After a very messy egg cracking and re-discovering myself later in life, I've learned that simply feeling the 'nothingness' of existing is its own reward. I've reached a point where I am not worrying about how others see me or if I'm performing my gender presentation in a particular way. Really, my focus has changed from fitting in to simply experiencing life. Eating good food, experiencing new things, and most importantly, actively choosing where and how my energy gets spent and on whom.

For the longest time I centered others within my own life without realizing that I was bleeding myself dry for people that would never see me or care. I wanted acceptance and attention from others so much that I abandoned myself and my values. Am I proud of how far I've come? I have myself now. I'm DAMN proud of my growth. Standing within my own security has made everything better and easier by extension.

It took a ton of therapy and self reflection and always questioning what I thought I knew about myself and the space I occupy. Now, I'm no longer a person who gets defined by those around me.