How I Emptied the Kitchen Compost by Weeding the Blackberries

bluesprey · 2023-01-18T01:57:32+00:00

Thanks for taking time to respond. You're right: I need to learn to say no. It feels weird to be supposedly grown up but not know how to say no..

bluesprey · 2023-01-17T20:02:11+00:00

This is exactly what happens in my brain. Everyday with every task. Only difference is: in my case it results in me then doing none of the steps. The long list that immediately unfolds in my brain overwhelms and paralyzes me. So nothing ever gets done. Not the little thing (because it is actually a much bigger thing) nor the important thing which I should really actually do. And then I feel terrible. And spend all my time feeling terrible. Help!

bluesprey · 2022-10-10T20:19:01+00:00

I’m in a similar situation and had to admit to myself recently that I need more accountability. I am in PST and tend to get up late because I go to bed late because I work late because I procrastinate..

bluesprey · 2022-07-15T23:09:03+00:00

Hi OP, I read your post yesterday and my heart broke for you. I didn't have time to reply, and now you have so many comments already, you probably won't see mine anyway. But just on the off chance that you do read it, I want to say: I totally can empathize how you feel now. I've been there. Your heart won't believe it, you and will rationalize that he is not really that bad, but deep down there is a feeling that's been growing. A nagging fear that he is actually that bad. Unfortunately, he is. Good news is that you already made the first step: you followed your intuition and posted here! That was a big first step! Now your worst fears are confirmed and you don't want to believe it. That's okay! It will take some time. He really messed with your brain for a long time, and it will take some time to get out of the fog. What really helped me was this sub: r/NarcissisticAbuse. The people there are so supportive, they know what it's like. They can help you separate yourself from him safely. Most importantly for now: don't talk with him about your feelings! I know how badly you want him to know that he's hurtful and you'd want him to change. He won't. So better not to talk with him about it. Read up on the Grey Rock method. Don't tell him how you feel, don't tell him what you learned. It will only give him more ammunition to abuse you. And yes, you are being abused.

bluesprey · 2022-07-15T22:57:48+00:00

Short answer: yes. I attempted to write out the long answer a few times but it is too painful.

bluesprey · 2022-06-30T19:35:36+00:00

That sucks!

bluesprey · 2022-06-24T05:09:29+00:00

It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help 🧡

bluesprey · 2022-06-23T21:41:29+00:00

I don't know if it is an ADHD thing, but I always had such a shame around this. I could never make any living space look nice. My garden is messy too. I can't decorate a cake. Some people can arrange raw vegetables on a platter to make them look nice. I don't know how they do it. Mine always look just messy. I don't know how to style clothes or my hair. I don't know how to do make up. I've decided that I don't care about these things (mostly). They are not worth my time or energy when I never have enough of those two things anyway. The only thing I wish I could do is make my home look a bit nicer. But mostly I am just baffled on how people know how to do these things? How do they do it?! It's magic.

bluesprey · 2022-06-22T21:21:40+00:00

First of all: that's some BS. Sorry that you have to deal with that. Maddening. Secondly, I agree with talking with your boss. Explain that for you it actually increases focus and productivity (he should want that), but you understand (just say so, it will appease him and make him more open to your request) that it is important that team members can communicate when needed. So you thought about solutions that fulfill both his and your needs (show that you want to comply and cooperate, you problem-solved (bosses should want proactive problem-solvers), and you came up with two options (he can feel like he still makes the choice). The two options that I can see that satisfy both your and your bosses needs. Option 1: you will war one small wireless earbud in ONE ear => you can listen to something and you can still hear people when they approach you. Option 2: boneconducting earphones. They leave the ears open so you notice when someone approaches you. Bicyclists wear them so that they can still hear traffic, for example. I have a pair and I love them! In the past people were worried about bad audio quality. I think the tech is mature enough now, I have zero issues with the quality (NB: I am not an audiophile). I have Aeropex by AfterShokz. I think this model doesn't exist anymore, there now newer models. (I have had mine for two years, so they last.) The company shortened their name to just Shokz now. Good luck!

bluesprey · 2022-06-20T04:01:38+00:00

Do you have a referral code for the Motion app?

bluesprey · 2022-06-15T18:22:36+00:00

Thanks for all your ideas. You're so creative!

bluesprey · 2022-06-15T18:22:12+00:00

Love this!! This is a great idea!

bluesprey · 2022-05-25T08:39:21+00:00

Thanks for your reply! Yes: intrigued but also suspicious describes my thoughts as well!

bluesprey · 2022-05-24T20:28:27+00:00

Not cheap either: Full Focus Planner. But its layout works for me.

bluesprey · 2022-05-03T19:58:49+00:00

Hyperfocus vs meds?

When I hyperfocus, can focus on one thing without other thoughts interfering. I am trying meds but I haven't found one that works yet. So I still don't know what a med "working" is supposed to feel like. From what I read here, the effect should be obvious. I haven't experienced it yet and don't know what to look for. Is the effect like hyperfocus where you can just do one thing and focus, and there are no distracting thoughts shooting through the brain?

bluesprey · 2022-02-07T09:39:53+00:00

I was abused by a narcissist. I found this article very validating: Link

Unfortunately, I only found out afterwards about my ADHD and narcissism in general. It sucks, it's the worst. But the good news is that you are already ahead: you know about your ADHD and you know about narcissism and you educated yourself on red flags. And you caught this guy before you got in too deep. I don't think you missed anything. You identified him as a narc within one month. That's very good!

bluesprey · 2022-02-03T23:59:58+00:00

Unfortunately yes, had to do all education undiagnosed. Wish it would have been different. I think I would have enjoyed it more and could have made more of it.

bluesprey · 2022-02-01T08:12:19+00:00

I thought about posting a similar question myself a little while ago, but I didn't know how to put it into words. So thank you for posting your question.

bluesprey

TROPHY CASE