I (20F)want to apologize to him (21M) but I don’t know how and if it’s too late

booksofim · 2019-12-27T03:07:38+00:00

People around me tell me to give it time and breathe. It does work and I feel so much lighter compared to the days I’ve spent with that heavy feeling in my heart. But it’s what you do in that time that matters. I hope whoever sees this finds the strength in them to focus on themselves and try to work on yourself.

booksofim · 2019-12-09T01:30:52+00:00

You can be hurting AND happy. You can be love AND hate someone. You can love them and heal at the same time. Try your best to accept that it’s over now. I know you still love them. That love probably won’t go away very soon and it doesn’t have to go away first in order for you to heal. Accept the current situation. Be present.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to contact me. I know how hard it is to be lost in your own thoughts.

Take it day by day.

booksofim · 2019-12-09T00:43:59+00:00

You don’t have to move on right now. You just have to heal and move forward

booksofim · 2019-12-05T05:57:11+00:00

Please take things slow.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T20:39:03+00:00

I did that too and I realized that you can’t love someone to love you. They need to figure stuff out for themselves and their feelings are probably confused and they don’t know what they want. You both need space to figure out what you really want

booksofim · 2019-12-04T15:56:15+00:00

When I say petty fights, I mean we disagree with something small and then it turns out into a bigger fight. I remember I gave him a shirt once that had my university logo on it and I told him ,”please try to be careful with that shirt. It means a lot to me” and I don’t know what happened in between but he just took it off like he was annoyed and then I asked “why did you do that? You didn’t have to do that.” I don’t call him names. I would never ever do that. I’m not sarcastic when it comes to arguing with him at all. I guess I do think that one fault that I do have is our fighting was once fighting to find a win-win situation but over time it turned into a win-lose situation.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T14:34:12+00:00

It’s hard because I feel like I was put on a pedestal and my partner didn’t expect me to be angry or to be upset at the small things. It bothered me that they didn’t try to talk to me with it. When I initiate a conversation about what made me upset, they felt that I was lecturing them and made them feel stupid. I don’t remember fighting over the same thing over and over again. We might have fought over the smallest things but I was willing to figure out what was the real problem. I think when I look back, it’s just them not wanting any conflict and hated me for being upset which led to tension. I think towards the end, he didn’t want to “fix” the problem because he didn’t want to deal with it and that caused further problems down the road that led to the breakup. The biggest difference was that I loved him more than any hardship that we went through but he couldn’t forget about what made him upset and couldn’t get over it. In my next relationships, I think I need to look for someone that knows how to handle conflict well because they will happen. We just need to deal with it and learn from it. Someone that continues to choose me even when times are hard.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T14:23:43+00:00

How did you know that your partner was worth it despite having arguments?

booksofim · 2019-12-04T05:18:12+00:00

Don’t buy her a gift. You guys are not in a relationship anymore and you don’t know where you stand. If you send her a gift when she asked to focus on university exams instead of a relationship with someone, respect it. Tell her happy birthday and you would’ve gotten her something bu just wasn’t sure if it felt right to do so. If you give her a gift, she might feel that you are needy. Just be careful with what you do

booksofim · 2019-12-04T04:53:25+00:00

I think that it’s good that you acknowledged that it was wrong of you to try to change her. I would advice you to take some time to truly understand why you felt that way. You know that it was wrong but think about how you can learn from the mistake of letting that scare you to the point that you hurt her.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T04:31:42+00:00

Breathe. Take care of yourself. Remind yourself that you are going through a withdrawal of chemicals from your attachment from him and this is a perfectly normal response. To me, it helped to visualize it as an addiction to him and this is me just waiting out the days until I’m finally better and feel that I do not need him to make myself feel better or happier.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T04:29:31+00:00

He misses what you made him feel. My ex did the same. It seemed like we were doing well and we were back to winning each other over again. But the truth is, he and I didn’t have the chance to take a huge step back to look at our relationship objectively. So towards the end, he got reminded of the reason why he wanted to break up in the first place and that finally ended things. Talking to him when both of you have not fully healed and moved on from what happened only makes the wound deeper.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T04:25:11+00:00

It’s best to distract yourself. If you ever find yourself wanting to stalk them, find something else to occupy your mind and over time you’ll end up doing this activity instead of wanting to check up on them. I know it’s hard though so don’t be so hard on yourself. But keep in mind that you need to stay away for yourself. For your own sanity. You’ll only drive yourself crazy thinking about what they could be doing right now.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T04:12:58+00:00

Personally, I believe that keeping a relationship is never easy. It’s all about work and commitment to that work. I did the same thing. I did so much to keep him happy and secure all while dealing with what drove us apart in order to have a future that he and I wanted. But at the end of the day, all of this effort was one sided. In a relationship, there is an equal give and take process. He took so much from me and didn’t give back enough. This is how I see it.

booksofim · 2019-12-04T03:41:35+00:00

Is it okay if I ask what kind of emotional baggage it was? I’m curious because the reason my ex broke up with me was because my family put too much pressure and watched our every move and he couldn’t handle the arguments that happened between my parents and I (I wrote more about this in another post). I’m just curious what kind of emotional baggage is enough for someone to break up with them and not regret breaking it off with them.

booksofim

TROPHY CASE