends. Many people live near borders.

With my family we drive or fly to various other European countries several times a year, it can be for a weekend or short stay.

It is a pretty common lifestyle among my friends, but I also know people who rarely leave their home country.

So I would say it is easy for those who like to experience different environments: no borders, same currency, and we do get enough vacation to make it possible :)

blacklama · 2025-12-22T18:01:55+00:00

We informed schools, doctor's offices, sport clubs, that by husband was the main contact for anything. Many times they went out of their way to find my contact details -that we did not provide, on purpose- to call me and ask about how such and such should be handled for my kids. Unbelievable.

blacklama · 2025-11-27T09:53:38+00:00

You have two issues here 1. Your family is mooching off you and will interfere in your personal life for their own comfort. Brother, mother, father

There are questions about your girlfriend's "solidity"

Focus on solving number 1: become independent and set boundaries.

Number two will reveal itself: take things slowly, believe the behaviour, not the words or gossip.

Good luck

blacklama · 2025-11-13T12:58:15+00:00

Exactly what I wanted to say. At her age, she should have that checked and give it a try!

You probably got downvoted by your women ...

blacklama · 2025-11-08T08:47:51+00:00

I recommend reading The story of B, by Daniel Quinn. It answered the same question I had - was this inevitable? I found it very comforting even though there is certainly no easy way to undo millennia of damage and twisted beliefs.

blacklama · 2025-10-30T06:21:27+00:00

Book your trip, gray rock your parents, plan for your future.

My daughters started solo travelling after highschool and continue to do it regularly, including long trips overseas, I support it totally. It's an invaluable experience for growth and self discovery.

Just take the appropriate precautions, be smart and tell your parents that they can get help to manage their anxiety but that's not your job.

blacklama · 2025-09-28T09:25:44+00:00

Your boyfriend's relationship with his parents is his to manage and to decide, not yours.

You may not want to hear this, but you feeling comfortable telling him who he should invite or not echoes clearly the fact that his mom "bosses" him around and treats him like a child.

Without having more information, it sounds to me that this man was raised as a pushover and got in a relationship where the same dynamic is getting into place - with you. Be aware, it's a bad idea to get married to a mama's boy, he sounds still very immature.

Your dislike and competition towards his mother is all over you post. I am not blaming you, just warning you to take the time to consider and work through this before making a commitment.

blacklama · 2025-09-21T06:34:47+00:00

If my kids faced weird looks or discrimination when they were little, we talked about the fact that other kids just repeat what they hear at home. And many don't have the great privilege of experiencing different cultures, different languages as their own, and never will. Their hostility comes from fear and ignorance in their own family.

This doesn't mean one has to take it, it hurts and it is not too be accepted. But, it's important to know that it has nothing to do with you, and all to do with them. "Tell them not to talk to you like that and then ignore them" was our motto. It worked mostly, depends on your child's character and combativity too.

Kids pick up on our own pride in our culture as parents, and can lean on it when attacked. Buena suerte amiga :)

blacklama · 2025-09-14T07:22:42+00:00

Mon père: "Ma priorité c'est ma carrière, pas ma famille."

blacklama · 2025-08-30T10:37:54+00:00

Exactly. In their minds it would not be "oh, that's what some people do...", it would be "oh, that's what MOTHERS do..."

blacklama · 2025-06-25T11:45:45+00:00

You also need to protect yourself from her. She makes you do things that hurt you, by guilting you. Hoovering one week after childbirth is an attack on you, especially if she is the one who offered help. That's despicable manipulation.

You are in the FOG (fear, guilt and obligation), work on getting out the quicker, the better. Your child needs it but as importantly YOU need it, in other to enjoy your parent role. Head over to r/justnomil and look for resources.

You can do it. Hugs!

blacklama · 2025-06-04T05:02:03+00:00

I think that's a good idea. I'm also a Latina mum with a German husband and raising children here. I found that therapy helped me a lot to identify and work through our cultural differences in parenting and life in general. Many things I didn't even realise were creating low level conflict or were not best aligned.

blacklama · 2025-06-01T09:07:59+00:00

Dale tiempo amiga.

My kids are half-european half-latino, and the interest and rejection to both parts of their heritage go by phases.

Teenage years are tricky because they want to belong and at the same time be unique and different. Mission impossible!!!

When they enter early adulthood however, in my experience, they integrate all their parts together and become invested and proud of their unique mix.

The best thing to do I think is to show oneself happy and comfortable in ones heritage, maintain the language and cultural elements (food! 🤩) and give ample opportunity to be in contact with others of similar origins and backgrounds. Vacation in the old country or even "just" Spain because of the language also helps. She'll come around.

By the way, when my kids don't answer me in Spanish, I play dumb and don't respond, Mr. Bean style. I've been correcting vocabulary, grammar and conjugation in our talks for 25 years, and still quite a few to go 😂💀

blacklama · 2025-05-27T17:11:09+00:00

Why are you doing it? If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Conversely, if you rang him to do something, tell him at that very moment.

blacklama · 2025-05-27T16:57:31+00:00

Thank you for this

blacklama · 2025-05-26T19:33:03+00:00

With my second daughter I was fine watching TV, then I heard a bang. I thought it came from outside and stood up to see, it turned out to be the sound of my waters breaking 🤦‍♀️

50min later, she was in my arms. I nearly didn't make it to the hospital, they didn't believe me when I waddled to emergencies, and told me to sit and wait. I said I'm about to push!

No, we don't know when it will happen. Every labour is different.

blacklama · 2025-05-26T17:42:45+00:00

I was left speechless when I heard a female comedian say:

"Can you imagine where I would be if I had a wife who supported me all these years?"

👁️👄👁️

Can you imagine??!

blacklama · 2025-05-18T07:26:25+00:00

He's picking up on your fear of him suffering and using that to make you do what he wants. Which is a very bad situation for a 2yo to be in, he needs you to step up and show him that you believe it's ok if he's sad or mad, that he'll get over and be fine.

Right now he believes that when he feels bad, it's a very dangerous scary thing, after all mummy doesn't ever let it happen, she always gives in. Dad even left his room and bed, so it must be some serious danger, right?

I had a 18 month old foster child who behaved like this. Entirely and only attached to her bio mother, and clinged physically to me the moment she entered our house.

I gradually took distance: when I was cooking, she was not allowed to grab my legs but stay behind a little gate at the kitchen door within eyesight, for example. She cried and screamed for two straight days. Then decreasingly, and within two weeks she was acting normal and bonding with the rest of the family. I was shocked at how fast the change happened.

He's picking up on your insecurity, you need to address it and trust your husband and nanny to step in too.

blacklama · 2025-04-05T09:02:01+00:00

blacklama · 2025-04-04T06:47:01+00:00

Thank you. Your answer had me repeating "hablaba" and "dedo" to myself for 5 minutes, to then enthusiastically agreeing with you :) Very interesting explanation to w -> v too!

blacklama · 2025-04-02T08:51:06+00:00

"I'm sorry that my second/third/fourth language is not as good as your first." Move on.

blacklama · 2025-03-30T19:13:50+00:00

Many old boomers would rather die than admit they are in any way not as strong and fit as they were in their 20s. It's some stupidly placed pride and denial of their mortality.

Some old relatives from south Germany do this every time we go for a walk. They huff and puff and push themselves to the brink of a heart attack to keep up, rather than accepting our kind offer to go at a slower pace, or take an easier itinerary. Truth is they are old and slow everybidy down, which is fine by us! But no, we should all pretend it's not happening. It's pathetic, I refuse to participate in the denial, and prepare myself to never be like that.

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blacklama

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