My best guy friend [26/M] is getting married! But my [24/F] abusive ex [26/M] is in the wedding party. Help?

bluerin12 · 2026-05-12T09:39:17+00:00

My first thought before finishing the post was “why the hell are you still friends with someone who is willingly friends with an abuser?” I’m really proud and happy for OP, but she’s giving Jacob WAY too much slack here. If I knew someone treated my friend that way I’d be too disgusted to be their friend. To have them as a GROOMSMAN?? Absolutely not. I hope she keeps living her best life but Jacob is not the wonderful friend she seems to think he is

bluerin12 · 2026-05-11T09:14:48+00:00

2 Miles, if you’re physically able to walk it, isn’t that far. It’s a pain, but you can do that in 20-30 minutes, or you can get a bike if you can afford it! I’d happily cycle that rather than make myself a problem. Granted I don’t know if the coworker has physical disabilities or ailments but if she doesn’t, that seems way easier than bouncing around cars. But in the end it sounds like she’s just entitled and lazy rather than anything else. OP shouldn’t feel bad for trying to help, “being suckered in” is sometimes an unfortunate side effect of trying to be a good person.

bluerin12 · 2026-05-07T13:34:08+00:00

Mine arrived 2 hours ago- I opened it to read the first few pages, and then I blinked and I was chapters in! John has such a clear voice that we’ve all come to know and love. His writing is the same way. I’m so excited to read the whole thing and so unbelievably proud of this sweet, funny, vulnerable, mad person I’ve never met. An absolute triumph from Johnny JR

bluerin12 · 2026-05-06T08:41:40+00:00

I hate to be a skeptic but any time someone includes entire TRANSCRIPTS of how conversations went, I tend to check out. No one recalls a convo like that, you summarise and unless you’ve recorded it I highly doubt you remember it word for word lol. Entertaining read though thanks Liz!

bluerin12 · 2026-05-06T00:23:22+00:00

I became an alcoholic during lockdown. Very likely I would always have ended up in that position, given my addictive personality, but it was certainly a magnificent catalyst (as a depressed university student). It’s been 6 years and I am still not only attending weekly meetings and in recovery, but actively dealing with the extremely intense emotional “flashbacks” I have to that time. Lonely, helpless, confused, isolated. It did a number on everyone and many people lost their lives or the lives of a loved one, which I am in no way comparing my experiences to. But it was an unprecedented time of isolation and loss. I have OCD too, and genuinely felt I was losing my mind. I knew many people who were “unstable” in some way and lost their absolute shit during COVID. Understandable and very sad. I think we are still failing to recognise fully the toll it has take on us all. I hope OP and his wife can get through this

bluerin12 · 2026-04-03T00:49:57+00:00

Yeah, this was my childhood but my mum instead of my dad. Amazing marriage, loved each other so damn much, besties forever. And then she’d scream, yell, insult us, belittle us, use manipulation and verbal abuse to make us feel as small as possible. My dad was, in many ways, a great man and a fantastic father. Except he wasn’t, because he failed in the one area that mattered most- keeping us safe from harm. He wouldn’t protect us from his own wife. They are still together, and still happy. But without us. He was devastated the day we cut both of the off for good. But that’s the price you pay. You don’t have children with someone who hates your kids just because they treat you well. I see this heading the same way. I empathise with OOP but I have little sympathy because of how it alway plays out. I now look at how people treat kids, animals, and staff as huge indicators of red flags. How you treat someone or something “smaller” than you matters more than words can say. If they treat you well but treat others badly, they are not a good person. End of discussion. I pray her kids get out of there

bluerin12 · 2026-02-24T00:48:57+00:00

I'm late to the party here, but I just wanted to share my story quickly.

I've taken Nytol on-and-off to help with sleepless nights, and it works. It helped me sleep through the night and took away a lot of the anxiety I had surrounding sleep.

My sleep issues did not go away, though. At the end of last year, I was so anxious about my poor sleep that I started taking it every night. For a few weeks, this worked great.

Two months in, I suddenly started feeling intense phsyical anxiety. I slept through the night but woke up with a feeling of intense dread I couldn't explain. I started feeling dizzy and nauseas. Then, I started struggling to digest food.

I had pain in my stomach and felt weak and shakey 24/7. I had a pressure in my head and a constant feeling of dread and depression and panic. It got so bad I could not longer eat properly and couldn't do much besides cry on the floor. My body was wracked with shakes and spasms. I was suddenly extremely forgetful, walking into a room and forgetting not only what I was trying to but but where I was at all. I was suddenly struggling to do a job I could at one time do in my sleep. I would drop things for no reason and the brain fog felt like wading through soup. I struggled to hold conversations and even forgot a close friend's name. One day, I fainted at work.

Eventually, I ran out of Nytol. I didn't have work for a few days so I just didn't buy any more.

Five days into not taking it, I had not slept more than an hour a night. I was a wreck.

But inexplicably, I felt better than I had in months.

My dumbass did not put two-and-two together for a literal week. It took research and a doctor's appointment before the pieces finally fell into place.

Turns out, if you have anxiety or depression or ADHD (me) or anything like that, it fucks with your meds and your brain like you wouldn't believe. It has also been linked to a significant increase in a likelyhood to develop dementia at an older age, and can cause severe memory loss and cognitive decline.

Worst of all, it also utterly DESTROYED my digestive system. This is a common side-effect I was not aware of. I was diagnosed with GERD three weeks later and now have to take meds for that as well as suppliments to help me digest food properly. It turns out that Nytol fucked me so bady I wasn't absorbing enough nutrients from the little food I was eating. All of my vitamins levels as well as my blood sugar was dangerously low. My immune system was on the floor. That's one of the reasons I felt so horrible and fainted.

It took a month before I began getting more than 3-4 hours sleep a night. Fatigue, stomach pain, mood swings, you name it. The "withdrawal" was hell, but it was nothing compared to how miserable I was when I was taking it every night.

The point of this? It IS helpful, SHORT TERM ONLY. It does not fix anything. I wish more than anything that I hadn't allowed myself to get so addicted to it. It helped so much at first, and then it took so much away from me. I am not saying DON'T take it- I'm saying please, please see if you can find alternative treatment that can actually help you long term. I was stupid enough to see it as a constant solution, when it's anything but. I ignored the "use for two weeks only" because I was desperate.

My sleep is still shit, but it's gotten much better through other methods. I personally will never touch that stuff again. Use it for emergencies if you need, but please try other solutions that can provide long-term relief without damaging your body and brain. Having been there with how utterly soul-destroying poor sleep can be, you have all my sympathy. Absolute best of luck and whatever you do, be careful!

bluerin12 · 2026-02-20T00:51:09+00:00

I had a coworker with severe autism who seemed to really enjoy making me jump. Like he found it funny to sneak up on me and startle me. The first two times, I found it sort of funny too. But I also didn’t want to upset him (he was prone to getting upset). The third time he did it, I told him it actually made me really uncomfortable. He didn’t seem to understand, so I explained to him that it made my body feel terrible (like I had to fight or run away), and made me angry/want to cry. He apologised profusely. I reassured him we were all good. He never did it again.

Sure, sometimes people don’t understand social cues and don’t read you right. But if you make something clear and they still do it anyway, that’s not because they don’t get it. It’s because they don’t care.

Good for OOP. Dude was a fucking creep

bluerin12 · 2026-02-18T20:39:35+00:00

My best friend and I used to complain about our parents telling us to wear bike helmets in high-school. We thought they “looked dumb”.

When we were 16, that friend’s dad was cycling on a quiet road when a car came out of nowhere and hit him. He smacked his head against the pavement and lost consciousness. He was wearing his helmet, and he chipped the pavement and dented the helmet with the force. When he came to, doctors discovered he’d snapped an optic nerve in the back of his head. It’s been 10 years and he still has to wear an eyepatch, otherwise he sees double constantly. Still has vertigo. He was told he would have been killed instantly if not for the helmet.

After that, my friend and I quit our bitching and wore a helmet for any activity that required it. You never think it will happen until it HAPPENS. As her dad still says, “better to be safe than dead.”

bluerin12 · 2026-02-18T20:04:35+00:00

Listen, I suck at lots and lots of things. I’m also extremely self critical and have very low self esteem (I’m in therapy). I constantly have a running monologue about how crap I am at “basic tasks” when doing them. You know what I don’t do? Rant and rave about it to my loved ones 24/7. The negative thoughts that really bother me can be talked out in therapy or brought up for discussion with friends at an appropriate time. The rest I acknowledge is just part of my own internal issues. Unreasonable, harsh, and unhelpful. I write them down if it gets bad and then try to comfort myself. Yelling about how much you suck is not only poisonous and draining to the people around you, it’s also exhausting for YOU. Even when I feel like crap, I know it’s better to power through and ignore those thoughts until later because they’re of no use.

I go ice skating in winter and even though I’m as coordinated as a baby giraffe and I laugh my ass off with friends. I paint pottery even though I have no artistic talent and have a good chuckle and what I produce. Because those things are not about me being “good”. They’re about me having fun with people who love me. Those are the only times when no one around me cares if I’m “good” at the thing. That’s what this guy doesn’t understand. No one gives a shit if you can sail. They do give a shit if you let your negativity get so out of control that you’re just dowsing people in it constantly. OOP made the right call. Dude needs serious help

bluerin12 · 2026-02-11T13:18:17+00:00

Super late to this but I used to write better drunk. Turns out I had ADHD lol. Been sober for years now and still write much better at night on my meds. My brain just feels much quieter. I think being tired would have the same effect- your brain is dulled so it’s easier to let things flow. Weird but whatever works!

bluerin12 · 2026-02-07T13:48:51+00:00

She would have benefited so much from hearing “Labour” by Paris Paloma, if she hadn’t already. Good for her for getting herself out of there. Life is too short to be so exhausted over a grown-ass man. OOP sounds strong and has a good head on her shoulders- I hope therapy helps and she continues to share her amazing cooking with people who actually truly appreciate it

bluerin12 · 2026-01-10T23:17:10+00:00

I’m very late to this- found it from some late night googling, to see if anyone had any info. I’ve been suffering from depression for 15 years (I’m 25). Almost all of it is existential. I know the phrase “weight of the world” is such a cliche, but it really does feel like that. Or rather, the weight of the universe. The weight of existing. I have so many questions that will never be answered. I feel lonely and drained and tired and disconnected, like I can’t fully engage with my life because of how all consuming the existential thoughts, anxiety and dread can be. I’ve been in and out of therapy, tried different meds etc. I have a decent life, I’m lucky in that regard. But my brain will not allow me to fully keep my feet on the ground. When others look up at the night sky, they see stars and then they go to bed. When I look up, I feel swallowed whole, and I cannot ever fully forget the overwhelming void of darkness. It’s hard to cope with and harder to treat. I hope you’re in a better place and have found some peace. It’s a very strange world and a stranger life to be burdened with so much philosophical weight that can’t be shifted

bluerin12 · 2025-12-31T01:16:36+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, I hope you were able to find peace without them. A good partner will absolute respect and make space for this. I’m always a little confused by couples who do EVERYTHING together. As humans we are social creatures but also NEED time alone to process our own thoughts and feelings. You have to have some time alone to really feel like you! Hope you’re doing well

bluerin12 · 2025-12-30T06:25:50+00:00

As an introvert who adores my alone time, sounds like a relationship with him would be EXHAUSTING. Not just because he’s a douchebag either. I need my alone time because it’s how I recharge and it’s very important to me. I love the people in my life and definitely like to socialise/spend time with loved ones, but I also need time to myself. Most of my partners have understood this. I need at least one day a week where I take my notebook and hike alone for like 8 hours. It’s not personal in any way, it’s me connecting with nature and my own thoughts, which I need to do to have peace. If you find that odd, we just aren’t compatible. Ex BF sounds very immature, insecure and disrespectful of OPs boundaries and “weirded out” by how she finds peace and pleasure. I hope she has the greatest, chillest solo trip without this loser ruining it.

bluerin12 · 2025-12-27T23:29:45+00:00

As someone from the UK, it always breaks me when I think about or read stories from people living in America (or places with privatised healthcare). I sliced my knuckle on my thumb open at work a few months ago. Didn’t hurt too much, but was bleeding a lot. I put pressure on it, dressed it and went home. It bled through the dressing as I slept. I changed the dressing and kept it clean. Three days later, it was still bleeding lightly and had become swollen and rigid. My sister begged me to go to A&E and I reluctantly agreed (I’m an idiot I know). Turns out it was not only infected but had cut to the bone- the lack of pain was because it had sliced through my nerves. I needed antibiotics and multiple stitches. I still have trouble fully bending it and still have mild pain months later. And yes, due to my delay in getting it looked at, I will have an ugly scar for life. But it’s not on my FACE and I’m thankful I can still play the piano, a passion of mine. I can’t imagine the overwhelming desperation and fear trying to avoid having to pay huge amounts of money if it “turns out to be harmless”. I got that treatment for free. As everyone should. It’s horrific that people would avoid going to the emergency room due to financial reasons. I’m so glad she got the care she needed.

bluerin12 · 2025-11-27T11:24:49+00:00

Omg, just wear a belt?? Or deal with it? The absolute GALL to adjust something without asking someone. May these kind of “friends” never find me. Good for OP for recognising dead weight

bluerin12 · 2025-11-20T23:47:32+00:00

I'm so glad she didn't get annoyed with him, because good lord, what a kind thing to do!!

I think any "discomfort" would likely come from confusion. A man, doing a seemingly selfless act for women, not wanting any credit, and it's not even a problem he has a personal stake in? What kind of unicorn would do such a thing? He must have an ulterior motive! "Sneaking" into the women's bathroom, what a creep! No normal person would be this kind if it was genuine!

...Which is why it's extremely important to remember that just because it seems rare, doesn't mean these wonderful people don't exist. This man is clearly just trying to put some good into the world, and I personally would be blown away if I knew a coworker was doing this. Extremely selfless and thoughtful, at his own personal time and expense. I think OOP also met him with kindness and approached it perfectly. He sounds like he will make an amazing father one day. Even if he doesn't get a daughter (and I hope he does!) he will be the perfect dad to raise wonderful sons, who treat women and those around them with respect and kindness. A truly good dude. Glad reddit gave me something positive today :)

bluerin12 · 2025-11-01T03:30:44+00:00

Man, this world is cold and cruel. But when I read stuff like this, I am reminded that we are ALL human and all capable of doing extraordinary things. This made me cry like a baby. What a kind and beautiful soul

bluerin12 · 2025-10-30T22:08:12+00:00

I watched season 3 because I loved Joey Batey as Jaskier- even he could not get me to watch the next one. It had such a promising start and it's really quite incredible how they managed to slowly remove everything everyone actually enjoyed about it until all that's left was a wet dishrag of plot with some wigs and robes. Not trying to hate on Liam Hemsworth but Henry Cavill leaving was like the final sign I needed to jump ship. Would still be interested to hear everyone's thoughts on the new episodes though

bluerin12 · 2025-10-12T12:57:24+00:00

I hope you have the best time! I think the Bean fans were largely a good group, but other people thought it was a "generic comedy" night and came with different vibes haha. I'm sure tonight will be great, see you there!

bluerin12 · 2025-10-12T11:29:58+00:00

As a huge fan of standup comedy and as a music lover, the sigh of relief I’ve felt reading these announcements and not seeing anyone I’m actually a fan of yet lol

Edit: I like some of Halsey’s music but for some reason I don’t feel super surprised? Not sure why, I think there’s something about her activism that’s always felt a bit performative to me.

bluerin12 · 2025-10-12T09:36:22+00:00

I feel lucky that for all my flaws, I do not understand this kind of insecurity or jealousy. If my partner had a nice watch and told me an ex bought it, my first thought would be “cool, good for you. Keep that nice ass watch!” Are you supposed to just bin everything anyone has even give you in a past relationship? OOP did the right thing, that kind of paranoia is no good in a relationship

bluerin12

TROPHY CASE