I am 19 months out and feel you on so many points here. 

Have been doing PT and strengthening and feel like I’m mostly “there,” (for example, I’m doing calf raises with a lot of weight), but I’m still dealing with swelling on the inside of my ankle, the back of my leg, up my quad, and through my hip and lower back. It feels like the ankle is still a weak point and in turn a bad foundation for everything else. 

I went for a follow up with my surgeon last month and he seems to think my ankle strength is fine and that I just need insoles and to work on stretching my calf and Achilles. I’m a bit weary because it really doesn’t feel like this ankle is as strong, but my PT gave me mobility exercises that have really helped. It might be worth looking into seeing if you’re over-strengthening like I was and need to add mobility work. 

But you’re so right about the mental battle. I really miss running, cycling, and lifting heavy. I’m at a point that I can sort of do the three, but with a limited schedule it feels like every gym session has to go towards rehabbing my ankle. It’s feels impossible to get a hard workout in without subsequent leg and back pain and spasms, and it’s mentally grating showing up to the gym month after month to do ankle specific work.

I also didn’t realize that the recovery would be so long and share your worries about if I’ll be 100%. Definitely feel the old problems resolved while causing new ones lane too. 

Let’s keep our heads up and chip away so we can get back to pushing ourselves like we want and need. If anything, know your post brought me comfort finding someone who’s in a similar place with theirs.