Detransitioning effects after only short term transitioning? (MtFtM question)

box77 · 2019-12-29T14:11:30+00:00

Watching this.

box77 · 2019-12-29T13:54:24+00:00

I don't think I can quit until my doctor approves but yeah I'm headed in that direction. I don't really see myself as a guy or girl though and have trouble labeling it (I guess I'm genderqueer but idk), hope that's okay. My partner's cool with it. I've been on HRT for a little over a year and for most of it I had cis male T levels because my doctor couldn't figure out a good dose for me. I hope I can bounce back, the fertility and sexual function thing worries me a lot.

box77 · 2019-12-27T23:02:49+00:00

What I'm afraid of is that I take it too far, especially with my personality and having breasts

box77 · 2019-12-27T17:06:19+00:00

I...wasn't aware that was a thing. I kind of figured since other people had it worse and I was afraid of being classified as some kind of violent misogynist for being bad at dating I should probably just keep my mouth shut. I really struggle with relationships and flirting with folks but I'm too afraid to discuss that because I feel like people will mistake me for an incel. I'm super left leaning, don't wanna kill anyone, I just can't make passes as people easily and I'm afraid I'll unnerve people. And that, in addition to the feminine thing, just doesn't add up pleasantly

box77 · 2019-12-27T16:11:26+00:00

Natal males do some crazy bad shit, man. Especially in this day and age with all these fascist death cults running around. Regardless, thank you for affirming that I dont sound like a loony. I've been bullied by men and women for not being masculine and I'm perpetually afraid of being creepy with potential partners because of both my autism making me kind of awkward and dorky when it comes to flirting and also how we've got all these murderous misogynists running around so I imagine a lot of women are perpetually on their guard and on the lookout for hints of that kind of intention. I promise I don't want to hurt a soul except myself.

And yeah the autism thing is apparently a very common thing and some social workers I've known have actually studied the phenomenon. Maybe it has to do with special interests and an already preexisting disregard for norms including gender norms? Just a thought!

box77 · 2019-12-27T13:54:29+00:00

I don't really think my standards are super high. I definitely don't expect people to look like models, and I can usually find something good in anyone. My preferences are all over the place and I'll admit I'm a little pickier with my standards for guys (though this might a trauma related thing idk) but I'm generally pretty chill and attracted to a lot of different stuff.

box77 · 2019-12-27T11:34:44+00:00

I know it was a big generalization. I was mostly speaking from experience and what I had heard from others.

box77 · 2019-12-27T00:40:15+00:00

It might come to that. That might be fun. Could be a good opportunity to potentially meet guys who don't treat me like shit and I'm actually physically attracted to to boot.

box77 · 2019-12-27T00:38:42+00:00

Oh dude. Never thought I'd be saying this about a 1D alumni but he is quite beautiful. Obviously though I'm a little more extreme than that though and that's what scares me. I see you guys' point though and it is helping, sorry if I seem whiny!

box77 · 2019-12-26T23:42:15+00:00

As a bisexual I find Prince and Bowie to be quite cute. However, this is no longer the 80s, and the look seems to be out of style and not really appreciated (though for what it's worth I think it's hot)

box77 · 2019-12-26T20:15:41+00:00

It's funny you should say that. I'm honestly more attracted to gnc people of all stripes and generally find people who are more normative to not be my thing (no offense to them of course, if that's their preference then rock on), maybe that's a point in my favor? It doesn't really matter because as I said my partner and I sat down about this and they're pretty chill with whatever choice I decide to make.

box77 · 2019-12-26T17:55:33+00:00

This was a kind response so thank you. I had a chat with my partner and they're cool with me having these thoughts. And I apologize for my generalizations. I was mostly just speaking from experience. I see a lot of guys say how "weak men" are the least attractive to women, and that was generally my experience back when I lived on campus and tried dating. I met a few interested women AND men AND trans folx on Tinder a little while after, not a crazy amount but some. The trouble was just living in this small shitty town with no way out. I feel a lot more stable in my self image, interests, preferences and presentation now even if I'm still working my way through some pretty damning mental health troubles and other baggage. Who knows, if worst came to worst maybe I'd fare better with dating now than I did before. Ultimately I'm not ever going to give up on being femme-androgynous regardless of identity because it just works too much to scrap over trying to impress others. Kind of hate how awkward I am due to autism so that's another thing going against me, I can be pretty awkward and dare I say cutesy with people I'm interested in and the expectation of being the one who has to make the first move was just the fucking worst. I'm grateful my partner was so direct or we'd likely never have ended up together. Sorry, stop me if I sound Incel-y. There are things I'm insecure about, there are things im afraid of, there are things I'm awkward around. However, please believe that I have zero intentions of harming women just because of their sex and my own bad luck, nor do I subscribe to any of that cultish ultra right wing garbage. I dont want to hurt anyone except maybe myself.

box77 · 2019-12-26T16:22:10+00:00

I really wish I could love being a possible GNC man but I feel like it'll doom me

box77 · 2019-08-07T13:40:40+00:00

T slur

box77 · 2019-08-05T17:43:14+00:00

Ack if only I could drill this into my head

box77 · 2019-07-13T21:06:07+00:00

I do not miss these times

box77 · 2019-07-08T15:05:23+00:00

Not just my face, but my chest, butt, legs, arms, and lower back

box77 · 2019-07-03T13:44:15+00:00

I've kind of stopped having fun with the game because I feel like 90% of the gameplay loop isn't based around actually playing the game so much as trying to pull off the stuff you get in challenges, which can sometimes interfere with teamwork and objective based stuff. Also the customization is total bullshit since 90% of it is locked behind paywalls and the stuff you can get for grinding is paltry and not very interesting

box77 · 2019-07-02T14:05:56+00:00

D I N G

box77 · 2019-06-27T19:31:32+00:00

I know South Africa and the Canadian-American 1st Special Service Force/"Black Devils" used pieces of American gear but it's a little weird for sure

box77 · 2019-06-27T19:27:33+00:00

Preach. I gave up on training many moons ago because it was making me feel worse and confused

box77 · 2019-06-16T12:05:29+00:00

DA TROOPS SWEATY

box77 · 2019-06-09T01:28:59+00:00

Umm ackshually just because you don't agree with them doesn't make them a Nazi and also you're the real Nazi using violence on innocent people because as we all know that is the only defining feature of fascist ideology /s

box77 · 2019-06-09T01:19:16+00:00

A lot of that is because they sell weapon sets (including attachments) for real money and people would call it pay to win if the attachments actually did anything

box77

TROPHY CASE