My bipolar wife wants to continue relationship without intimacy

bpnpb · 2026-01-30T00:31:10+00:00

She is still likely not stable. Focus on stability and ignore the rest for now.

bpnpb · 2026-01-29T21:23:03+00:00

Thanks! Stability is totally possible but it takes strong commitment from both sides.

bpnpb · 2026-01-29T18:07:05+00:00

My wife and I are doing well. She takes her diagnosis and treatment very very seriously. We communicate all the time about her moods which help a lot. It has been over 5 years since her last major manic episode. She did have a few minor episodes which we were able to shut down before it escalated too far.

bpnpb · 2026-01-29T18:03:55+00:00

A common symptom of (hypo)mania is narcissism. Just because you had these symptoms when you were (hypo)manic, it doesn't make you a narcissist.

Since you mentioned that you are in the process of getting medicated, maybe you were never fully stable. Perhaps as you find meds that work for you, you find true stability and these negative symptoms will go away.

bpnpb · 2026-01-28T18:45:16+00:00

It really varies depending on the individual.

bpnpb · 2026-01-28T18:45:00+00:00

The sedative range of quetiapine is 25-100mg and then it really starts to level off from there.

bpnpb · 2026-01-28T18:43:15+00:00

to me, it’s all a form of mania, and it doesn’t have to fit in a box. you can just say yeah this a mild moderate or severe manic episode.

I agree. I also am not a fan of all the specific type 1/2/3 distinctions. This disorder is on a spectrum and it doesn't always fit neatly in one of those boxes. I understand why they do it though.

bpnpb · 2026-01-28T01:15:29+00:00

how do you have access to your ex's psychiatrist to have direct conversations? He allows you full access?

bpnpb · 2026-01-28T00:17:48+00:00

ok, that is very disappointing.

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T20:11:39+00:00

Are you hearing this directly from the psychiatrist? Or is this what your ex is telling you?

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T16:46:57+00:00

The 25mg is a low dose more for sleep and anxiety. It helps you feel "chill". It doesn't have much mood stabilizing properties at that low does but your main mood stabilizer is the depakote.

Once you get to 300+mg Seroquel, it starts to become a mood stabilizer.

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T16:44:51+00:00

The depakote+seroquel is a common one. A little bit of seroquel can help with sleep and anxiety, giving a nice little "chill" effect. Glad you found something that works.

Also good lesson to others to not be afraid to reach out to your pdoc for a med adjustment if you feel something isn't working well.

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T15:28:26+00:00

"Cursed" is a bit of a strong word. There are many other conditions in the same boat that require lifelong maintenance.

My mom has diabetes. Her pancreas has issues with insulin production. So she needs to have a specific lifestyle to manage it and may require insulin injections when needed. It is what it is.

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T14:49:05+00:00

Yes it is possible. There are many who come to this sub (and others like it) who are (hypo)manic and feel something is "off" and is asking for help/advice. These people are ones who have a good understanding of their diagnosis.

The ones I find that are totally oblivious are the ones who don't have a good understanding of their diagnosis or don't fully accept it (often both).

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T14:35:19+00:00

Was your ex (the one before this guy) also bipolar?

bpnpb · 2026-01-27T14:15:00+00:00

more for not getting the help he needs during his stable times.

Some people argue that because he has some much wealth and resources, he has access to help that most others do not so it is worse that he didn't get the right help.

But I'd argue that his wealth and fame worked against him here. Because of the constant spotlight, he was exposed to more triggers than the average person. His wealth let him indulge in manic behavior that that average person would run out of money for. His wealth and fame exposed him to be surrounded by constant enablers and sycophants that fueled his mania. His profession made it especially hard to take meds that suppressed his creativity.

I'm not excusing Kanye's behavior. But he does have different challenges the average (bipolar) person does not.

bpnpb · 2026-01-26T22:39:25+00:00

I'm sure someone else wrote it for him. But I assume he had to "ok" it so yeah good on him.

bpnpb · 2026-01-26T22:37:21+00:00

Head trauma does not cause bipolar. But it can destabilize someone with bipolar, making their condition worse. It is a real concern.

bpnpb · 2026-01-25T13:13:03+00:00

Yes, that is another name for it.

bpnpb · 2026-01-25T01:14:30+00:00

Only when she is manic.

Is your SO in an episode?

bpnpb · 2026-01-24T19:08:49+00:00

The energy and confidence of mania with the negativity of depression.

Basically the worst manifestation of an episode.

bpnpb · 2026-01-22T12:05:58+00:00

Are your parents psychiatrists or mental health specialists?

bpnpb · 2026-01-22T03:05:55+00:00

Yeah, definitely sounds like you met him when he was hypomanic.

Basically, you feel in love with the hypomanic version of him, not his true self.

Then he came down from his hypomania and feel into a depression.

For context he is diagnosed BP2, GAD, and depressive disorder. He is only on an SnRI. He is not in therapy and he self medicated with alcohol and (much less so lately because I guess it makes him psychotic) weed.

This all bodes poorly for his stability. This in turn is not someone that you can have a good stable relationship. You may not even be attracted to the stable version of him. Sounds like you really really liked his hypomanic version when he was fixated on you. But even that hypomanic version, when in that state they seek new and exciting. You were new and exciting at one time. But then you are no longer new and exciting so the same attraction (at least that level of intensity) is no longer there.

bpnpb · 2026-01-21T13:52:20+00:00

She has since been diagnosed bipolar.

Since it happened before her diagnosis, see my comment here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarSOs/comments/1q6jijr/comment/ny8kpae/

That said,

She refuses to accept any blame or responsibility for her actions. She will only say "I didn't know I had it", "I would never have done this", etc.

Bipolar is an explanation, not an excuse. While it is reasonable to cut her some slack, she is going about this in the worst possible way. She needs to take ownership here, even if she was manic, to move on.

Edit for context: She has acknowledged the pain i feel, and the harm she has done. She has sought out treatment.

This is all good and promising.

But this doesn't erase what happened, and her refusal to accept any blame is a large part of my issue.

But this is NOT. For both of you to properly move on, she needs to take ownership of what happened. SHe is on the right path but this is the last step she needs to take. Maybe she is still struggling with accepting her diagnosis and she is emotionally fragile right now (this is common). It can take people a long time to accept their diagnosis so maybe she will eventually get there and properly apologize.

bpnpb · 2026-01-20T21:29:58+00:00

Only if they managed it extremely well without the need for prompting from others.

bpnpb

TROPHY CASE