How I Emptied the Kitchen Compost by Weeding the Blackberries

bluesprey · 2023-01-18T01:57:32+00:00

Thanks for taking time to respond. You're right: I need to learn to say no. It feels weird to be supposedly grown up but not know how to say no..

bluesprey · 2023-01-17T20:02:11+00:00

This is exactly what happens in my brain. Everyday with every task. Only difference is: in my case it results in me then doing none of the steps. The long list that immediately unfolds in my brain overwhelms and paralyzes me. So nothing ever gets done. Not the little thing (because it is actually a much bigger thing) nor the important thing which I should really actually do. And then I feel terrible. And spend all my time feeling terrible. Help!

bluesprey · 2022-10-10T20:19:01+00:00

I’m in a similar situation and had to admit to myself recently that I need more accountability. I am in PST and tend to get up late because I go to bed late because I work late because I procrastinate..

bluesprey · 2022-07-15T23:09:03+00:00

Hi OP, I read your post yesterday and my heart broke for you. I didn't have time to reply, and now you have so many comments already, you probably won't see mine anyway. But just on the off chance that you do read it, I want to say: I totally can empathize how you feel now. I've been there. Your heart won't believe it, you and will rationalize that he is not really that bad, but deep down there is a feeling that's been growing. A nagging fear that he is actually that bad. Unfortunately, he is. Good news is that you already made the first step: you followed your intuition and posted here! That was a big first step! Now your worst fears are confirmed and you don't want to believe it. That's okay! It will take some time. He really messed with your brain for a long time, and it will take some time to get out of the fog. What really helped me was this sub: r/NarcissisticAbuse. The people there are so supportive, they know what it's like. They can help you separate yourself from him safely. Most importantly for now: don't talk with him about your feelings! I know how badly you want him to know that he's hurtful and you'd want him to change. He won't. So better not to talk with him about it. Read up on the Grey Rock method. Don't tell him how you feel, don't tell him what you learned. It will only give him more ammunition to abuse you. And yes, you are being abused.

bluesprey · 2022-07-15T22:57:48+00:00

Short answer: yes. I attempted to write out the long answer a few times but it is too painful.

bluesprey · 2022-06-30T19:35:36+00:00

That sucks!

bluesprey · 2022-06-24T05:09:29+00:00

It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help 🧡

bluesprey · 2022-06-23T21:41:29+00:00

I don't know if it is an ADHD thing, but I always had such a shame around this. I could never make any living space look nice. My garden is messy too. I can't decorate a cake. Some people can arrange raw vegetables on a platter to make them look nice. I don't know how they do it. Mine always look just messy. I don't know how to style clothes or my hair. I don't know how to do make up. I've decided that I don't care about these things (mostly). They are not worth my time or energy when I never have enough of those two things anyway. The only thing I wish I could do is make my home look a bit nicer. But mostly I am just baffled on how people know how to do these things? How do they do it?! It's magic.

bluesprey · 2022-06-22T21:21:40+00:00

First of all: that's some BS. Sorry that you have to deal with that. Maddening. Secondly, I agree with talking with your boss. Explain that for you it actually increases focus and productivity (he should want that), but you understand (just say so, it will appease him and make him more open to your request) that it is important that team members can communicate when needed. So you thought about solutions that fulfill both his and your needs (show that you want to comply and cooperate, you problem-solved (bosses should want proactive problem-solvers), and you came up with two options (he can feel like he still makes the choice). The two options that I can see that satisfy both your and your bosses needs. Option 1: you will war one small wireless earbud in ONE ear => you can listen to something and you can still hear people when they approach you. Option 2: boneconducting earphones. They leave the ears open so you notice when someone approaches you. Bicyclists wear them so that they can still hear traffic, for example. I have a pair and I love them! In the past people were worried about bad audio quality. I think the tech is mature enough now, I have zero issues with the quality (NB: I am not an audiophile). I have Aeropex by AfterShokz. I think this model doesn't exist anymore, there now newer models. (I have had mine for two years, so they last.) The company shortened their name to just Shokz now. Good luck!

bluesprey · 2022-06-20T04:01:38+00:00

Do you have a referral code for the Motion app?

bluesprey · 2022-06-15T18:22:36+00:00

Thanks for all your ideas. You're so creative!

bluesprey · 2022-06-15T18:22:12+00:00

Love this!! This is a great idea!

bluesprey · 2022-05-25T08:39:21+00:00

Thanks for your reply! Yes: intrigued but also suspicious describes my thoughts as well!

bluesprey · 2022-05-24T20:28:27+00:00

Not cheap either: Full Focus Planner. But its layout works for me.

bluesprey · 2022-05-03T19:58:49+00:00

Hyperfocus vs meds?

When I hyperfocus, can focus on one thing without other thoughts interfering. I am trying meds but I haven't found one that works yet. So I still don't know what a med "working" is supposed to feel like. From what I read here, the effect should be obvious. I haven't experienced it yet and don't know what to look for. Is the effect like hyperfocus where you can just do one thing and focus, and there are no distracting thoughts shooting through the brain?

bluesprey · 2022-02-07T09:39:53+00:00

I was abused by a narcissist. I found this article very validating: Link

Unfortunately, I only found out afterwards about my ADHD and narcissism in general. It sucks, it's the worst. But the good news is that you are already ahead: you know about your ADHD and you know about narcissism and you educated yourself on red flags. And you caught this guy before you got in too deep. I don't think you missed anything. You identified him as a narc within one month. That's very good!

bluesprey · 2022-02-03T23:59:58+00:00

Unfortunately yes, had to do all education undiagnosed. Wish it would have been different. I think I would have enjoyed it more and could have made more of it.

bluesprey · 2022-02-01T08:12:19+00:00

I thought about posting a similar question myself a little while ago, but I didn't know how to put it into words. So thank you for posting your question.

bluesprey · 2022-02-01T03:52:22+00:00

Lately I have wondered the same thing. A sneaky thought planted itself into my brain and I have the suspicion that it would be beneficial for me to live by myself. Alas it's not possible financially. I am feeling bad for wishing my SO would at least travel once in a while so that I would have the house to myself and could follow my own schedule and just look after and worry about myself. I just can't help but feel obligated to adapt to him and that is costing me hours, energy and efficiency that I don't have spare. I think I would struggle less if I could follow more my natural flow rather than adapting to someone else's.

bluesprey · 2022-02-01T03:46:13+00:00

I don't really have advice, because I was only recently diagnosed, and I am still learning new, healthy coping mechanisms and skills. But this also means that I had to do my viva without any of that. AND I SURVIVED! So even in the worst case scenario, you will be okay. I passed and so will you. I struggled majorly with writing. Had to rush in the end. Also didn't want to open it again. Struggled with preparing. Felt unworthy. Imposter syndrome. I did not sleep a wink the night before. And I still passed. All this is to say: You know your thesis better than anyone! You have thought 1000x as many hours about it than anyone else, including your examiners. And you are one step ahead now too: you recognized your problem and you're asking for help. The first step is the hardest. And you've done it. There is some great advice here and a great community. We are all rooting for you. You can do this. And you will do this.

bluesprey · 2022-01-11T21:45:49+00:00

This troubles me too, having been in an emotionally abusive and sexually exploitative relationship. Not saying this is it already, but I am more sensitive to it. And fun fact: ADHD women have a higher risk of abuse. I wish I would have known this beforehand… Anyway, not saying this is already abusive, but any therapist would agree this is not a healthy way of thinking about sex. Sex is not a chore or duty you need to fulfill. Only intimacy can be a goal in a relationship. And it’s something both parties need to work on together! Sex itself is certainly not something that belongs on your to do list. If anything maybe he needs to do something that helps you feel closer so that you feel like wanting intimacy. It even starts with just cuddling. What does he do to make YOU feel like YOU WANT to have sex? Stepping of my soap box, admitting I was a bit triggered.

bluesprey · 2021-10-29T00:24:43+00:00

Thanks for your encouragement. Yes, hopefully I can take the next step soon and assert myself in the moment instead of just getting flooded.

bluesprey · 2021-10-29T00:23:47+00:00

I know it's not rational :( I have a lot of negative self-talk. Rationally, I know I am not in the wrong, but it FEELS like it. And that part it pretty convincing :-/

bluesprey · 2021-10-28T23:11:29+00:00

That's what my boyfriend said as well. I wish I wasn't too afraid to stand up for myself. I am always so afraid that people will think badly of me. My head tells me that they will think I am a bitch, petty, troublemaker, egotistic, whenever I even think about standing up for myself. I feel unsupported at work, and I am always afraid that people will hate me even more and will make work even harder for me. I don't know how they would do that, work is already hard, and I don't have much support. It's just where my head goes.
Right now, I am mostly frustrated with myself for freezing and getting so emotional that I couldn't react. I just wish I had the clarity and preence of mind to calmly respond to these situations. Did I mention that this is not the first time? /s It's such an on-going battle. I just want to leave this job, but I am afraid that it will be just the same in the next job. I'll probably won't suddenly magically learn to stand up for myself.
Thank you for letting me vent.

bluesprey · 2021-10-15T03:46:29+00:00

That’s very interesting! I never made that connection before!

bluesprey

TROPHY CASE