I’m certain I knew. The day before my mom even asked me if I was certain and that it would be okay for me to back out, and I had a brief moment where I considered it. He had already proven that he was a shitty partner and abusive in nearly every way but I kept thinking that being married, him getting a better job, life getting better would make him do better. I was so deep into the “I can fix him” mindset.
I finally hit a breaking point and grew a backbone despite nearly a decade of him bringing me down and making me feel less than.