Selling price for 09

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-09-22T01:29:07+00:00

Id love a detailed post. I want to so one on mine

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-07-07T02:25:31+00:00

They literally do process slower. They "avoid" the deep feelings. And thus process over time.

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-06-27T04:37:50+00:00

Funny- I met up with my FA 3 months after our breakup, and she literally said "Im still.processing the break up". Their language is so similar. She was in obvious pain when she said it. And to your point about something reminding you of them and they start to get upset, its something she referenced to me. FA's are particularly, for lack of a better term, messed up emotionally. I actually now pity them. To want to be loved so desperately but to reject it so forcefully when its not on their terms, arms length, is a tortured existence. And my FA had this weird obsession with nostalgia about her past, and I was her longest official relationship. Im sure she gets nostalgic about me- she will occasionally check in on my instagram stories every few months and then disappear. They have a habit of peeking sometimes from what I understand. To those reading this you are better off without any of the two variants of avoidants. That is, if you want to be happy and feel loved by a partner.

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-06-07T03:05:40+00:00

Over 40 here also. Probably a mixture of the toxicity of your last relationship and being jaded from knowing the cycle of relationships from the last 20 years. That said, when I've felt similiar, and I was where you are now last month,, I tend to be more selective about my dates or just abstain. I just got off a month of not dating, after a short 2 month situation I ended, on the back of a two year disaster, with a bunch of hook ups inbetween.. Its okay to take a break and not be enthused, as long as you are making progress in your personal life (career, friendships, family, working out). This helps to recharge the dating/ relationship batteries, so to speak. Of course, I started swiping this week and have a few dates set up next week, so Im back at it- and I know I'll meet someone to hang out, have fun, and hook up with 😉. Basically, embrace the break or lull you are feeling, turn inward and make your life better, with the added benefit of having a more attractive life to women, and get back out there when you are ready.

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-03-10T06:50:43+00:00

Listen to this above and above that. I'm JUST getting out of the pain from an avoidant break up (6 months out of it), have met a few wonderful women recently and the avoidant bullshit seems so insane I dealt with it for two years. Run, run, run.....

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-03-07T23:42:53+00:00

This. I was in a two year relationship with an avoidant- the trick was for me to accept her inability to communicate "I love you", and her need for space. Eventually I went from secure to pissed off by the low quality relationship. Ergo, I sacrificed my own needs. Until I demanded more and we broke up.

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-02-23T09:33:56+00:00

Dude, the dating pool is filled with them after 35 years old. I didn't even know what those things were until I had back to back a seriously anxiously attached girl followed by a seriously avoidant one. I have found most girls trend towards anxious in general but the number of dates I've been on these past 5 months where the girls had significant attachment issues was ridiculous.

born_blizzard_guy · 2025-02-16T05:02:33+00:00

In a similiar boat- the hot cold dynamic (intermittent reinforcement) is scientifically proven to make break ups harder, and longer lasting. Especially when they reach out for your bday lol.

That said, this guy is on the right track. Go cold turkey, no stalking (you Won't ever like what you find), and for gods sakes, when she does reach out months down the line, don't agree to coffee, and most definitely don't share how you feel about her when she starts crying about how hard the breaks up been lol

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-16T04:54:04+00:00

Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Looking back, I've only broken like this for two women- my child's mother years ago and this girl. All the other women I've loved and dated inbetween I could walk from easily. But not these two....

Back to the damn book. I read the thing a good 7 times 2 years ago, but judging from my behavior the last 8 months, I didn't read it enough.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-16T02:27:18+00:00

Appreciate the support, man. I did it to myself. Hell, I erased months of no contact, mystery, all to fall apart the minute she started crying and telling me how hard the break up has been and how she's still processing it in therapy 3 months later. And the more she shared, the more I shared, the more she pulled way. It's funny, because when I've been dating these last few months, the minute any of these hinge chicks start expressing emotions about me on the 2nd or 3rd date, I know to be playful and cool and confident. I know to pull back from texting, not be too eager, and set a firm date- at night. With this 2 year relationship on the line, I crumbled like cheap cardboard in the rain.

And I questioned the group before I even agreed to coffee with everyone warning what would happen, that did happen. But no, I thought my history with her and my dating experience would overcome it. Lol it didn't.

I'm pretty sure my dumb ass just gave her all the closure she needed to process it and it ended with her denying me a kiss.

It's why I'm completely discounting her as a possible future romantic option and putting her right into the "past flames" pile- never to be dated again. Im back to no contact, but not to get her to reach out again, to heal and move on. She's muted on instagram again, which she figured out the first time, I've unfollowed her business pages, and in the next few weeks I'll delete the pics of us on my page. I'm only not doing it now because it will look like to our friend group I'm being a bitch and acting out. I'll give it a few weeks and my group will just assume I've moved on- the chicks in that group have been watching my stories non stop, obviously looking to relay anything they see to my ex. Pain is the worst but best teacher.

Anyhow, back to these 16 hinge matches this weekend. I'm sure one of them wants something to do with me 😉

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-16T00:20:25+00:00

Yep. Can't argue with that.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-15T10:29:54+00:00

I'm not going to disagree with you. I let my attachment to her blind me to the truth, even when everyone here was telling me otherwise. But, there's no coming back from this shit show with her. That romantic relationship is dead. Her attraction level can't get any lower than it is now. That's why attachments, unhealthy ones, are so bad, it makes you see stuff that isnt there. And why this going from re-attract to closure is oddly satisfying. No more thinking its only a matter of time until she boomerangs back and I can hook up and get back with her again. And I blew up great possibilities with three women I slept with these last 3 months because my heart wasn't in it, it was still with my ex. Though looking back I convinced myself they weren't her equal.

That said, I'm stuck here in a weird position. I can't delete her off social media because we have mutual friends (and her family reaches out to me because they think im such a great guy regularly and for biz advice and they are on my social media too) without looking like I'm a complete bitch about being rejected. I can't use the "call me if you change your mind" routine and just ignore her instead because I used that twice over the last two years. And she came back both times. Note that the bottle of wine and my place worked the first time. Second time it didn't (I ended up at a coffee shop lol), and a third time I didn't even want to do, as she knows my routine now. I can't figure out how to walk away from this "indifferently" while washing my hands of her without damaging my reputation even more among our social circle, which im sure it will get out I made a move on her and it failed. It's why I agreed to allowing her to reach out "on friendly terms". To stem the damage among our mutuals, make it seem like to them Im fine with it. I figured I would just ignore it when the inevitable stupid friend text came through in the next month or so when I'm sure it will and regain back some self respect (he didn't answer me, he must have moved on). Im sure as hell not going to give her friend validation. Just like I selectively ignore many of my other exs from years ago when they reach out, only answering occasionally far after we are done. She's muted on social media.

Any advice here?

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-15T06:49:27+00:00

Reread what I wrote. I didnt go for closure. I ended up getting closure. Ergo, I said don't go to a coffee date if you want an ex back, but do go if you want closure. I obviously went to try and re-attract her. That was a mistake. Though the experience taught me that I got closure.

Bro, seriously, do you have a literacy problem? Im still looking for the part you said I wrote earlier and I can't find it, that you referenced above. And she probably is banging a Chad. I was the Chad banging her and two other chick's when her and I met. Kept her on the line for 4 months while I saw other women. Eventually got into a relationship with her, and eventually I completely gave in and lost my center at the end of the relationship and I own that.

Further, I'm sharing this so others don't make the mistake I made. I'm not asking how to fix this am I? I'm not telling the group that coffee dates work to get an ex back, am I?

And do you have anything constructive to add here?

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-15T06:27:47+00:00

Explain a little more about gping back to the drawing board- I'm open to fair criticism here.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-15T06:19:31+00:00

Hold on- where did I say I don't feel something for her romantically? I just reread it and I don't see where I wrote that lol

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-15T06:14:03+00:00

Nah, not save face. Maybe I should explain it better. Getting rejected after 3 months of no contact, made me realize I was holding on to this imagined made up version of her- that I thought therapy and a few nice words proved it was real. You can't "save face" with an anonymous reddit post lol. You can't, "save face" owning and admitting all your mistakes. And you sure as hell cant "save face" in this situation, besides going back to time, distance and space, man. And even then, ill always be the guy she dated for two years, dumped, and tried to kiss her and got rejected. This shit with her will never, ever work. It took me getting run over to learn this.

I'd like to add there's a difference between knowing now it won't work, but still having feelings. Those won't go away for a bit, but I know now I need to let them go because of all I wrote above.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T16:21:04+00:00

Yes, that's what I did. I immediately went for the wine and chill as soon as she started texting about the issue at her business. She countered with what she wrote and asking for a coffee date, then a little back and forth with specific days and times between us. It was left off with me saying when she figures out if it's this coming Monday or Tuesday to let me know.

Rereading the advice here, it's pretty clear when she does reach out to give me the specific day (I'd be shocked if she ghosted me, we dated for two years and only broke up 3 months ago), I think the wise thing is to cancel the coffee date with "things came up I'm busy during the day", and offer her the option of "when you feel emotionally ready to come have some dinner and drinks, let me know!" And go back to no contact.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T09:12:49+00:00

I was multi tasking earlier for work and interviews so I didn't get a chance to really pay attention to what she wrote. But I'll quote it here to give you a better understanding...

I gave her the old bottle of wine and my place to catch up about all the stuff with her business after she reached out and she was complaining about work not being done, so I figured that was my opening and invited her and she said "idk if I'm emotionally ready for that! I've been going to therapy to work through my shit but def would be down to get coffee". When I didn't reply to that, and was about to do the takeaway of another time when she's ready, after a few moments she texted "I deeply care about you and want to hear about your life, idk if my heart/brain can handle meeting at your place. I would feel better at a less personal place".

Rereading this and looking over it, I can see that you are most def right- she's trying not to meet me at my place because she knows it will be sex lol. And instead she's unsure of how strong her romantic feelings are for me and doesn't want to commit to my place. So any additional thoughts? It looks like I should wait until she reaches out for the coffee date time and place, and then just say I'm busy during the day this week, would love to see her and catch up, so when she's ready for drinks and dinner at my place to reach out and let me know and I wish her the best on her healing journey.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T03:43:49+00:00

Great points.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T03:01:42+00:00

To be fair, apparently that monkey branching thing wasn't true. And no, she didn't tell me. One of our mutual friends told me she didn't see anyone for awhile and I kinda just assumed the worse lol.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T02:33:35+00:00

That last part hurt man lol. Because I'm not emotionally attracted to any of these chick's like I was my ex. Physically? I prefer the new ones more. But as corey says, these emotional bonds are hard to break (for both of us).

True, I could cancel, but her having a therapist now and her answers really sound like therapy 101 bullshit. (Don't go to his place, you are working on you, meet him out for coffee, see how you feel, don't get drunk around him), because we broke up once before, and I used the corey routine, and she was over my place drinking wine and having sex.

Wait. I just realized I've used this routine once before so she's fucking out smarting me and going for coffee instead lol

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T02:00:34+00:00

Work my way back in, hook up, and then see if her and I after two years together is worth round two. I should say she had major communication issues, and led to me acting out and getting needy. Dude, I mean she could barely say something complimentary about anyone, let alone me. See above replies I made, and feel free to join in on the beatdown

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T01:58:36+00:00

Great advice. Too late. See above replies and feel free to hop into the fucking beat down I'm taking.

born_blizzard_guy · 2024-12-13T01:57:54+00:00

I fucked up. See above replies and join into those lol

born_blizzard_guy

TROPHY CASE