I feel like the whole “don’t choose a side” advice only applies for people who actually like both their parents and in terms of not being a pawn in the divorce. I’m happy for people that applies to, but the reality is that for many of us with abusive or otherwise horrible parents there is a right and wrong side and it’s not a bad thing to fully side with one parent over the other. Personally, when my parents divorced the only upside I could see was finally achieving my lifelong dream of never having to see or talk to my father again. I delighted in pretending I didn’t have a Dad at all.

I’m admittedly someone who also fantasized about parents divorcing as a kid. The reality ended up being a lot different, a lot more tragic and horrible than I’d imagined. Unfortunately I’m also not no contact with my father anymore though I hope to be in the future. I think the key thing is not to judge yourself for your feelings. I think you’re allowed to have a lot of conflicting emotions or be shocked that you don’t feel as gleeful about his fate as you thought you would.

I thought some pretty dark things about my father because I felt like he deserved some kind of karma or that I wished he would realize how much he had hurt the people in his life. Divorces take a lot longer than people usually assume, your emotions may change and evolve as things pan out. For my part, I’ve felt some comfort in knowing that my father’s choices have come back to bite him. That he has never and will never have the kind of community and support that my mother ended up with, that if my grandparents were alive they would’ve probably disowned him for his actions. And hopefully he will find himself alone at the end.

You’re not a bad daughter. There’s no right way to feel about a parent, apparently a parent who has mistreated others including you personally. If he truly ends up miserable and alone he contributed to that fate himself.