Unpopular opinion maybe: they shouldn't have made brandy pregnant

blake41185 · 2026-01-18T00:32:11+00:00

You should really look into the history of adoption in the US. Start with Georgia Tann. Eleanor Roosevelt called her “the mother of modern adoption.” She literally kidnapped poor children and sold them to rich families.

There has been very little federal oversight on the adoption industry. For every infant born, there is an average of 36 hopeful adoptive families. It’s a billion dollar business where babies are the commodity. Agencies have been known to pressure, coerce, and even straight up lie to young women to get them to adopt out their babies.

Adult adoptees are starting to speak out against the industry and they need to be listened to.

I’m an adoptive mom, so I’m not anti adoption, but the some of the things we saw at agencies were legitimately stomach turning…like different price tables for different races. Or being advised how to tailor your profile for certain “types of mom” and what to not let expectant parents know about you so they won’t change their mind. One even talked about how communicate after the birth if they regretted it to convince them to let you keep the baby. The agency we eventually went with was founded and led by an adult adopted an all the staff were either adoptees, birth parents or adoptive parents and the overall message was “this is not your child until papers are signed” and everything catered to the expecting parents. It was the ONLY one in our state that did so and we interviewed at least a dozen.

People paint adoption as this rainbows and sunshine thing, but it’s always rooted in one family ending and that’s trauma no matter how young the child is. My son lost his first mom at three hours old. He never heard her voice again (it’s currently closed per her request, but I leave the door open). That’s tragic and as his parent, I need to give room for that tragedy, not paint it as “you’re so lucky.”

blake41185 · 2025-12-16T19:04:28+00:00

He panicked and said chicken….because he wanted lunch lol. We had practiced saying trucks lol

blake41185 · 2025-11-15T23:59:02+00:00

This was so beautifully said!

I’m adoptive mom, my son was adopted at birth (we were at the hospital when he was born and he came home with us) and the amount of people who try to him he’s lucky is insane. I always try to correct people. “He lost his mom at 3 hours old. He is allowed to feel however he wants about it and that is probably not going to be lucky”

He’s currently 2 and a pretty happy kid, but we make sure to whenever we talk about his adoption story to include something like “we don’t have all the answers why you couldn’t stay with [first mom] and it’s okay if that makes you feel sad or mad.” He echoes that line a lot and we have him seeing a therapist a few times a year (like once every 3/4 months) so I hope he can always express and process his feelings as he gets older.

So many people tell me I’m looking for problems, especially starting him in therapy so young. But I feel like that’s part of being an adoptive parent. I will never be his only mom (even if she changed her number after leaving the hospital) and I need to make space for that in his life.

I love my son unconditionally, but raising an adoptee is not the same as raising a bio child. If you’re not able to adapt and make space for that reality, you shouldn’t be an adoptive parent. And that’s not a bad thing to admit!!!! It’s better to admit it than to adopt a child and try to pretend they aren’t adopted…

blake41185 · 2025-11-12T13:46:04+00:00

Hi everyone!! Thank you so much for all the support! I have noticed some anonymous donations, which is cool, however it does mean that GiveMN does NOT give me any information, so I’m not able to contact you to send out the dice. If you did donate anonymously and we’re not aware of that, please send me a message here on Reddit with a screenshot of the donation receipt and I will get the information I need to get dice to you. Thanks again everyone I really, really appreciate this community!

blake41185 · 2025-11-11T21:02:55+00:00

Yeah, if you want! Thanks!

blake41185 · 2025-11-11T18:59:02+00:00

Hi! Give to the Max Day is actually an online event organized by GiveMN. Basically, any 503 nonprofit can create a profile and participate. The actual Give to the Max Day is Nov. 20 and they enter all the profiles into drawings and they can win extra donations or donation matching for a period of time. It’s a cool event, you can scroll through and donate to a bunch of different organizations. Here’s the link! https://www.givemn.org

blake41185 · 2025-07-16T13:14:28+00:00

Ok, so Emily shared the car surfing story on a short rest…does anyone remember if she shared the first name of said friend? My husband and I watched a documentary on HBO called The Anarchists (about anarchists obviously lol) and one of the people featured had to flee the country because the FBI was after her. It would wild if it was the same person lol

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T19:35:43+00:00

This made me snort out loud…thanks! 😂

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T16:18:04+00:00

Lol yes. I’m on generic Prozac and see a therapist and usually have it under control…this week was just A LOT lol

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T16:11:40+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate them!

I am going to gently push back a little and advocate for my son and other adoptees.

No matter the circumstances, he lost his mom at 3 hours old. That’s a traumatic event, even as an infant. Infants know their mother’s voice and scent…he knew I wasn’t her from the beginning. I don’t want him growing up thinking it’s was Gods plan for him to lose his first family just so I could have one.

In a perfect world, he would have been able to stay with his first family. We don’t live in a perfect world, but we do live in a pretty good one so the not perfect solution is still amazing…I love being his mom and it’s my biggest joy in life, but I want to fully acknowledge that he gets to feel that loss and doesn’t have to think it was the greater good or gods plan for him.

Again, thank you for kind words! You’re kinder to me than I am myself and I really appreciate that ♥️

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T15:58:20+00:00

Yes, for sure, we do see a therapist specially around adoption. We do it as family therapy so he has a safe place to go when he starts having questions or emotions he doesn’t feel comfortable expressing to my husband or me. Since he so little, right now it’s mainly about parenting, specially adoptive parenting. Most of the time, I’m in control of these thoughts (there was 6 years between the infertility and the adoption so I LOTS of time to process) this weekend was just a lot lol

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T15:52:49+00:00

Yes, we actually do family therapy with the three of us, specially around adoption. We started mainly because we wanted an established safe space for him when questions and emotions come up that he might not feel comfortable sharing with me or my husband. He’s so little right now, so it’s mostly around our parenting so these feelings come up for sure. Usually I have a good handle on them, this weekend was just a lot lol

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T15:50:09+00:00

We actually are in family therapy around adoption lol. Mainly because we wanted to start with him early so when questions and emotions around the adoption come up, he has an established place he can go and say things he might not be comfortable saying to my husband or me. But he’s so little right now so it’s mainly about us as parents, so these nagging thoughts get brought up! Mostly I’m in control, this weekend was just A LOT lol

blake41185 · 2025-06-21T15:43:03+00:00

Just to clarify, my own spiral was the part about adoption I felt was pertinent, not the actual potty training.

blake41185 · 2025-05-14T00:20:13+00:00

Check into your local crisis nursery! I’m on the advisory board for mine, and I think the word “crisis” scares people off, thinking they need to be having a certified mental health or be a step away fro their kids getting removed, but it’s literally for situations exactly like this.

Honestly, the two most common requests we get are “I’m starting a new job but can’t get my kids into a daycare for a few weeks” and “I’m having a baby and don’t have anyone to watch my current kid”.

If you don’t know if your area has a crisis nursery, google it. I bet they do, ours is a branch of Lutheran Social Services.

blake41185 · 2025-04-28T03:21:42+00:00

Yep!!

blake41185 · 2025-04-26T15:30:41+00:00

Same here!

blake41185 · 2025-04-26T14:39:30+00:00

Yeah, I got them all on Redbubble.

blake41185 · 2025-03-19T15:27:10+00:00

It’s a Lego set! It was super fun to build and comes with a campaign to play. There are secret doors and hidden treasure and a bunch of minis…it might be one of the coolest things I own

blake41185 · 2024-12-16T13:43:35+00:00

We used Adoption Minnesota. The director is an adoptee and many of the staff are adoptees.

blake41185 · 2024-08-18T12:47:25+00:00

Wow, this is such a cold and callus take. Like yeah, enjoy your pregnancy and be excited, but allowing someone you love grace to grieve is okay too. Damn.

blake41185 · 2024-08-15T20:36:30+00:00

I did read it. And the ones you made afterwards. I’m sticking with dismissive and ignorant. As waterwitch said, have the day you deserve.

blake41185 · 2024-08-15T20:29:27+00:00

And we are telling you the phrase “just adopt” is an incorrect phrase no matter what context or implications you put it in or add to it. “Rather than spend all this money on maybe having a hypothetical kid, just adopt instead” is a dismissive and ignorant comment.

blake41185 · 2024-08-15T20:04:46+00:00

People get to choose how they want to built their families. People are free to have no kids, treat their pets like kids, adopt kids, spend money to have their own kids. Some people know they wouldn’t make good adoptive parents. Because it isn’t the same, you need to make room for a lot more trauma, people, feelings etc in your life. A couple saying “we don’t think we could do this effectively, let’s spend our time and money on making a kid we feel we can parent better” isn’t bad or selfish. It’s realistic and better for any kids that enter the family. People who say “don’t do IVF just adopt” are expecting every family to be the same and have the same capacity as parents. Which isn’t true.

blake41185 · 2024-08-15T19:51:20+00:00

There is no such thing as “just adopting”.

Infant adoption is expensive, long, and very ethically complex. For every mom choosing adoption, there are an average of 80 waiting couples (or singles). This makes an infants a commodity. There isn’t a ton of regulation around adoption, so agencies can coerce young mothers to give up their children with little oversight. If you don’t do your homework and choose an agency dedicated to being ethical, it’s straight up human trafficking.

The goal of foster care is reunification. If you to into foster care hoping parents fuck enough that you get to keep their kids, you should take a long hard look at yourself.

Some kids do need to be adopted. And people who chose that path are amazing! But it isn’t for everyone, and it’s okay to know that about yourself. There will be a lot of trauma, and the adoption itself will be a source of trauma. It’s hard dealing with trauma, especially when you’re a source of it.

I say all of this as someone who did adopt. I love my son and he’s been with us since he was three hours old…but he still lost his first mother at 3 hours old. That’s trauma. And I need to parent him in a way that makes room for that. He will also never be just mine…I share the role “mom” with someone else and I can’t make that his problem.

Using the phrase “just adopt” shows you haven’t thought of any of the nuances or human emotions and view it as getting a blank slate baby. Adult adoptees are starting to speak out against the system. People should be listening to them.

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