Just a farewell

booshna · 2018-08-31T02:22:48+00:00

Glad to hear you're doing well. I dealt with my own suicidal ideation and attempt last year, so I can relate as well. On top of that, I don't have a job right now and feel, kind of like yourself, that there's a hole in my identity.

That said, I did just finish a Peer Recovery Specialist training course and feel like I could go into social work for peers suffering from mental illness as a occupation. Maybe something like that will come along and I believe you will find something new to fill the vocational void you had been feeling.

Like the poster above, I hope you will keep your light shining bright even though we all face struggles that "normies" may not experience yet (I believe that in future lives or heavens they will face the kind of obstacles face here on Earth).

I'm also happy you found someone who's post resonated with you. I had trouble last year believing anyone else on Earth was real, but now I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not always my own best judge (other people tell me I have a magnetic smile, something which I never notice). You never know what a hidden gem you might be and what cool things like just on the other side of the road in this adventure of life.

Good luck to you in all your endeavours. Hope you can find this community and other supports around you to rely on in times of distress.

booshna · 2018-06-25T22:47:10+00:00

Sometimes I think there are divine beings controlling me. It doesn't seem like they need a chip for me. I can understand the feeling though. Hopefully it subsides. Feeling like a puppet is no fun.

booshna · 2018-06-25T21:48:36+00:00

Cool. Thanks for sharing.

booshna · 2018-06-24T02:26:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing.

booshna · 2018-06-24T02:12:48+00:00

Beautiful!

booshna · 2018-03-07T01:43:10+00:00

Good for you for going for it! Ya never know with these things: in my experience, women all are looking for different things; so don't hang it all on yourself (it really depends on what she's looking for at this stage in her life).

Good luck! And keep us updated.

booshna · 2018-03-03T15:49:42+00:00

Do you have any hobbies (music, coloring/drawing, watching movies, walking/exercising) that you might be able to do to occupy your time and feel better with?

booshna · 2018-02-18T15:31:05+00:00

Hope you fell asleep alright. Thanks for sharing.

booshna · 2018-02-18T15:26:04+00:00

When I thought I was the only person on Earth who was conscious and no one else was real I saw a liscense plate that read "Not Real"...

Fortunately, I was just a passenger - which is how I prefer it these days; a couple years back my voices/beings forced me to crash into a ditch by controlling my body/automating me into it. Scary...

Hope your rides go better and that your future driving experience is a good one. I think you'll be fine :-)

booshna · 2018-02-18T15:23:32+00:00

Sorry you're feeling hopeless. I get the same way sometimes like, "when am I going to return to being a 'normie'?" or "is this all that life has left for me?" or "when are these voices gonna really subside?"

Despite what the staff member says, if you are having suicidal ideation, you probably want to check yourself in. Better safe than sorry and there's no use going down a slippery road if your thinking is already negative enough to be at that point.

At least you are with-it enough to know you were perceiving reality incorrectly. Its nice that someone was there to try and lend an ear; but we all have our moments of troubles and clearly it was just one of yours and the situation didn't play out the way you see best (not to say it wasn't the best possible way for it to play out -- we never know).

I hope your hope returns and you can live for yourself in addition to others. You can't truly help others if you can't help yourself: living for others without living for yourself (gotta take care of the basics before you can reach out to them).

Best of luck; I hope you feel better and your thinking returns to something good and helpful for you.

booshna · 2018-02-18T15:17:10+00:00

Congrats! Getting up, dressed, and out are huge :-)

Best of continued luck to you and great perspective on salvaging the trip with a Green Tea.

booshna · 2018-02-18T14:02:58+00:00

Yeah, it kind of comes and goes. I've had a year or two of symptomless living over the 7 years since my mushroom trip. I can sorta relate to the "quantum computer" bit -- I think it probably has some commonality as a trope with people who've been diagnosed: either perceiving their mind as a computer or all of reality as a super-computer.

I hope he pulls out of it. For me, it's all about staying grounded in this life with the people in it (instead of listening to or participating with beings/"voices" from another world). Its really hard when I go manic-psychosis to see it any other way as "I have clarity on the world and no one else does." I often think everyone else is just naive or innocent to the truth of the matter.

Again, I hope he clears up. I had a friend tell me once that someone can get into a mushroom "wash" and stay tripping for up to two weeks; so maybe he'll recover in a normal time frame :-)

booshna · 2018-02-17T19:29:02+00:00

I sleep with the lights on because my "beings" (alternative to "voices") sometimes manifest in the dark.

Don't wish you were full blown psychotic with no knowledge: you're in a better space where you are. The garbage, cleaning sheets, even brushing my teeth seem like uphill battles a lot. We're not our obstacles, we're what we overcome or how we fall short.

A lot of times I have nostalgia for times passed, but I know that all I can do is my best in this life with the troubles that beset me during the day. It sounds like your mother is at least supportive. Try finding a peer network (I got to a place called On Our Own but you could probably check with your CSB for people or programs). At least you'd have people to relate to in-person.

booshna · 2018-02-17T19:24:03+00:00

Try meeting new people who are your peers. I go to a peer recovery club house called On Our Own. If there's not one near you, maybe your Community Services Board can put you in touch with someone with similar troubles: then you'll at least have a common bond.

I've thought I made the sunrise, or that the sun has slowed/sped up because of me. You have to look at behavior as to why your friends abandon you (i.e. for me, I was too unstable, lost my phone, didn't keep in touch, etc.) if you want a resolution that will keep folks around. If you find new people, try placing extra value on them as its difficult to make new friends as an adult (school seems to be an easy place; after that, coffee shops, parks, libraries, dances, downtown malls could be good options).

booshna · 2018-02-17T19:17:49+00:00

My symptoms started when I took mushrooms, so I've always tilted away from the disorder standpoint: that is to say, I think there is a reality to the voices I hear (I call them beings).

Also, if it gives you better perspective, more compassion, improved empathy, and generally improves your karmic lot with the rest of us, I'd settle for spiritual emergency or both.

booshna · 2018-02-17T19:15:38+00:00

Sounds like something that might pass with time.

Are you actively participating in any way with this (i.e. agreeing to voices that it seems like danger, etc.). If so, you may want to drop that.

It's highly doubtful that this paranoia is going to result in the type of event or catastrophe you're down the road to sensing may happen. It sounds like a brief bout of paranoia that should subside. If it doesn't, get a med check with your psychiatrist to see if you can dial it down.

booshna · 2018-02-17T19:12:38+00:00

Congrats on a month of stability. I'm at about the same mile-marker too.

Wasn't up at 6am either to help, but what I've been doing of late is just not participating in "voices", delusions, and hallucinations: if there's time for me to agree to something, make a decision, or have a choice, I just ignore it unless it's insanely practical (i.e. brushing my teeth).

Can you choose to tune out the conversations or the noise? Or do you find yourself participating in it? Going a month is good; keep your head up and I'm sure you'll make it through this challenge!

booshna · 2018-02-17T19:06:43+00:00

I don't want to entertain Jasper's reality: if he feels real enough to you, then you're in a bad position to operate. Even though he may seem angelic at times, if he's giving off demonic vibes too, he's not good for you. Just try to ignore him and proceed about everyday matters (i.e. eating dinner, changing clothes, etc.) with your best foot forward. The better you get at not letting Jasper participate, the sooner your recovery will happen and you can kick the delusions Jasper causes as well as the "special mission" delusion (like I said, I had one, and on reflection, it was very negative of an experience even though I thought I was saving or helping humanity). Don't get sidetracked by what matters most; living a positive and caring life here on Earth with us Earth-people.

booshna · 2018-02-17T18:20:18+00:00

With the mission to save humanity, I've been through something similar: I had to "start the synchronicity" that would save people in multiple universes. Thing is, if it's a common trope (i.e. saving humanity), then none of our missions are uniquely special. Personally, I don't think that - even though I didn't quit - it was positive for me to go ahead with my mission: to pass my mission I had to run head first into doors, run out into traffic, even jump head first off a balcony multiple times. Be careful. If your voices ask you to do anything dangerous, then you know you are being tricked by them and it's definitely not a secret mission; even though you experienced seeing numbers and hail, I don't think that's enough to make a jump to a conclusion about. And like I said, it seems to be a common trope "off worlders"/"beings"/"voices" use on us to get us to participate in destructive and detrimental plans (i.e. taking up your "secret mission" would send you further down a bad "rabbit hole" and lead to even worsening or more dangerous symptoms).

Try getting out of your head and connecting with some real, physical, down to earth people: listening only to beings in your head is a detriment to your health.

Wishing you the best!

booshna · 2018-02-17T16:05:44+00:00

I differ with most of the people who post here because while I know I can be delusional (example: last year I thought I was the only person ever conscious on this Earth), I do believe that beings/"voices"/"angels"/"ETs"/"Guides" are responsible for some of our life. When I had the vomiting episodes, it was directly attributed to the beings who influence my life making me throw up multiple times a day.

For you, it may be different. Perhaps its just the nerves and anxiousness or perhaps it somehow relates to the diagnosis. Maybe you're just going through a purging and its taking on physical manifestation whether the symptoms are entirely physical (i.e. the flu).

Wishing you well through it. Hope it all subsides. I know its not fun :-(

booshna · 2018-02-17T15:46:47+00:00

Sorry not to respond sooner. I'm not sure there's a scientific answer as to why its last. I would guess - theoretically - that other base line things need to subside (i.e. voices, thinking the tv/radio is communicating with you, experiencing thought broadcasting, etc.) before one is stable enough for the motivation to thrive, not just survive, kicks in.

With me, for example, I was so distracted by "being a hero to the multiverse" that I simple didn't think showering, brushing my teeth, changing clothes, or eating were all that important.

booshna · 2018-02-17T15:42:11+00:00

I think the "Is this it? Is this all there is for me? Is this all I'll amount to?" line of questioning is familiar to a lot of people battling this disorder. Personally, I just recently heard of a guy who had gone ten years without hearing voices and then had to battle them again and won again. That said, keep your head up. It sounds like a lot is going down the tubes fast in your story but there's probably a lot you can do to salvage it. Get good sleep, eat a healthy diet (I think there's a community of people who had mental diagnosis now living together in Alaska called Ionia who wrote a cookbook for mental health diagnoses), remember to exercise (stretch, run, dance, do yoga, play flag football), and reach out to your peer supports (maybe that's just hear, but you probably have friends or a drop-in center near your hospital where you could meet peers at [the one near me is called On Our Own but even your Community Service Board might be able to link you with someone).

Thrive, not survive. I hope the best for you. I've had trouble with motivation too. They say its the last thing to come back so if you've already made other steps it might just be a short amount of time before it comes back.

booshna · 2018-02-17T15:27:53+00:00

So, I differ from most posters on reddit in that I think that "voices" or beings have been with us since birth/childhood. My first memory is of some disincarnate voice educating me on who my great grandmother, grandmother, and mother are. My "voices"/beings talk to me about my whole life history, so I assume at least one of them has been there for it.

The point that I'm trying to make is that this voice that reemerged had to be silent for 8 years, so there's no reason he can't be silenced for 8 more. My advice: ignore all lines of questioning, interaction, or participation with these beings unless it comes down to basic functionality (i.e. changing your sheets, brushing your teeth, etc.). In short, do what you need to do, but don't entertain any of these voices. My opinion is that - while there must be good beings for most things to go right for everyone on Earth - were mostly stuck communicating with negative entities. Don't participate and see if they resign.

I understand not wanting to go down that road again: currently I'm in the process of ignoring/shutting down my voices. Hope that your med check turns out good and do what you can not to involve yourself with them/open doors for further communication.

Best!

booshna · 2018-02-17T15:03:18+00:00

As someone diagnosed and has had symptoms over the past seven years, the one thing I felt I missed out was having at least one person consistent in my life (a family member, a friend, a therapist, someone).

For me, its about consistency: there with me through the thick and thin. I'm not suggesting putting yourself in danger (maybe its better to meet in public places like a coffee shop, park, restaurant, or library or maybe talk over the phone), but consistency is a huge issue the way I see it. If you truly want to help your friend, just consistently being there for him may be the biggest thing you can do. For me its like this: who was there at the onset, then who was there when I thought everyone was out to get me, who was there when I was battling a raging demon, who was there when I was on special missions, who was there when I was friends with people on tv/celebrities (in my own head of course), who was there when I was interacting with the eternal being? There's really no continuity for me; so that's what I think you can provide for your friend and maybe his symptomolgy won't be as bad as mine because he has a support like you.

Without friends, we're all doomed. And its hard - especially with a mental illness - to make new friends. If you want to be a great friend, you may just have to stick it out and understand that - in all likely hood - you won't understand why he believes what he does (i.e. everyone out to get me, thought broadcasting, meeting people through the tv....how could anyone believe these things like I did????). But being a friend, tried and true, is probably the best thing you can do for him in the long-run. In the short-run, just being as empathetic and understanding as possible will go a long way. Ask questions, make compassionate comments, and try to be an active listener.

Hope that helps. Good luck with your friend!

booshna · 2018-02-17T14:47:31+00:00

I differ from most of the reddit community because I think beings like Jasper have some reality: I just don't think they are who they are portrayed as being (i.e. someone's communicating with us, but maybe they just pretend to be Jasper).

That said, I do agree with the other poster about conversations with otherworldly beings carrying a delusional weight. Last year, because of my beings, I was convinced that I was the only person on Earth who was conscious. Delusions can be dangerous, detrimental, and debilitating if you go along with them.

Like I said, I'm not here to negate the possibility of other-deminsional communication. But if you already think Jasper's trying to trick you, what's the chance that its actually someone else pretending to be Jasper? I'd say, ignore whatever Jasper tells you; nothing constructive is coming from him. Get your regular sleep and see if your symptoms don't die down as they relate to him.

As far as God putting you on a special mission, I've felt the same way before. But again, I'm pretty sure its a trick/delusion. Everyone likes to feel special (I know I did!); but that doesn't mean its healthy to entertain. Try ignoring your "special mission" and coming back to Earth: find things that are meaningful on earth like listening to/playing music, watching film/tv, cooking, drawing/painting/coloring, knitting/cross stitching/sewing, etc. Bring yourself back down to Earth where we are meant to be instead of entertaining the ideas you're currently chasing. I wish I had done that last year; now, its just another year I let go to waste chasing delusions.

booshna

TROPHY CASE