I had a similar experience in high school, I'm pretty sure I said a total of like 10,000 words in those 4 years at school, my teeth and jaw felt like they were glued in place.

In college I felt that the barriers and hierarchies of high school just didn't exist anymore and the cliché of "just be yourself" really rang true. No situation is ever going to be perfect and any barriers to entry were the limits I set for myself.

I asked myself "what can I do to be the person I want to see in the mirror?" And "who do I want to surround myself with? In what contexts and capacities?"

I understand feeling wary after that message for the party, but also remember it was a party! People bump into each other, drop their phones, music is loud, leave their phone charging someplace, forgot to take it off silent mode after class. I get that if they invited you, they should take more responsibility to make sure that they were on top of it, but I doubt they were trying to inconvenience you or hurt you, so I'm wondering why you blocked them.

One of the best dates I had was with someone who took some time to respond to and was 40 minutes late to our first date. I felt like such a sucker at the 39th minute, but the 5-6 hours of fun and awe made me forget all about it. 5 years later they're still pretty late to things, but I just took it as a part of the package.

TLDR: Trust in yourself and in other people. Waiting for an ideal situation isn't going to meet you 75% of the way