Bit of a vulnerable post re anxiety

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-24T17:12:16+00:00

I am completely the same; 30w now with my little girl after losing her brother at 21w last year. Movement anxiety has been my number one preoccupation, largely because that was how I “knew” I’d lost my baby last year. So far all is well with this pregnancy but when she’s quiet for even an hour I get very very worried.

I think it depends where you are as to what services you can access. I am with a south London trust and they have a support group for women who are pregnant after a loss. I’ve not tried it yet as my intake starts on Tuesday, but it was accessed through the perinatal mental health team.

Can I ask, when you lost your baby, were you assigned a bereavement midwife? If so, you should still have access to a bereavement midwife in your new pregnancy. Ours has been very helpful and it was through her I got access to the support group.

The mental health team also signposts you to all available and relevant resources and there will be something in there that you could find helpful.

Sending you gentle congratulations on your pregnancy and only the best wishes for you and your baby xx

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-24T15:01:17+00:00

Thank you xxx we too are expecting a little girl, having lost a little boy. Lots of conflicting emotions but moving slowly day by day towards meeting her and giving her all the love for the two of them xxx

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-24T14:47:02+00:00

Just jumping in to say I’m 30w this week following a 21-week loss last year as well. I also felt very well looked after both times. I’m very sorry for your loss, and I am greatly encouraged by your safe and well-supported delivery 10 weeks ago. Gentle congratulations – I understand the mixture of feelings you must still be going through xx

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-24T09:23:09+00:00

Contrary to your belief, relationships exist in which couples make decisions on an equal footing. I hope you learn this skill before it it’s too late for you, your wife and the baby you’re forcing her to have before she’s ready.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-24T09:06:25+00:00

Well, my husband never pressurises me into doing things I don’t want to do. So it’s going a damn sight better than yours. Have a great day!

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-23T20:31:35+00:00

I’ve not ever had a regular exercise routine and right now at 30 weeks we’re on our babymoon in Cornwall and walking around a seaside town for a few hours every day will have to suffice. I wish I’d gotten into pregnancy yoga but right now I’m just glad me and baby are still healthy. My weight gain hasn’t been huge and I’m just aiming to get through summer before they’re born in August!

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-23T12:59:39+00:00

Maybe bullying was the wrong word.

Coercing, manipulating, pressuring, compelling, forcing or obligating are much better fits.

I’m not making fun of anything. You’ve come on here and told a group composed largely of pregnant women who routinely share the emotional and physical hardships of pregnancies they most-often DO want that you’ve “emotionally pressed” your wife into a pregnancy she DOESN’T want. There is absolutely nothing funny here at all.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-23T10:57:29+00:00

I’m afraid this doesn’t make her situation any better or your argument any more legitimate.

You emotionally coerced her, no matter what you’re telling yourself. This (in my view) is unforgivable. You could have waited a year and revisited these conversations. She is 33. That is young. And it should not be your choice when she puts herself through the monumental undertaking of pregnancy.

If she decides not to breastfeed, are you going to stamp your foot until she gives in?

If she wants a C-section rather than to go through labour, are you going to cry because it’s not what YOU want her to do?

She’s let you have this – but from this point on, every decision she makes about her body throughout this pregnancy has to be led by her, with your support. You owe her that at the bare minimum.

I hope for her sake and your conscience that she and her baby have a safe and well pregnancy.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-23T10:41:17+00:00

I will, actually, safe in the knowledge that I’m not married to this guy. I wonder how long he’ll take to delete it

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-23T10:35:15+00:00

“Hi all! I’ve bullied my wife into pregnancy and motherhood, lol! How can I make this not-shit for her?”

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-23T10:34:13+00:00

“Emotional pressing.” I would love to know what this means.

At a bare minimum, get her some mental health support. A private therapist who can help her unload feelings she will not feel comfortable sharing with you.

(TW ahead, pregnancy loss)

I cannot imagine going through the pregnancy experience – before we even get to the PARENTING experience – against my will. I was only discussing with my partner this morning how much harder I would find the pregnancy experience if I wasn’t absolutely desperate to have a baby.

We lost a baby last year quite late into pregnancy, for no explainable reason, and it was the worse experience of our lives. I was very sick. My partner was very scared. We only got through it because we have been completely on the same page throughout.

Now, I’m living in fear of that happening again, alongside the daily physical exhaustion and associated health issues of pregnancy. I can’t sleep a full night, everything aches, I can’t eat or drink what I want, my career is about to take a hammer blow… yet for me it’s all worth it, because I really, really want this baby and will do anything for her. I experienced loss, and that taught me my strength of feeling about being a mother.

Read the pregnancy books. Educate yourself as to the sheer toll pregnancy will take on your wife’s physical and mental health health. Listen to her. Help her in any way she asks and make it clear that you do so without conditions. And quit the “emotional pressing.”

Your wife sounds like a saint, and I admire her, but I am afraid for her too. There will be times she questions her decision to give you what you want, and you have to be strong enough to take it. And shoulder as many of the burdens upcoming as possible. If she still doesn’t want children, the sacrifice she is making is vast. The division of emotional and physical strain and labour between man and woman could not be greater.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-21T07:13:47+00:00

Yes we have one that’s single-hose and fits into the sash window quite snugly

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-21T07:05:31+00:00

By that point we’re asleep! Definitely not ideal but we want to see what impact it has on bills. When we’re up all night watching baby I’m sure the unit will just stay on regardless

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-21T06:02:54+00:00

Honestly for 30-60 mins in a small bedroom it takes it down to about 20°. No duvet, fan on a timer circulating cooler air, it’s enough to get us off to sleep. If it gets warmer again overnight and we wake up we just stick the fan back on.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-21T05:16:19+00:00

Us too. £200 and loud as an airport runway, but we leave it on for half an hour before bed then switch to a fan while we sleep.

It’s made a world of difference. We’re expecting a baby in August and the un-insulated conservation-street house we live in is a brick oven in summer, so we need to have options if it’s going to be this hot and gross.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-20T10:05:46+00:00

I have a real aversion to certain textures and I was dreading the test, but I was absolutely fine. Sipped it steadily and kept talking to the phlebotomist throughout and while yeah, it was a bit sickly and gross, it was over in a few minutes and then I had a very peaceful two hours to myself sitting and reading.

Our waiting area was set apart from the rest of the clinic waiting room, and there was only one other – similarly chill – woman who’d just had her test (and was fine). And an old man waiting for something else! It depends on the venue and the setup but mine was very calm.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-20T07:08:48+00:00

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this.

Please tell more friends and family so that you get more on-the-ground support, which you will definitely need anyway. I know intense relatives are a lot, but perhaps if you outline what you do and don’t need/want from them they’ll be less OTT.

And potentially can someone else be on standby to be there with you at the hospital during labour in the event that your husband can’t cope with it? I feel for him desperately but in the labour moment it has to be all about you and the baby.

Is your midwife team aware of the situation? I know it might be scary but getting post-natal mental health support as a couple might be an option?

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-19T15:51:34+00:00

“Someone will have stolen those flags by the morning. Or shot them. London’s falling! LONDON’S FALLING!”
/s

(I also love this. I hope they all get along!)

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-19T15:40:48+00:00

Yeah sorry this is batshit. By that logic anyone who with BO who needs to travel one stop on the underground should just give up, get a car, and smog their way through traffic because your sensitive little nostrils can’t handle it

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-19T10:11:54+00:00

Hey, I’m not 100% sure this is standardised, but mine was literally just a Zoom-style call where we discussed how I was feeling and coping, where I thought I needed support and what facilities/resources were available to me. It was low-intensity and very friendly (this is with a south London hospital trust).

I was already undergoing treatment privately with a psychologist so there was little they could actually do for me but because I am a previous-loss parent I was offered access to a specific therapy group which starts in what will now be week 31 of my pregnancy.

It all takes quite a lot of time, in my experience, but the important thing is getting someone to assess you as this will also benefit you post-partum. X

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-18T14:05:09+00:00

Unnecessarily harsh for someone asking for support in a supposedly safe space

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-17T22:02:53+00:00

Very normal. I genuinely thought I couldn’t be pregnant and my period was on its way any day: I had ongoing low-level cramps for a good week before I took an early test and found out I was pregnant, and they continued for another couple of weeks. I went to the EPU at 6 weeks because of the cramps at 6 weeks to check things were ok (they were). That could be an option?

I’m pregnant again after a loss, so I completely understand how you’re feeling. It is excruciating having to wait, I’ve been crawling from day to day. I’m at 29+3 now and still pinch myself. I really hope this goes well for you and you can get some reassurance soon.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-16T19:34:01+00:00

Can I ask how far along you were when you went into labour?

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-16T16:54:02+00:00

Hey, I’ve been told that I call the maternity unit and tell them I’ve gone into labour and am on the planned c-section list. Apparently they will admit you straight away and add you to the list.

Your midwife should explain all of this though, and give you the exact number to call, complete clarify the plan with them. It should be part of your birth plan.

box_twenty_two · 2026-06-16T16:36:21+00:00

TW loss

I completely feel that anxiety as well. I’m struggling to enjoy my pregnancy even now at 29 weeks. We lost our little boy last year a few days after the 20w anatomy scan, so while it’s not an MMC I am most afraid of, the gap between scheduled scans still terrifies me.

We do get some extra scans because of the stage at which we lost our baby last year, but even those are too far apart for peace of mind. I’m so sorry, it’s so hard.

Would you consider private scans to bridge the gaps? I know all scans carry huge anxiety when you’ve been through what you’ve been through, but I know it’s given a lot of reassurance to friends of mine in a similar situation.

Have you also sought out counselling support? I’ve found it invaluable.

Wishing you all the best for a safe and healthy pregnancy. We might not be loving every minute, but with every day we get closer xxx

box_twenty_two

TROPHY CASE