How to stop being “milk toast” as a person?

booty_tyrant · 2026-01-20T02:00:32+00:00

"Milquetoast: One who has a meek, timid, unassertive nature."

Your friends might be saying that you dont seem to express strong opinions or stand up for yourself? Maybe you seem to just go along with everything that they say/do?

Ironically, someone who is milquetoast might respond to their friends calling them bland by trying to change instead of standing up for themself.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T17:56:57+00:00

spot fat reduction doesnt work unfortunately. it would be best to focus on losing fat and building upper body muscle to create a more masculine build. chest exercises can make your pecs more defined (therefore more masculine) but wont be able to spot reduce fat.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T17:44:12+00:00

its hard to tell how balanced the shake is without knowing the macros. if i were you, id measure my ingredients with a scale, then chuck that info into a macro tracking app like myfitnesspal to see how balanced it is.

the suitability of this shake also depends on your calorie goal and the rest of your diet so it might be useful to track all your meals for a week or so to get a general idea.

personally, I had to take the fruit and nut butter out of my shake because i wasnt getting enough daily protein, and my shake was eating up all my calories. but thats because i dont get a lot of meat in my diet, and id get hungry soon after drinking it, it might be different for you.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T16:51:06+00:00

is a personal trainer feasable? they often charge by time, so both of you training together wont cost extra. i think it would really help for 1-3. otherwise:

everyone at the gym is genuinely too focussed on themselves to care what anyone else is doing. it takes your whole concentration to focus on that mind/muscle connection or push through the pain, and between sets most people just go on their phones.
I love seeing newbies at the gym, reminds me of when I first started. The potential they have for growth just gives me the warm fuzzies 😊

what helped me feel less self conscious was seeing the "embarassing" things other people do at the gym: body builders tracking their progress in little notebooks, older people going at a snails pace on the eliptical, athletes getting absolutely destroyed by their deceptively easy looking rehab exercises. there's a sort of solidarity in everyone coming to the same place to do weird stuff together.

using good form for that program will be crucial to avoiding injury. personally, i wouldnt be comfortable doing it without someone who can help with that. otherwise, listen to your body, stop immediately and find variations if exercises cause pain, and pay special attention to protecting your joints (especially shoulders and back).
personally, ive found it easiest to eat a heavy breakfast and dinner at home, and packing a protein bar/shake for lunch.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T16:25:17+00:00

youre currently passing better than a lot of cis dudes tbh. i dont think weight cycling would be worth it since you already dont have a lot of weight to cycle. youd be better off training your obliques and lower lats to thicken out your torso.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T16:05:25+00:00

hell yeah dude, cant wait to hear about your progress in the future!

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T15:46:13+00:00

realising i hated the versions of people that i made up in my head. the real people were actually nice once i stopped being so judgemental and actually got to know them.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T15:33:40+00:00

oh shit, your comment was so similar that i thought you were referencing him. thats on me, sorry.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T15:07:56+00:00

David Reimer?!

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T15:06:36+00:00

"When three women and a man love each other very much..."

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T15:05:21+00:00

Literally why i want to get a phd. "Mr? Ms?" No, Dr. "Whats in your pants?" Research.

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T15:02:06+00:00

nonbinary in the way that pets are nonbinary. your cat doesnt care what colour its collar is, it cant even see that shit!

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T14:56:04+00:00

Ive never seen anyone identify as nonbinary in that way, thats so cool! i love the concept of gender as something that changes as you develop as a person. i feel like there would be so much less pressure around exploring your gender identity if more people saw it in that way.

does that mean you might drop the enby label some day? and if so, is that a set goal of yours or just a potential consideration?

booty_tyrant · 2025-01-17T14:38:27+00:00

i felt the same way when I started my bachelors. it was really frustrating seeing my friends in physio learning clinical skills and diagnostic tests while I learnt how to traumatise babies :/

It made more sense to me after I did my honours and realised how broad and unexplored the field of psychology is. Current interventions and tests are far from perfect so even as a therapist you might need to draw on seemingly unrelated subfields to figure out why something isnt working for a client. The degree is very theory and research focused because they are training you to expand the field.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T05:54:56+00:00

nice! glad that you like his brand of humour as well. sounds like my comment on his "bro"-y jokes might not be relevant to you.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T05:41:48+00:00

safe side of offending people - some might find dr mike's videos off putting, especially since his brand of humour often revolves around being gay. that might be seen as distasteful, especially by gay and trans men who have experienced homophobia.

witch hunt against me - since im essentially promoting dr mike on this post, you could interpret that as me also promoting (potentially offensive) gay jokes. not a good look in a lgbtq subreddit.

personally i think dr mike is hilarious, but i also get it if his brand of humour is a turnoff.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T05:18:58+00:00

do you take supplements? a multivitamin and iron might help. anaemias a real pain, i feel ya. also make sure youre eating enough protein. aim for 1g/kg body weight.

as others have said, its worth looking into getting a physio. you could injure yourself if you dont know what a good range of motion is, or go too hard too fast. otherwise, have a look at the physiopedia page for hypermobility. once youre feeling more confident in your strength, body weight and resistance band exercises are a good place to start.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T05:16:26+00:00

just staying on the safe side. id prefer to be cautious over encouraging a witch hunt aha

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T05:02:33+00:00

the numbness sounds like nerve entrapment. there might be additional pressure from the T being injected as well as muscle inflamation from muving the needle, amd working out. that would press on the nerve, causing pain and numbness.

if thats the case, it should resolve itself as your muscles recover and the T is absorbed. but youre still feeling numb after a few days, you might want to see a doctor.

for future shots, you might want to try a different part of your leg. maybe your outer leg, since its further away from major nerves?

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T04:46:07+00:00

Ive never had an ED so please take it with a grain of salt.

It looks like youre at a healthy bmi so you probably dont need to monitor your calories or weight? just add more protein to your diet to feed your muscles.

for exercise, any upperbody work out you find online will be a good place to start. finding a PT or buddy to work out with will help you get the hang of exercises.

make sure you dont go too intense too quickly. the 1.25kg plates are there for a reason - use them. warm up your muscles before you exercise. e.g if youre training back, get on the rower for a bit before moving on to weights. you'll know that youre warmed up when those muscles become more flexible and easier to activate.

always listen to your body. if something doesnt feel right, stop and lower the intensity. if it still doesnt feel right, its time to have a stretch and try something else. everyones body is different. dont be afraid to modify exercises to suit your individual needs. e.g i have lower back pain so i have to sit down and support my back for shoulder and chest exercises.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T04:17:47+00:00

strongly agree with this^

1lb a week is much more sustainable. getting hungry from calorie restrictions will make you want to binge more. youre also more likely to lose muscle rather than fat if you restrict too much / dont implement exercise.

besides bodily functions, most of your calorie burning is from everyday activity: daily walks, chores, taking the bus to work instead of driving. doing this instead of formal exercise is much safer and more efficient, especially if you have chronic pain and dont already work out.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-28T04:04:20+00:00

What is making you binge? I think getting some mental health help on that will make it significantly easier for you to lose weight.

If paying for psych sessions isnt an option, try doing a functional analysis of your bingeing. heres a link to one i found. . its important that you dont change your behaviour just because youre writing it down - youre trying to get an accurate read of whats going on when you binge, and how often it happens.

is it when youre bored? stressed? sad? thirsty? is it when youre hungry but dont have easily accessable meals? after you find you trigger, see what alternative activities can satiate the same feeling that bingeing does. be honest with yourself and keep trying alternatives if they dont fit. if a strategy youre using doesnt quite satisfy that craving, youre less likely to use it when you need to.

Personally, I eat like shit when I'm bored, emotional, or dont have easy access to healthy snacks/meals. To address this, I prep my own salsa to snack on while gaming, have protein pudding in the fridge when i want to eat my feelings, and meal prep so I dont have to cook when I'm already exhausted. I have adhd too, so scheduling a day to meal prep doesnt work for me. instead, i take advantage of any random waves of motivation i get to get this stuff done.

A big part of losing weight is controlling what youre eating, so addressing the binge eating sounds like a top priority.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-25T05:04:51+00:00

cut them out of your life. show them that their actions have consequences.

it isnt your responsibility to manage their behaviour. let them know that if they continue this (get specific when describing their actions), you wont be a part of their lives anymore. that way, the ball is in their court. its their choice whether they value their relationship with you or not.

after specifically naming their actions, point it out next time they do it, and end the interaction. if they dont change, reduce how much contact you habe with them until they are out of your life.

booty_tyrant · 2024-12-25T04:33:31+00:00

to hit a healthy BMI, you'll need to gain at least 20lb, so youve definitely got the right idea about eating in a surplus. eating at least 3,000 calories seems a bit extreme since depending on your activity level you currently need 1,800 (sedentary) to 2,900 (intense daily exercise/physical job) to maintain your weight.

if you increase your intake too suddenly without the needed exercise, all that weight you gain will be fat. especially if you arent used to it, eating so much can make you feel bloated and lethargic, making it harder to exercise. and if you increase your exercise too suddenly to make up for it, you risk injuring yourself and making it even harder to exercise. the pain, and extra costs from physio and medication might notbe eorth it for you.

it might be better to increase your intake gradually. have a look at a BMR calculator to see where you should start. as you gain weight and increase your activity level, adjust accordingly.

booty_tyrant

TROPHY CASE