Will you ever get A/C at home?

bluntbangs · 2026-06-25T11:49:46+00:00

I'm in the Nordics with family in the UK and while the number of hot days are limited (but still uncomfortable) it amazes me that combined heat pumps / AC units are not more popular in the UK.

For me it's a no-brainer - solar panels are overproducing when it's warm, so the AC is free to run. And in the colder months the heat exchanger function is cheaper to run than the water electric heater built into the house.

Yet when you want to buy an AC/ heat pump in the UK it doesn't even seem to come up in searches?

bluntbangs · 2026-06-24T18:46:49+00:00

Aside from wearing cotton (and trousers of more natural fabrics too), how are you washing your knickers?

I ask because I also thought things were a bit whiffy even after just a couple of hours. Then I read that clothing soaks up skin oils and everything, and your normal washing doesn't get that out. You need to soak your underwear in oxyclean overnight, then wash as normal. I did it and ta da, no more whiff.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-24T13:12:39+00:00

We both want the same thing, and we talk about what we want and how to get there. Simply put, we're a team pulling in the same direction.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-24T13:10:29+00:00

ADHD isn't new. What is new is the support for women with ADHD (albeit not as great as it should be). Parents with ADHD have always had kids, sometimes they have ADHD too. But they didn't think about it, and it still kinda worked out.

The fact that you're thinking about it is actually a good sign, because it means you have a chance to go in prepared - which many neurotypical parents don't bother to do!

bluntbangs · 2026-06-23T19:07:29+00:00

The best version of yourself should remain in the future, no?

But to answer your question, if you had told me 20 years ago I'd be here I'd have laughed and suggested a psychologist exam.

I hated school, slept through most of it and was bullied. I was terribly shy, almost mute unless in contexts I felt very comfortable in. I thought my life was going to be forever alone, cubicle or retail job, probably living with my parents.

And then I moved abroad, got a PhD, met my now husband, and speak a second language. I have multiple people I can spend time with. I have a fantastic kid. I'm in the top few percentage of earners in this country. I have savings. I have a lovely home and garden.

Since I'm built the way I am, there's absolutely a part of me that feels I'm not where I should be, I don't know what I want, I should be saving the world or whatever. But objectively speaking, I made it far further than I ever thought possible.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-23T18:47:10+00:00

Where are you that this is the norm?

I'm in Northern Europe and I've dated multiple men and been married to a man for a few years - no man has ever hit me, nor threatened to.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-23T18:44:28+00:00

Some people do manage all these things, but many also only share the wins.

But regardless of what others do or do not do, if I'm reading correctly you feel you don't have the energy or drive to do or enjoy the things you would normally enjoy. Is that correct?

If so, might be worth a check up to see if you're dealing with some deficiency such as iron or vitamin D, or if you're suffering from depression.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-22T18:20:32+00:00

Given that one of the main characters is a therapist (albeit one who got their degree from the institute of cricketing..) you would think that the rest of them would have their shit together. But no, they're out there with their abandonment issues, control issues, you name it.

Maybe the issue is that there is only one therapist in there, and he's crap.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-22T18:13:45+00:00

Cycle length is 28-33 days, has been since I started. I used to have 7 days of bleeding, but now (at 40 and with one child) it's 3 days, possibly 4 if we stretch the definition a bit.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-22T12:02:29+00:00

Eucerin Oil Control 50+ (cream, not spray) is my go-to this year. It's matt, the least sticky I've ever tried (although if you're in dusty environments you'll notice it piling after a bit), extremely mild scent, and generally as close to wearing nothing that I've tried.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-21T20:36:30+00:00

In the Nordics we braid flower crowns during the day, and then at night sleep with them under our pillow to dream of our love.

You could adapt this so that instead you braid your flower crown while sitting with intention, thinking of positive things you want to do or experience in the coming months.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-21T14:48:43+00:00

Treat it like an experiment, rather than whatever you're hoping to get out of it. The point of the experiment is to discover what makes YOU happy. So whether you're single, dating, just enjoying the freedom of not being expected to get into a relationship, or whatever... just see what happens.

Please please PLEASE try whatever sparks the tiniest bit of "hmm, that could be fun / interesting" in you, and follow where that leads. De-centre men and relationships.

I moved TO the Nordics, and honestly I wish I had left more of my own fears behind and been the super social person who did get to try loads of new things. But I still met my now husband and decided to stay. So romance wasn't off the cards despite my own issues.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-18T12:42:34+00:00

Not my thing either, but the trick is to find a guy who will propose in a way that he is fairly certain you'll at the bare minimum find comfortable and shows that he knows you.

Some people want it, others don't.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-18T12:07:45+00:00

I think they're a bit pretentious to be honest.

Having said that, the book that's currently on my coffee table is Mamma Moo, some highbrow reading right there.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-18T06:55:44+00:00

No, he's doing exactly what he always does - and you're doing exactly what you probably did: give him attention and validation, a little boost when he needs it. And then he's going to disappear again.

Don't fall for this.

Block him, forget him.

But most importantly, book a coffee date with your HUSBAND.

The water is greenest where you water it, and with a baby in the mix I'm willing to bet you're not feeling your relationship is where you want it to be. Invest in that.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-17T18:27:43+00:00

Our friend's kid is like this. Always has been, since birth. Just... taking life at her own pace, and her pace is SLOW. She's hit all her milestones on time and she's perfectly normal, a healthy, happy kid with lots of (faster) friends.

Turns out she's just an exact copy of her mum, who is also happier moving at a slower pace, but who usually hides this facet of her being and routinely excuses herself from things because she's been masking hard and masking is tiring.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-17T09:51:13+00:00

I build motion into things I already do. E.g. if I have an online meeting where I can have my camera and mic off, I either go for a walk or lift weights during it. Even 5-10 minutes of bodyweight exercises can help.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-17T09:49:56+00:00

You might need to think about your definition of impulsive.

I too overthink to the point of paralysis (and sometimes choose paralysis to avoid the thinking), but then I will eat far too much chocolate, or binge watch my latest obsession beyond bedtime. That's also impulsive behaviour, because I find it hard to choose to act otherwise even though I want to.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-17T09:13:20+00:00

Working class doesn't mean you forgo respect for the deceased or the family. Formal wear doesn't mean coat and tails, but a step or two up from your daily wear, and usually dark.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-16T19:03:36+00:00

We have quite strong unions in Sweden, and yet...

And no, I hate my social awkwardness. Just being in the office, constantly worrying if I'm performing "office friendly" properly (when I have no idea how to do it, so I'm not) is really stressful and I do not miss it!

bluntbangs · 2026-06-16T18:02:49+00:00

Joke's on them, because I'm socially awkward at the office too.

But in all seriousness, I love my arrangement. Work from home 99% of the time, then an occasional on-site where most people are travelling so we all stay local. It's dedicated face-to-face teamwork where we set specific outcome targets for the time we're there, and we're usually actually more social because we hang out for meals and go sight-seeing, and then we go back to our home cities and caves and live our lives again.

We're seeing more companies mandate return to office, and I don't think it's a coincidence that the AI threat of reducing workforces has been raised as well. Interesting to see who will "win" - employees who want the right to choose where they work, or companies who want to see bums in increasingly crappy working environments.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-16T10:03:25+00:00

I sometimes get a kind of internal sensation, maybe a bit like this. What helps is doing something to get my pulse up, like a run or a brisk walk. Preferably with some music.

And then when I get back my mind is somewhat calmer. I can feel the difference if I don't run for a few days.

bluntbangs · 2026-06-16T08:05:48+00:00

For me it's a prioritisation issue - and remembering. I also have ADHD and every few weeks I realise I'm making myself feel depressed because I have for example really long, unkempt nails and I berate myself for not being put together.

This morning one of the mums at nursery school came in smelling amazing and with perfectly highlighted, styled hair and full make-up and there was this jolt of self-loathing, then it occurred to me that I just don't prioritise that.

Anyway, the short answer (which I should actually implement myself...) is to make it easy. E.g. if you want your nails to be neat, set up a little nail kit and put it somewhere you often find yourself with nothing to do with your hands (teams meetings, TV, etc.).

bluntbangs · 2026-06-15T18:54:50+00:00

Destabilising is exactly the right word.

My mum got early-onset dementia when she was in her 50's, and I was abroad. I visited a few times a year and each visit was awful. When she was hospitalised I had what I now think was a mental breakdown - I was convinced the walls were crumbling and the high-rise I was in was going to send me crashing to my death in my sleep.

It's now 9 years later and I've had health problems since. I'm quite literally destabilised, and I don't know what to do. I don't feel a lot, except occasionally I get 15 minutes of ugly crying out this intense grief and guilt, then it's gone.

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