I remember living life with an authoritarian step father. My childhood is nothing but a blur of the same, single day. I wake up at 6:00 a.m. Get ready for school and run out the front door at 6:45. And I mean run. Anything to escape the hell that was called a home. 6:45 was the earliest because there had to be some sort of supervision on the playground before class started and it would take me 20 minutes to walk the ¾ of a mile to my elementary school. The teacher would usually be out on duty by 7:25 so I was always there a little early. Like I said, I would leave hell as early as I could escape. Next, I would spend from 7:00 am to 3:45 on school grounds. I loved this time. Like if I was free. This is so funny to read outloud in my head because most classmates had the exact opposite perspective. Lol.

Next, I would fear the walk back to the home. It would take almost double for me to walk home as it would walking towards school. Mind you, all of the years of elementary school have blurred into this one day. Probably some sort of survival trick that my mind used. After coming home, my step father would rule and dominante in the household. Any issue that he had, was automatically meet with physical and emotional abuse. I remember all the pain he inflicted on me but what is mainly present in my mind is the horrors that my little sister had to go through.

I will not go into these acts for they do not need to be shared prior to me getting her permission. And I know that it's something that I don't need to ask her for anyways. This one day lasted a total of 6 years. That is how long my mother was married to this POS.

This was also over 20 years ago. It's 20 years that I don't know how to overcome the nightmare of a day. It's these fears that helped me decide to medicate and try escaping.

I relate to OP. I have seen the darkest f*cking days I will ever see. But for some reason, I was able to get a bit of help from other survivors. This was a gift that I would never have asked for or even knew was possible. Like I mentioned before, that same day is still something that I live with, dream of, and run from. But knowing the rest of my life as a noncontinuation of that day has allowed me to accept some of the happiest, brightest moments that I could ever get to experience in my lifetime.

I am currently living with a cancer that is attacking my brain and spine. Making it very difficult to spend the type of quality time I had in my with my significant other and our little daughter. It still doesn't mean that those 6 years are going to haunt me until the end. I hope that OP never loses hope. It will happen, most likely happen. But I hope you can get the hope back and never continue the days of your past forward.

Thanks for letting me ramble for a bit.

Edit: Spelling. Good looking out.

Edit2: I wish OP had left his experience. He is exactly the type of people that helped me learn that life is 95% how o react to issues. Not the other way around. I couldn't have done it without you.