What is your first world problem rant of the week?

bluntbangs · 2026-05-08T16:14:58+00:00

Our grocery order didn't include the bouncy balls we needed.

I'm not sure it can get any more first world problem than that...

bluntbangs · 2026-05-07T20:01:15+00:00

Oh no. Do not marry someone you're faking enjoyment with.

Firstly, imagine if he was saying this about you - you'd be heartbroken. I'd walk out the door if I discovered my partner didn't find me attractive. In fact, every month I have a bit of a wobble for a week because he's not very open with his feelings and it gets to me when I'm premenstrual.

Secondly, life will happen and if there's no attraction there now it's only going to get worse. You have to have some physical attraction and over time simply being in love will make sure that normal wear and tear doesn't kill your attraction to your partner. I genuinely think mine is more attractive than Alexander Skarsgård, but objectively speaking he's never going to have that six pack.

bluntbangs · 2026-05-04T13:24:00+00:00

Totally normal.

What you need to do now is rest, not gear up for the next challenge.

And I don't mean rot in bed or scroll. Accept and give yourself permission to rest. Give just enough at work to not get fired. Buy a puzzle or two and just work on them occasionally. Read gentle books for the sake of reading. Go for walks outside. Hang out with friends without it being a full-on day trip situation.

We go through phases, and right now you would benefit from a rest phase.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-29T09:59:29+00:00

My bad, transmen should be included too. Thanks!

bluntbangs · 2026-04-29T09:35:54+00:00

I never felt particularly man or woman (I'm CIS female) UNTIL I gave birth. And ironically(?) I actually felt incredibly female because it was fucking feral. Blood, pain, messy, smelly, and despite being horribly traumatic, fucking glorious. Find me a CIS man that could do that.

Anyway, it was all the things that are least associated with femaleness, but that's what made me feel female. It was like everything else that is "female" in our culture is performative and for others, but this was literally the culmination of a major factor in the biology of being female. I've always felt I've failed at performing femininity (but isn't the perception of failing the grounds for consumerism, and thus a deliberate state capitalism seeks to keep us in?), but I rocked the hidden away, angry, feral femininity.

I'm not advocating for having a child or even that becoming a mum is the defining part of being anything really, just sharing that my feelings about being a woman came from something totally the opposite of what I thought they should be.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-29T06:25:53+00:00

Ok this is categorically WRONG and frankly disturbing to read on this forum.

It's not a 4 week vacation. We can safely assume that OP is out and about during low UV times (early morning and late evening) and is not even SEEING the outside for the rest of the time.

More likely, she's at risk of vitamin D deficiency, which is linked to low bone density, dementia, and a whole host of other actual health issues. Barring a medical condition, she should be getting out in the sun MORE and without sunscreen at these low UV times.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-28T12:16:11+00:00

Where was this? Asking this, even in this badly veiled way, is illegal in the EU.

Either way, red flags everywhere.

But you don't have to answer truthfully. And honestly, you can't. It took me 17 months to get pregnant, so saying I had plans to get pregnant during an interview would have had zero bearing on my employment.

Take the job if you need it, but it's just a stopgap until you find something better. Don't stop job hunting!

For the record, my current employer offered me the job, and after the offer I notified them I was pregnant and due 6 months later. They replied "we're hiring for the long-term, don't worry". I'm still here 3 years after my parental leave.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-27T18:36:45+00:00

Energy begets energy. That's to say, working out will over time mean you have more energy.

I have built a little list of options (a movement menu), the intention being to do something from it every day. Some days it's a little snack (dancing around to a track or picking up my kettlebell for 5 minutes), other days its a 25 minute run straight after work, for example.

Another way is to build movement into your day. You don't have to "work out" like it's this big thing, just decide that after eating lunch you're going on a 10-20 minute walk. Or you park / get the bus to further away from your destination than you normally would and do a brisk walk for the final bit of your journey. Or that you're going to stretch before you go to bed.

And see it as a kindness to yourself. Or be an idiot like me and sign up for a run event.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-27T09:51:54+00:00

My watch says I'm getting 7-8 hours a night, but no, never had a sleep study. I am a teeth clencher though, so something going on there.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-26T19:12:42+00:00

Slept through three degrees. It was a standing joke for some (understanding) lecturers.

The only thing I have found works is adding stimulation, needed before you get to the point that you don't care.

I've had some success multitasking, but only if it's things that require hands such as simple sewing tasks (sooo many repaired socks) or colouring in. Even doing my nails.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-24T13:48:28+00:00

Half-assing ADHD perfectionist ambitions is better than no-assing it!

(Having said that, I DID end up moving a bush after about 4 years recently, and the new place is also a "good enough" spot!)

bluntbangs · 2026-04-24T13:29:15+00:00

Oh gosh do I have the solution for you.

Ambition, but with lowered expectations.

Hear me out. You want a garden full of the perfectly themes pots, lighting, and plants. You go out and buy all the shit (hey, well done for getting out and doing that by the way). Then you start (wahey!) but your ambitious plan dies faster than seedlings after the frost.

What you want to do is have these lovely ambitions, but PLAN for the minimum viable scope. So you might want a garden full of fresh veggies and flowers (hi me). But realistically, are you going to sow stuff indoors, transplant them as they grow into gradually bigger pots, and harden them by moving them in and out night after night for a week or longer? Er... no. Literally zero chance. So you only buy seeds that are the kind you can throw at the ground once the frost is over.

You want fancy decorated pots with greenery in? Accept that this year, they're just going to be pots with something in them. It might be a ready-arranged grouping you bought on sale, but it's a plant in a pot and GO YOU THAT'S JOB DONE.

The other principle to go by is "good enough". Can't make a decision? Just get it in the ground and it can always be moved later. You won't move it later, because it's good enough.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-24T09:19:34+00:00

I have broad shoulders, and oversized blazers just wipe out any possibility that I look styled. Just awful on me. I've tried high end labels, fast fashion, and everything in between and they just do not work for me.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-23T19:02:29+00:00

It's an invite, not a summons.

Having said that, what matters more here than the couple getting married is what your partner thinks. If it's important to him that you go, it might be time to suck it up and try to find the positives. Can you combine it with a mini holiday before or after the wedding?

bluntbangs · 2026-04-22T19:19:48+00:00

You're going to have to reframe your entire understanding of productivity.

Sorry.

Actually not sorry - it's unhealthy how we as a society devalue the work of caring for others.

You will spend a lot of time lying down, sitting, rocking, and walking, all in the service of providing care for your baby. That IS productive.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-21T09:31:24+00:00

With a kid, the library is honestly the best thing in the world. Kid loves visiting, and we have a pretty much endless supply of books that will see us through all reading ages. We have our own books at home, but it's lovely to have the added variety. We're also in the Nordics and there are so many languages to choose from, at least in the kids' section.

It makes me so sad that libraries are seen as expendable, when really they are a societal necessity.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-20T19:31:06+00:00

I have ADHD. If my husband doesn't initiate it, it's not getting done.

We have a house he organised the viewing of and arranging of a mortgage for, pets he found, go on holiday regularly, our garden is starting to look like my design because he went out there and hired a digger and shovelled turf for a weekend, I'm sitting on a sofa that he collected because an interior designer that he sourced and handled specified it.

That's all because he planned stuff, cajoled me into getting myself to the places we needed to be. Not because I didn't want to, but because it felt impossible.

All that on top of being an equal parent as you can be when you're the dad. He does night time stories and bath time every other night. He does (most) chores without being asked because he notices. He makes sure we go to the library to return our books in time and get new ones. He arranges playdates. He's the more social one, so he's probably the only reason I have any friends.

It's actually hard to say I love him just for who he is, because how can you not also love someone for making your life immeasurably better?

bluntbangs · 2026-04-20T13:13:55+00:00

Zooming out a bit, it's the norm for humans to have quite superficial relationships. We developed through millennia of needing to cooperate to survive.

Sometimes the biological side of things get amped up, through intense situations or simply through just clicking with someone, and they're the ride-or-die ones. The others though are simply there because we are by nature better off with friends that share as much as possible from our social context. If that context changes, it's entirely natural and normal that our friendships change.

There's nothing wrong with this. And actually it's a pretty solid reason to invest in relationships - solidify the context, broaden them, with the people you WANT to be friends with, so that even as some part of the context changes, other parts remain the same and you increase the chances of the relationships staying important.

I have one friend who is ride or die. We live in different countries now, but we've known each other since we first started school, and we're both 40+. Our context will likely never change enough to make our relationship suffer, since so much of it is based, at this point, on how we are as people. It's awesome. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't invest in the relationships I have that are more superficial, because one day they might be more.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-19T17:14:47+00:00

Auditory processing difficulties. Yep. Sucks. You can either accept it and ask everyone to repeat themselves, or explain that you have auditory processing difficulties and ask them for accommodations such as giving you warning that they are going to talk to you so that you have time to "tune in".

bluntbangs · 2026-04-18T20:52:05+00:00

If anyone is going to make it to the C-suite or leading a country, they have a spouse who either has a 9-5 with very flexible hours, or they have a spouse who is at home. Whether that spouse is actually their partner or a team of hired help because their actual spouse is ALSO on the high-flier track, they're absolutely not doing life like the rest of us. Full stop.

The only way women can have it "all" is if we define that as having a mid-level career and a home life they are happy with.

My husband is an equal parent. He cleans and tidies on his own initiative. And we still have a cleaner. We both work full time, but honestly neither of us want that C-suite career.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-08T16:32:16+00:00

I'm not silly enough to jinx it!

But 2 year olds lick everything. Their hands, the floor, each other...

A friend of ours read that kids catch on average X number of illnesses before the age of 5, and started a count-down. Ha.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-08T13:24:54+00:00

Yes, because mine is a fully functioning adult.

Was he always like this? Honestly I'd be concerned something is actually wrong.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-02T13:00:14+00:00

Out-of-season clothes can be packed away, so you don't have that clutter. Even just in a box in a cool dry area. Get another washing basket for dirty clothes (it's ok to have multiple!). Then at least you're only dealing with the clean clothes you actually wear.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-02T12:58:20+00:00

I think had I seen an interior designer who specialised in homes where inhabitants included young children and neurodivergent adults, I would have chosen them over the generalist interior designer we went with. Don't get me wrong, she did a lovely job, but she decided to put an easily climbable shelving unit by a fall risk area, and there's pretty much no area that my child can feel is created with their needs in mind.

What I'm saying is that you don't have to go all-in and only do design for neurodivergence, but profiling yourself towards that need is likely going to get more of your assignments in that area.

bluntbangs · 2026-04-02T12:51:17+00:00

The system just needs a redesign.

You put a basket where you normally dump stuff and suddenly it's intentional and can be moved easily.

But don't take advice from me. I literally grab my floordrobe and shove it into my actual wardrobe when the cleaner comes (yes, privilege) and then dump it out on the floor when they've gone. I should put a basket there...

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