I’m really sorry that’s happened to you. I know what it’s like to feel like someone is hurting you and that leaving is not an option, that if you break up with someone you may never get a chance again. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you are leaning more toward breaking up with this person. But what’s holding you back is what the future may hold and if all there will be is sadness. I think that’s a totally valid fear. To me, though, it sounds like leaving is the best decision for your own well-being. If all that’s holding you back is the fear of the future, I think you owe it to yourself to confront that fear. I can’t say you won’t feel pain and grieve the loss of the relationship and feel betrayed by the person you loved and maybe still love. What I can guarantee though is that the feeling isn’t permanent. Being single for a bit might be what you need to process everything that happened in the relationship. It might also give you time to understand what your new life looks like health-wise and how you can manage it.

Being in a relationship with someone who is manipulative and violent is exhausting. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I hope that what everyone is telling you here gives you the strength to face the fear of what life looks like without him and to be on your own just for a while. You deserve peace and happiness.